Monthly Archives: March 2017

TRUMP AID ACCUSES PRESIDENT OF TELLING THE TRUTH!

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Reince Priebus sobs uncontrollably after committing uncharacteristic blunder

During his interview with CNN commentator Wolf Blitzer last night, President Trump’s Chief of Staff Reince Priebus let it slip that telling the truth is something the president does sometimes.  When pressed by Mr. Blitzer for a specific example of such incongruous behavior, Mr. Priebus seemed to be caught off guard and a a bit flustered, replying “You can’t expect the guy to just pull something out of his ass all the time.”

The stunning comments evoked an immediate defensive response from close White House staffers.  Speaking to a Fox News reporter the following morning, Presidential Counselor Kellyanne Conway tried her best to tamp things down, stating “I am not sure what conversation Reince was referring to.  He was probably just joking around with the president on one of those buses or something.  What I can tell you is I have never known the president to tell a non-lie.  Never.  It is amazing to me how he can just off the cuff not tell a non-lie.  He knows what America needs and his truths and facts are what the people want to hear.  He’s a man of his word and it’s what makes him such a great president.”

It remains to be seen what impact the fall out will have with the president’s supporters.  The commander in chief took things into his own hands however, tweeting from the third hole of his Virginia golf course, “I just heard around that someone somewhere said many members of congress might be making bad deals laundering money in Cypriot banks and funding ISIS.  Now I have to demand a full congressional investigation of itself.  SAD!”

When approached by the press and asked how long such an investigation would take, befuddled Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said he had no idea how to even go about the process, but his best guess is it could easily take a decade to accomplish.  So for now it looks like the president has avoided catastrophe and has firmly reestablished his fundamental policy once again.

FYI: Jackie Paper Will Spend Rest of His Days Behind Bars

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My wife recently attended the National Art Education Association Conference in NY City.  Like me, she is retired.  Unlike me, she enjoys staying involved in her profession.  There are a number of pharmacy related conferences here and there that if I wished I could attend as a retired pharmacist.  Doesn’t interest me in the least.  My wife really has fun during her sojourns though.  She finds the speakers entertaining and topics educational.  She visits art museums and so forth, and usually has a small group of fellow teachers to commiserate with while touring and dining.  I heard from a reliable source that during this recent  trip my wife and her friends liked to frequent a particular restaurant for its “attentive service,”  provided by some steroid sculptured guy by the name of  Adrian. If I find out he was passing out anything other than free tiramisu I will be making a special trip to NY myself.

When she got home my wife showed me the pictures she took on her i-phone and we had various discussions about her trip- her shitty airline experiences, the NY cuisine she sampled, the art museums, and- Peter Yarrow.  No shit.  He was headlining in her hotel ballroom I guess.  You remember Peter Yarrow.  Peter, Paul and Mary.  Geezuz I wonder how old that guy is?  I know Mary is dead.  Not sure about Paul.  Anyway Peter sang all the hits- ‘Blowin’ in the Wind,’ ‘If I had a Hammer,’ ‘Puff the Magic Dragon.’ etc.

Peter, Paul and Mary (In this photo, L  to R, Peter, Mary and Paul, although it could be Paul, Mary and Peter.  I’m forever getting those two guys mixed up)

I always wondered what happened to little Jackie Paper.  He kind of shit on his dragon friend Puff, just discarded his friendship like a self-centered, rebellious teen sometime does.  I’m not sure I believe it, but I’ll take Peter’s word that Puff is still alive.   However as with Paul, I began to wonder if Jackie Paper was still living.  My wife kind of had her head up her ass and didn’t think to ask Peter, but in her defense, once she heard the story of Puff and Jackie again she got terribly upset and left the premises in tears.

I could never find out how to get ahold of Peter Yarrow myself, but I have some pretty good sources I use to do personal research, a couple of which have that new microwave surveillance technology.   ‘Somebody’ and ‘Heard Around’ are two of my favorites, as well as Rightbart.   Well you won’t believe it but I found out that little prick Jackie just up and  ran away from home and really got into trouble.  Broke his parent’s hearts.  It’s not like he bolted from an abusive environment or anything.  His parents, Doris and Harvey Paper, managed a very successful real estate business and gave the spoiled brat anything he wanted.  Christ how many kids have a fucking pet dragon?

