In response to the recent mass shooting in Lewiston Maine, newly elected House Speaker Mike Johnson stated he will introduce legislation making it mandatory for all United States bowling alleys to install appressed armories on their premises.

Johnson made his proposal during a morning press conference.  Noting that the nation  has come a long way in making certain its citizens have easy access to firearms, he appologised for letting bowling alleys slip through the cracks of congressional supervision.  “It is imperative that we make it clear that any bad man with a gun entering a bowling alley will regretfully encounter  an army of good men with lots of guns.”  Johnson went on to explain how simple it would be to implement his plan.  “Now when a bowler walks up to the rental counter, he can simply be sized for a semi automatic of his choice as well as his shoes.”

The Speaker went on to assure Americans that they could count on more innovative measures like this one from a rejuvinated congress and they will all continue to work hard to ensure public saftey with thoughts and prayers.

SHUT UP!