Category Archives: Politics

President to Explore Possibility of Slapping House Dems with Tariffs

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During a questioning session by the press on the White House lawn yesterday, President Trump lashed out at House Democrats for what called “unfair corruption treatment.”  Stating once again that he has never done anything wrong in his entire life, the president said he would retaliate by finding a way to impose a tariff on any Democrat participating in any of the dizzying  number of investigations swirling around him and his administration. When Kellyanne Conway was asked if the president actually thought this was feasible, she stated that  President Trump has always been confident in the leverage power of tariffs.  “Just look how he handled being jilted by President Xi of China and anything to do with Mexico,” she stated.

The President Xi comment  was an obvious reference to the fact that  President Trump is not afraid to get personal with tariffs.  After President Xi and Russian President Putin deliberately snubbed Trump by excluding him from their autocratic power circle recently, the President of the United States made it clear that President Xi would really be sorry if he doesn’t sit down with him soon and reestablish their besties relationship.  Not only will he likely tag the Chinese president with a biting nick name, but he adamantly stated  he would slap him in the face with some tariffs.

   President Xi Gifts President Putin a Best Friends Necklace

It is rumored the president is now so enamored with tariffs he won’t hesitate to utilize them at will to discourage perceived mistreatment of any kind.  The word is next on his list are Nervous Nancy and the 15th hole on the Mar a Lago golf course.

 

 

 

 

 

mentioned ever since the president felt jilted by China’s president Xi

with Trump anything was possible.

 

and it was his impression that recently  just mentioning the word tariff made the president feel good about himself.

next n pelosi and the 15 hole

 

Poll Shows Trump Supporters Discouraged by His Obstruction Ineptitude

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The poll of Trump supporters that was taken two days ago to asses the impact the Mueller report had on their opinions revealed some noteworthy findings.  In particular it indicated that many were stunned by the inconsistent results the president has had in carrying out acts of obstruction.  Typical of exit polling remarks were those of Herbert Gliterman.  “I have to admit the report left me a little disappointed.  We all know what a great lier he is.  Nobody comes close.  Sure he can get friends and family to lie right along with him. But I just don’t understand how he can’t seem to get the really important people around him to lie too.  What kind of leadership is that?”  Gliterman (pictured) placed some of the blame for Trump’s failings on what he called “tight-assed m*****f*****s,” a term his wife  later explained was Mr. Gliterman’s way of describing traditional Washington bureaucrats.

 

Pollsters reported there is one other finding that stood out.  Many people seem conflicted about the revelation that President Trump could not supply an answer to 37 of the written interview questions that he was asked to submit to Mueller investigators. “I’m a little concerned,” said  poll participant Margie Netherbottom.  “That’s not like him.  Everyone knows what a great memory he has.  He mentions that at almost every rally.  And the best brain.  He has a dynamite brain.  He’s out there commenting about his fantastic brain all the time.  I certainly hope he’s all right.”

Others, like Paul Wintermunster, had a different point of view.  “Don’t let all the preposterously unbelievable number of unanswered questions fool you.  That all just shows what a genius the man is.  He’s the deal maker.  He sets the rules.  I mean It’s not like he was under oath.  And even if he was, who cares?”

President Trump responded to the negative polling fallout  later in the day.  It read,  “Who knew obstruction pf justice could be so hard.”

 

SWAT Team Rescues Group of Terrified Mar-a-Lago Residents

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This afternoon the Palm Beach police department’s SWAT unit stormed President Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Resort in response to reports that a large group of people were being held hostage there.  Upon arrival, the police were informed there were about three dozen residents barricaded in one of the hotel’s dinning rooms.  When there was no response to law enforcement inquiries from anyone in that room, the door was breached with a battering ram.  Fortunately everyone inside was found to be unharmed.

According to the police, the situation developed after a resident spotted someone who resembled an “hispanic-looking person” exiting President Trump’s suite.  Word quickly spread that there were MS 13 gang members marauding through the building and soon an hysterical mob of panic stricken residents formed and for self protection they locked themselves in the dining hall.

Curious as to why everyone in the room was  clutching a kitchen utensil of some sort,  the police were informed that, rather than submit to the impending  torture and dismemberment at the hands of Guatemalan gang members, the group had planned a mass suicide.  “I think we got here just in the nick of time,” concluded SWAT team leader, captain Reggie Ringwald.

The person who initiated the panic was quickly apprehended.  Her name is Margarita Sanchez-Fuentes, President’ Trump’s housekeeper and an illegal immigrant.  She will be held for deportation, along with three other undocumented Trump employees discovered on the premises.  Many of the distraught residents seemed confused and voiced concern that the president of all people would hire illegals.  But all were exceedingly thankful no one in the Trump family had been savagely slaughtered.

