Wait a minute!  Did you see this?  I just read on the ESPN website that we can’t use the phrases “Do your job” or “We are all patriots.”  The New England Patriots own them, and the rest of us are just shit out of luck, maybe even going to get slapped with a fine, if we use these words.  I think that’s the message anyway.  The article said owner Robert Kraft and the Patriots have trademarked both of these phrases, even had them stamped on their Super Bowl rings.  I’m no lawyer, but isn’t a trademark a legal presumption of ownership?   To me that means we can’t go around carelessly using those words.  That seems rather ballsy of the Patriot’s organization if you ask me.  Cripes these guys seem to be going out of their way to piss everyone off.  Spygate, Inflategate, and now this.  What is wrong with these people.  I guess I can see how they might get all ginned up about that patriots phrase.  The word patriots is right in there, and after all that’s what they call themselves.  But god damn it, any red blooded US citizen should be a patriot, and if you are not then just get the hell out of this country.  We don’t need you.  The New England Patriots are not the only patriots out there.  We should all be, and we all ought to be able to proclaim it.  And for Pete’s sake I don’t want any Muslims going ape shit on me about all this.  Don’t start reading anything into this that isn’t there.  Don’t be so damn sensitive.  I know very well you’re just as patriotic as anyone else.  Well almost.  Maybe all those fellas that have an arsenal of guns and ammo stored in their house have something to say about that.  I certainly don’t want to piss any of you guys off either.  Maybe you are just a smidgen more patriotic.  You seem way better equipped to go to war them I am, I’ll give you that.  Ok, we’re all square then?

But “Do your job”?  Holy Hosanna I’m glad I’m retired.  I said that all the time while I was  working.  You should have seen some of the dip shits I had to deal with.  The potted plants customers dropped off as an appreciative Christmas gift got more work done than some of

PRODUCTIVE                                                          MARGINALLY PRODUCTIVE

them.  If I had to pay a fine every time I said or wrote “Do your job”, I’d still be working just to pay off all the fines.  Do you suppose consistent violators will get jail time?  Of course I guess the only way you’ll get caught is if a New England Patriot is hanging around your place.  But still.  You better be careful. It would be just like Belichick to ferret out offenders with an army of roaming snitches.  He was commanding officer during Spygate after all.

The whole thing just seems bazaar to me.  Can you really trademark a language?  I’m going to start checking into this, I’ll tell you that.  I think I want to get in on the action, actually.  I have a few choice phrases I could become very serious about owning.  In fact, most of them would apply to how I feel about the New England Patriots right about now.  I’m not going to tell you what they are.  That way I have a better chance of suing you when I think you’re using them.  I’ve been looking for a way to pull in some extra spending money now that I’m retired.  I don’t know where you go to get one of these trademarks, but I bet I can find out with a Google search.  I wonder if I get to stipulate the penalty for infringement?  If I like you, you don’t have to worry.  I won’t press charges.  But if I ever catch a New England Patriot using any of my trademarked phrases, they are in a shit load of trouble.  I think I have struck gold here.  I can not tell you how many times my phrases have been bleeped out during a televised football game.  And a word of caution.  I’m pretty good at reading lips.