Monthly Archives: November 2018

Trump Deploys Military to Sierra Nevadas to Stop Impending Pine Needle Invasion

Reminiscent of biblical prophet Isaiah’s call to “beat swords into plowshares,” President Trump has ordered the 1st Infantry Division to arm themselves with rakes instead of rifles and head for the California hills.  The purpose of the deployment, which is being called “Operation Clean Sweep” is to prevent future forrest fires in the Sierra Nevada Mountains by removing all the pine needles and other debris that is invading the forrest floor.  The soldier’s attack will begin with a flanking maneuver at the southern foothills and terminate at the northern end of the range.  The unit’s commander, General George McMacalaney, stated he was confident his men would have the entire forrest floor cleared by early fall of 2025.  “We’ll have some rough winters up there, but my men are tough as nails.  The president made it clear he wants everything brown cleaned out of the country, and the United States Army intends to do its part to achieve that objective.”

On the horizon is the even more ambitious project of raking out the Rocky Mountains.  It is rumored the president will assign that task to the Marines.

 

 

1st Infantry Members Engaged in Raking Drill

Trump Set to Schedule Statue of Liberty for Demolition

Continuing his unremitting rage against French President Emmanuel Macron and anything French, President Trump today announced his plans to blow up the Statue of Liberty and replace it with something better.  After unleashing a barrage of anti-French  twitter tirades, banning French toast and French fries from government commissaries and placing a 50% tariff on French wine, White House staffers are hopeful leveling the iconic French gift to America will finally appease the president’s wrath.

The president revealed his plan during a meeting with Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke and members of the National Parks Service, which he oversees.   Zinke indicated he is in complete agreement with the president.  “I met with the president this morning and I understand how he feels.  Dynamiting Lady Liberty would be the perfect response to those insulting remarks Macron made about President Trump during his World War I Commemoration speech.   We get rid of a decaying eyesore plus I can then lease out New York Harbor to some of my Manhattan friends for oil exploration.  It’s a win-win,” Zinke stated.

Zinke went on to explain that the president has never really cared for Lady Liberty, and has been contemplating his idea  ever since India unveiled its 600 ft statue of Indian independence leader Sardar Patel.  Zinke mentioned it is the president’s feeling that since  the statue that universally symbolizes American patriotism does not even clear the knee caps of the one in India, he would see to it his “America First” policy was implemented appropriately and erect something more manly.  

 

 Mock up of proposed Statue of Greatness that will replace the Statue of Liberty. The 800 ft sculpture will rotate 360 degrees atop Trump Tower, and will be able to be seen from five surrounding U.S. states

 

Patriotism is when love of your own people comes first; nationalism, when hate of people other than your own comes first.”  Charles de Gaulle quoted in Washington Post

 

 

 

 

 

Our Impending Banana Republic

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.  For sure I’m angry.  This Whitaker appointment is mind-numbingly outrageous.  Is Trump blatantly daring anyone to suggest conflict of interest?  He is practically guiding us through a maze of his obstruction of justice practices that has as its terminal reward an area marked “Conviction.”  Trump replacing Jeff Sessions with Matthew Whitaker as AG is like you replacing a district court judge with your favorite drunk uncle to hear your DUI case.

First of all what are his qualifications?  He’s a crook.  Wantonly Whitaker  That has a certain appeal to Trump I realize, but scamming people,  threatening them and otherwise involving yourself in a company that gets hammered with a multi million dollar FTC fine is something you normally would not want appearing on your resume.  If Whitaker ever managed to go before the senate for confirmation, even the most entrenched Trump sycophant would have trouble agreeing with his unconventional positions on Supreme Court decisions and the Court itself.  

AG Matthew Whitaker (above) seen here dreaming of conferencing with Bernie Madoff and Iowa congressman Steve King for their input on finance, immigration, and the best way to remove stubborn bathroom tile stains 

Second, can Trump even legally appoint his own unconfirmed AG?  NO!  The constitution has a provision for proper succession of senate confirmed members of the Justice Department.   Regardless of constitutional updating, the Sessions firing creates no emergency, and even if that applied, the appropriate person is in place to succeed him- Rod Rosenstein.