  Former Trump Housekeeper and Undocumented Immigrant Margarita Sanchez-Fuentes (pictured) Could Serve a Six Month Jail Sentence for “Terroristic Threats  Against the  Emotionally Fragile”  Before Her Deportation

 

Trump’s Resort Hired Undocumented Workers

 

President Trump Has No Use for Intelligence

 

 

The Witch Hunt that Wasn’t

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Son of a bitch this pisses me off!  BuzzFeed just had to screw the pooch with a vaguely verified story about Trump and now we will be subjected to a barrage of “fake news” tweets and Fox News chest thumping, all of it because reporters employed by a normally credible news organization got all churned up by the vainglorious temptations of first reporting.  The huge majority of the news produced by our prominent mainstream media is accurate, but one report out of 100 that proves to be dubious is all it takes for the Trump camp to claim validation to their “all mainstream news is fake news” position.

Once you extract yourself from this pile of horse shit , the odor won’t linger so long when you realize Trump and Giuliani have basically acknowledged the legitimacy of the Mueller investigation and will find it difficult to call it a “witch hunt” any longer.  Robert Mueller’s decision to reprimand Buzzfeed is obviously viewed by Trump as a very favorable outcome for him.  In light of the complimentary comments made by both Trump and Giuliani about Mueller’s decision to break with precedent and make a public statement, we should with some certainty be assured that the president will finally come to grips with what the Mueller investigation is all about- an impartial imperative to seek out the truth.

Accuracy Before Hubris- Please!

 

Senator Hatch Has Had It With All The Annoying Corruption Restraints

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When Senator Orrin Hatch was recently asked by CNN reporter Manu Raju how he felt about President Trump being implicated in felonious campaign finance crimes,  he admonished the nosey reporter by saying that it was just another attempt by Democrats to hurt the president.  After Mr. Raju rudely interrupted the Senator with a querulous fact that it was a Trump appointed federal prosecutor and not the Democrats who were making the accusations, the senator shrewdly pointed out that he “didn’t care,” and added,  “all I can say is he’s doing a good job.” Hatch Glad Pesky Laws Don’t Intimidate Trump

Senator Hatch went on to shame the reporter, taunting him with jabs at his lack of common knowledge of the workings of a modern democracy.  The senator stung the scribe with phrases like “the economy is doing great” and “we are in better shape than before he was president,” verbiage that surely served as a humiliating reminder to Mr. Raju that Orrin Hatch couldn’t be more pleased with the shape of his personal bank accounts.  Cleary the reporter had to realize he was in over his head.  As every good citizen should know there can be no greater president in the eyes of a senator than one that can somehow manage to sign off on a law that passes along  huge windfalls in real estate tax breaks to esteemed members of the legislative branch of our government.  

Continuing his civics tutorial with  this unprepared pupil, Senator Hatch reminded Mr. Raju  that in this country you can make “anything a crime under the current laws” an obvious reference to the fact that we need fewer laws in order that fewer be broken, or maybe we need more laws to counter all the laws that are already being broken.  He was not quite clear on all the crime and brokenness.  But one thing he did make perfectly clear.  He was not about to stand around and do nothing about all the botheration,  and before he retires he is bound and determined to scour the capital city to find out just where all these inconvenient laws are coming from.  

If you are interested in more captivating discussions concerning Senator Orrin Hatch, perhaps you might like to read  Senator Hatch Ranks the Presidents

Trump Set to Schedule Statue of Liberty for Demolition

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Continuing his unremitting rage against French President Emmanuel Macron and anything French, President Trump today announced his plans to blow up the Statue of Liberty and replace it with something better.  After unleashing a barrage of anti-French  twitter tirades, banning French toast and French fries from government commissaries and placing a 50% tariff on French wine, White House staffers are hopeful leveling the iconic French gift to America will finally appease the president’s wrath.

The president revealed his plan during a meeting with Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke and members of the National Parks Service, which he oversees.   Zinke indicated he is in complete agreement with the president.  “I met with the president this morning and I understand how he feels.  Dynamiting Lady Liberty would be the perfect response to those insulting remarks Macron made about President Trump during his World War I Commemoration speech.   We get rid of a decaying eyesore plus I can then lease out New York Harbor to some of my Manhattan friends for oil exploration.  It’s a win-win,” Zinke stated.

Zinke went on to explain that the president has never really cared for Lady Liberty, and has been contemplating his idea  ever since India unveiled its 600 ft statue of Indian independence leader Sardar Patel.  Zinke mentioned it is the president’s feeling that since  the statue that universally symbolizes American patriotism does not even clear the knee caps of the one in India, he would see to it his “America First” policy was implemented appropriately and erect something more manly.  

