Impressed with the results Attorney General Barr achieved in dismissing charges against former national security advisor Michael Flynn, President Trump instructed him to see what he could do to assure the country that his plan of looking like he is doing something is just the ticket to move the country forward. Grateful to be of service in any way, the AG eagerly sat down with Fox News and explained some nuances of the president’s pandemic policy of torpid minimalism. .
Mr. Barr mentioned that places like South Korea and Germany hardly put any effort into looking like they are doing something. “Well, you know some countries have these low numbers of cases and deaths but look at us. With all the big numbers in our country, it is clear the president is out there doing his absolute best to look like he’s doing something.”
The AG went on to say any criticism of the president should be redirected to President Obama, and reminded everyone that President Trump is the current president and therefore has immunity from all things bad. “As you know a former president does not have that protection and therefore it is only logical to conclude that President Obama got us into this mess.”
It was pointed out to the AG that when the president actually tried to do something it seemed to confuse the American public- like establishing defined guidlines and then immediatley encouraging people to ignore them. Mr. Barr suggested that if you do the math, that is all in keeping with the presidents policy. “You establish something positive, and then you take it away with something negative, that equals zero. Same thing. I will say I have mentioned to the president it would probably be best if he kept it simple and stay away from injecting details. In this crisis, it’s important that we all help this president stay focused on looking like he is doing something.”
In a related matter, since the AG had previously stated he would be keeping a watchful eye on any shifty restriction of constitutional freedoms, he was asked how he felt about people flagrantly disregarding face masking and intimidating public servants with assault rifles and waving confederate flags. “Not everyone who doesn’t wear a face mask is an inconsiderate asshole, and not everyone threatening you with a firearm or waving a confederate flag is a hyper-insecure racist douchbag. Basic liberties are involved. It’s my opinion that people should be free to die and introduce anyone around them to illness and death. After all, death is the ultimae freedom”.
In a closing statement, Mr. Barr said remindfully, “You can all sleep well tonight knowing your president is out there doing everythng he can to look like he is doing something.”