The official investigation of the tragic collapse of the Francis Scott Key Bridge might take awhile to complete, but you know what they say- time is money. So in the interest of time I thought I would do everyone a favor and synopsize how the events unfolded according to a crack team of Republican influencers. The cargo ship’s collision with the bridge was an intentional attack (Rep. Marjorie Taylor Green) probably terrorist in nature (Steve Bannon), no doubt a sabotage event conducted by undocumented immigrants (Maria Bartiromo) who were brainwahed by DEI programs (State Rep. Phil Lyman, Elon Musk ), and who selected as a target a bridge weakened by Biden’s infrastructure bill that places way too much emphasis on climate change (Rep. Nancy Mace), with all said nefariousness ultimaley conducted and coordinated by President Biden’s weaponized Department of Justice. ( Sen. Eric Schmitt).
Public Servants at Your Service
Rest assured members of this dedicated cohort thoroughly researched this situation in their usual expeditious manner. There is never an opportune occasion whereby they deprive the nation of their expertise. These are seasoned public informants, capable of quickly ascertaining the most minute details of any unanticipated crisis. When a gigantic cargo ship the length of the Eiffel Tower and transporting 4,700 shipping containers with a total weight of 116,000 tons looses power and all propulsion in the middle of the surging current of a large river, who could doubt their commanding comprehension of such a merritime calamity .
As we all know our country is about to experience one of its darkest hours. All America anxiously awaits another carefully crafted explanation that will be offered by the ever expanding body of wisdom that resides within the ranks of the GOP. It is they, and only they, who can provide proper warning of, and hopefully extraction from, the talons of wokeness that clutch us with paralyzing fear. We can count on them to furnish a clear understanding of how Joe Biden’s deep state is about to remove the sun from the sky and plunge the nation into total blackness on April 8th. Prepare yourselves!