WOW!  You have to be impressed with this “MeToo” movement.   By the end of every day now  you can count on a new guy headlining the sexual misconduct list.  Keep it going girls.  This is long overdue.  In the way of full disclosure, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to any female anywhere whom I might have offended in any way at any point in time. And to all my fellow guys out there, it would behoove you also to get out ahead of this.  You know damn well you don’t remember half the stuff you did when you were shit-faced back in college.  And what about that ex girlfriend that still hates your guts?  These ladies mean business, so count on sweating it out at the very least, and if you’re going to be an asshole about this you are totally screwed.

I got to thinking about all the gender righteousness swirling about, and besides once again stating it’s about time, there are a couple of other things that I think need to be addressed.  Men are pigs, no doubt about it.  But still, all pigs are not created equal.  I was relieved to hear several females, newscasters like Stephanie Ruhle and political professionals like Stephanie Cutter come to our defense at least in a small way and underline the fact that you can’t throw every offensive man into one extremely large bucket.  There are different levels of shitty behavior and each case should be judged separately.  But just what is the line that defines that which is totally inexcusable?  Keep in mind I am talking about the past.  I am hopeful what is taking place presently in the gender domaine of our social structure will not be just another futile surge, like citizenry gun control entreats that flame out within a few weeks after every god damned mass shooting we have in this country.  I think we really are at a watershed moment where women are mad as hell and are not going to take it anymore.  My guess is that from now on there will be, as should be, a very high bar expected of my fellow man-boars.

But what about the past?  How do you grade our past bad behavior?  What is the line that absolutely should not be crossed?  It’s a question raised even by the educated ladies commentating in the media.  Fortunately for you I think I can be of assistance here, and the tool I utilize is one that is universally considered nearly infallible- math.  It has suddenly become fairly well established that when push comes to shove, believe the woman not the man when charges of sexual misconduct are involved.  And as the number of females increases in corroboration, the stronger their case.  With that in mind I have come up with this handy “scale of fuckedness.”

Point one.  Only one female plaintiff.  Sorry ladies but this is still classic he said/she said.  I believe you.  The guy just plain looks shifty. But there are simply not enough numbers to back you up.  Blame the math.

Point two.  Two female plaintiffs.  OK.  the gals have something here.  This is enough to consider the defendant guilty.  But still.  It’s not enough to label  him totally repugnant.  Of course the charge must be considered also.  Pedophilia would be a deal breaker here.  I would have to throw in beastiality too.  Geezuz what’s wrong with this guy.

Point three.  Three female plaintiffs.  This guy is pushing the envelope. Likewise he has likely  been pushing himself up against a number of young ladies who do not appreciate it.  He could stand some counseling.  Starting to migrate into Creepyville here.

Point four.  Four female plaintiffs.  You got this guy by the balls, and not in a way he is usually dreaming about.   He deserves all the dick-deflating repercussions that come his way.  Take him for all he’s worth ladies.

Point five.  Five female plaintiffs.  Are you kidding me?  This has  deviant predatory behavior stamped all over it.  What I suggest here is breaking out an updated scarlet letter.   What must adorn this guy whenever he is out and about in public is a shirt which has inscribed upon it a huge letter “P” -for perv.  Make that a hair-shirt.

Point six.  Six female plaintiffs.  I don’t know what to say.  Honest to god my entire gender apologizes for this. This guy is total pond scum. House arrest should definitely be considered.

Point seven.  WTF!  This needs to go no further.  Anything over six- LOCK HIM UP!! This piece of shit should have his testicles revoked.  You can bet for every charge on record  there are a couple that go unreported. It’s time to step up now gals.  Strike while the iron’s hot.  It’s his crushed nuts on your ice cream.  

So there you have it.  Graph this out and as you will see that point where a man crosses over into definable despicable behavior is around the 2.8 point.   You do know how to plot an “L” graph I hope?  Geezuz Kreist it’s not that hard.  Just draw a big “L” and label the two lines.  Trust me it will all come into focus.  And keep in mind this criteria is for for past behavior.  What is on the horizon is zero tolerance.  Guys, in the future plan on getting totally fucked if you are anywhere close to crossing this pre- “MeToo” demarcation..  And by fucked I mean that literally- by your psychotic 270 pound cell mate.

Which somehow brings me to a second thought I have.  Where in the hell was all this contemptuous gyno-energy during the presidential campaign?   I’ll admit I can’t figure out women, but I will never understand how a man exhibiting this type of aberrant behavior and running for president of the United States failed to light the fire.  Sadly it seems if Harvey Weinstein just would have been ratted out in the summer of 2016, there would have been a far different presidential outcome and the country would be significantly better off for it.

Which brings me to my third thought.  Actually it is more a suggestion.  I think this movement needs some internal housekeeping, a cleansing within your own ranks.  Please go find that woman wearing the “Trump can grab my pussy” tee.  She needs some serious counseling from your organization.

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