Doris, Jackie, and Harvey in Happier Times

The story is Jackie hated his parents even as a young boy. No one really knows why. He started hatching a plot to kill them, and desperately tried to enlist the services of Puff. His thought was since Puff was a dragon he must have fire breathing capability so he could easily torch his parents house and either burn them alive or at least help destroy evidence after the heinous deed was done. When Puff informed Jackie that the fire breathing gene was absent in his species, he became enraged and, at the age of 16, that’s when he left home.

Jackie wandered the streets for a couple of years before joining the Klan and a motorcycle gang and then spent five years in jail for armed robbery.  When he got out, he embarked on a really bad acid trip that initiated a series of psychotic episodes involving childhood flashbacks.  Evidently at some point the bad chemicals surging through his brain triggered hallucinogenic instructions to go finish what was yet undone, so he traveled back to his childhood home, murdered his aged parents, and set their house on fire.  He is presently in prison serving a life sentence for first degree murder and arson.

1984 Photo of Jackie Paper

Though Peter Yarrow still features the song ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’ in most of his concerts, I found out during my research that if you ever press him about anything related to Jackie Paper’s personal life he will immediately walk away without comment.  I thought you’d like to know.

Fake News II or What are the Swedes Putting in Those Meatballs?

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Well this really pisses me off.  Once again our president says something and the dishonest media gets a cob up its butt over it and makes the man look bad.  Totally unfair.  I’m not sure those Swedes know what’s going on in their own back yard.

Swedes of Every Sort Scatter in Confused Panic over President Trump’s Assertion that Their Country was Attacked by Terrorists.

Fox news was there!  When have you ever known them to get something wrong?  Fake News  God, if you listen to main stream news they make it sound like the president was just nonchalantly channel surfing or something when he saw all that trouble in Sweden that night.  He takes his channel surfing very seriously believe you me.  Between Fox News, Breitbart, and InfoWars who needs those bloated security briefings.  And for your information he quit speed surfing a long time ago- ever since Kellyanne stuck those 4×6 photos of the president in the corners of all the White House television sets.  She’s pretty sharp and realized that whenever he sees himself anywhere on those TV screens he takes extra time to pay attention.  That trick worked so well she had wall to wall mirrors installed in all the White House bathrooms so he could stare at himself while he was backing the brown bus out of the garage.  Not being in such a hurry there mitigated his constipation problem as well as improved his self esteem.  Gotta hand it to that Kellyanne.  Where in the heck has she been lately.  I sure hope she’s OK.

What chaps my ass even more is how the dishonest media keeps harping about the president’s amazing electoral  college victory.   So many times he has politely pointed out what a  record smashing achievement it was, and then you see the press crabbing about it.   It happened again during the president’s first press conference   So typical.  For Pete’s sake how many times does President Trump have to tell these guys how tremendous his landslide win was?  It was huge!  There has never been a public appearance of his that he has not mentioned it.  When will these morons start listening?  He got 306 electoral votes!  There was something fishy about two of those votes, but that just goes to show there’s voter fraud going on.  And then that dick reporter had the gall to nit-pick over some past election results.  Fake News  If the president of the United States says he won by the largest margin since Ronald Reagan, then he won by the largest margin since Ronald Reagan!  End of story!  He was given that information by somebody, so there you go.  Even more importantly, he has seen that information around. What more proof do you want?  You can’t deny somebody and around are impressively credible sources.  The dishonest media should take notes from our president and quit pulling unnamed sources out of their asses.  Further more, take a look at where his win total stands with respect to all presidential elections.  Out of 58 presidential elections, President Trump’s ranks 46th in win margin.  That is almost exactly where he falls numerically in presidential sequence.  That is fucking amazing!

So take heed news media.  Start paying attention to what our president says and report his facts, which are the true facts and best facts you can get.   We are sick and tired of all the fake news you are putting out.  He knows exactly what’s going on and he knows lots of big words that in the past have apparently confused you.  Sad!