Thirdly, appointing Matthew Whitaker as AG stinks to high heaven of obstruction and conflict of interest.  Whitaker has made it abundantly clear he would do everything possible to obstruct or derail the Mueller investigation.

This is the kind of shit that goes on in Central American banana republics- suppression of free speech and the press and autocratic control of the judicial system.  Trump will always expect total fealty from his appointees, and his constant badgering and humiliation of Jeff Sessions would seem to indicate he absolutely demands it of his Attorney General.  Loyalty to Trump rather than judicial integrity is what matters. In Matthew Whitaker he has found just the stooge he’s been looking for.

There is at least one good thing that will come of the Trump presidency.  He has unwittingly exposed a few flaws in our form of government that obviously need to be addressed.  There should be no question that other than in an extreme emergency the president does not have any power to randomly appoint an AG without senate confirmation.  That there is even the slightest debate about whether or not  Trump has the power to alter the 14th constitutional amendment of his own volition is ridiculous.  If that is the case, I suggest we elect a gun control advocate as our next president and insist he take it upon himself to add a clause or two to the second amendment and end its ambiguity once and for all.   Imagine how that would fly.  Our system has constitutional safeguards that are supposed to prevent those types of autocratic hubris from happening- chiefly the checks and balances of the legislative branch.  They have been abdicated for far too long.   Let’s hope a Democrat controlled House of Representatives restores strength to that proposition.

BREAKING NEWS!  How can you keep up with this guy?  Now Trump is denying he even knows the person he illegally hand-picked to replace Sessions.  As the investigative noose around him tightens, you have to wonder if Trump will deny knowing Don Jr.

VOTING TUESDAY- It should be all about our Walls

Walls.  The perfect metaphor to characterize political discourse and American society in general.  Do we need one along our southern border?  I don’t think so.  Most Democrats and I am pretty sure any fiscally responsible Republican would agree.  We all want border control and immigration reform.  The fear mongering fomented by the White House is appalling.  If we had executive and congressional leadership that is willing to compromise we could constructively solve the border problem.  But we don’t have that.  The Republicans are controlled by Trump and his Scaredy-Cat wing of that party, and for years the Democrats have sat around with their heads up their asses and have consistently failed to hammer out a feasible plan.

You know where we will be needing a wall?  Along our entire coastline if we don’t start taking climate change seriously.  Maybe we should start saving up for that.  Better yet, when you vote please consider your selected candidate’s position on the environment.  Honest to god we have to stop ignoring the detrimental impacts we are inflicting on our planet . Candidates stuffing their pockets with fossil fuel money will not be protecting your best interests, or that of our upcoming generations.

And generationally speaking, please, all you young people who are eligible to vote- get off your ass and do it!  Voting has been a hard fought right in this country, and pathetically that fight is still ongoing.  Voting is pivotal to our entire way of governing.  The more people who vote, the more democratic the whole process is.  You know why you feel like you keep getting screwed by the system?  Because you are getting OUT VOTED!  Guess who looks out for themselves by getting to the polls in huge numbers.  Old people.  And stinking  rich people.  Hey, don’t look at me.  I’m old but I ain’t rich.  I’ve been trying real hard to be a carefully selective voter- I am a proud, registered Independent.

This is the United States of America, the country that shines the light on democracy.  What has made us great is our innovation, our open mindedness,  our freedoms, reasonable restraining rules of law, our work ethic and our religious and cultural diversity that emphasizes and accepts individuality.  E Pluribus Unum. We have shown the world how this “grand experiment” works, and we are constantly tinkering with it.   That usually makes it better. but at times there is an explosion in the laboratory, and we need to clean up the mess.  This is one of those times.