Undeterred by the disappointing results of their Cyber Ninja audit, it has emerged that Arizona Republicans will now move forward with yet another election audit, and this time they really mean business.  That’s because the person put in charge of this audit is none other than former President Trump’s man for all Four Seasons, Rudy Giuliani.

When contacted by reporters yesterday, Mr. Giuliani seemed extremely confident the people he  has in mind to scrutinze ballots would unfailingly turn up election chicanery.  Although he wouldn’t go into specific details, he did reveal that his audit would be conducted by a team of cyborgs and ninjas with unprecedented experience in meeting out justice.  “I told the Arizona Republicans last time that this is the way to go,” Mr.Giulini stated.  “CyBORGS and ninjas, not Cyber Ninjas.  Well, they got mixed up.  Mistakes happen, like landscape businesses and hotels. That stuff just happens.”

Mr. Giuliani went on to explain how the ninjas, with their extremely quick reflexes and hand-eye coordination will flip through ballots at the speed of light, and cyborgs will use their amazing powers of vision and computer interfacing to sort out anything nefarious.  “There’s no doubt in my mind these guys will find those bamboo ballots.  And you know darn well there’ll be other things, like counterfit things.  What do you suppose the Democrats do with all the leftovers of the babies they eat?  Everyone knows what’s going on in those pizza parlor basements.  It wouldn’t surprise me one bit if they’re manufacturing ballots using paper made out of cadaver skin.  And Venezuelan oil!  You can bet those voting machines are loaded with oil from that communist country.  And dead people! You know dead people smell horrible.  If there are votes filled out by dead people a cyborg will pick up on it just like that,” Giuliani said with a self-assured snap of his fingers.

Giuliani claims a half dozen cyborgs will do the trick.                          A Mr. Chi will supervise all ninjas