 

 Mock up of proposed Statue of Greatness that will replace the Statue of Liberty. The 800 ft sculpture will rotate 360 degrees atop Trump Tower, and will be able to be seen from five surrounding U.S. states

 

“Patriotism is when love of your own people comes first; nationalism, when hate of people other than your own comes first.”  Charles de Gaulle quoted in Washington Post

 

 

 

 

 

Rudy Giuliani Confident He Will Have Serial Killer Released in 30 Days

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Rudy Giuliani, newly appointed defense attorney for infamous serial killer David Berkowitz, told Fox News reporter Jason “Fig” Newton he will have the Berkowitz convictions overturned in 30 days.  Known more widely as “Son of Sam,” Berkowitz admitted to killing six people in New York City in the mid 1970’s and is serving six consecutive life sentences for the crimes.  When asked what kind of exculpatory evidence he has to present,  Mr. Giuliani said he was certain his “facts are in the eye of the beholder” defense was a “slam dunk”.  Behold the eyes of Rudy Giuliani  “The guy got a raw deal.” Giuliani stated.  “Sure he said he committed those murders, but at first, right when he got caught, I bet he said he did not commit those murders.  So which story are you going to believe?  And there are a lot of other people out there that if you asked them if they shot any of these victims, they’ll tell you no.   So, you round up 50 people, and they all tell you they never shot anyone?  If you believe that I have a bridge to sell you.  50 people in the United States of American and not one of them ever shot anybody?   Come on!   Who are you going to believe?  Who are you really going to believe?”

Speaking from his prison cell during a short interview with Fox’s Newton, Berkowitz said he was ecstatic to have Mr. Giuliani in his corner.  “I have to say I’m a bit dumbfounded, but I guess that’s how the law works nowadays.  I mean Mr. Giuliani would know, right?  Believe me if this works out I have more than a dozen referrals living in this very building I can hand off to Rudy.”

 

Maybe you might enjoy reading Brainwashed if you have nothing better to do, and if you are reading this it appears that is the case.

ATTENTION: Big Fire Sale at Trump White House- Don’t Miss Out!

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Ok.  A “bit miffed” is hardly how I feel about this shit Government for Sale.  What is going on here?  Is it possible that the man governing the county is this brazen?  The guy who’s speeches at every one of his political rallies past and present contains anti-China rhetoric that inflames the attending masses into jingoistic hysteria.  The guy that professes we must take away jobs in China and bring them back home.  The guy that threatens to punish countries that do any business with Iran or North Korea. That guy?  And on top of it with this maneuver Trump chooses to discard the warnings of U.S intelligence sources that the phones mentioned could be used to conduct espionage.   I guess its’ OK to ignore inconvenient U.S. law and national security and change political/trade policy course  as long as the pay-off is more money into the president’s pocket.  Somehow Trump has managed to avoid addressing the hypocrisy of  using foreign labor to manufacture his branded products.  But this!  WTF!

Then there is this Pay for Play  Unbelievable.  A little less than a year ago when a Qatar  billionaire and former prime minister of the country declined to invest in the Kurshner’s financial albatross, all of a sudden the Trump administration threw support behind the embargo that Saudi Arabia and three other regional countries instituted against Qatar.  Now that the the Kushner’s have essentially persuaded a Qatar backed investment company to bail them out, all is well and President Trump has instructed the middle eastern states that are blockading Qatar to end the sanctions.

This is absolutely in-your-face corruption, and you could easily call the Kushner case extortion.  Both of these exploitive developments just recently occurred, within days of each other.  But there is no kind of lingering discussion about any of it, because, once again, the news cycle involving the Trump administration is diverted by yet more scandal and attempted obstruction. Every time one door of the Mueller investigation appears to be closing, another one opens up.  The list of characters involved in campaign intrigue grows longer every week.  How Giuliani can make a demand that Mueller wind up his investigation is absurd.  The loose ends that keep cropping up are evolving into a Gordian Knott.  From my perspective unraveling this mess could go on for years.

Unless the investigator is really, really good.  Which brings me to my personal conspiracy theory.  Mueller is that good and Trump knows it.  It’s the only explanation I can think of that would propel Trump to contradict entrenched policies of his that stoke his base of support.  And the Kushner thing should not be ignored.  Father and son have been scouring the world to find someone to save them from bankruptcy, and Qatar has thrown them a life-line.  The end is near, but so what?  Trump connections have salvaged his son-in-law’s business, and the president might as well personally cash in at every opportunity before the roof caves in.  What’s going to happen?  Kushner’s have a signed agreement with a Qatar investment firm, and basically whatever schemes Trump can come up with to pile up personal wealth will be untouchable.  He might as well keep milking the cash cow  while he still can.

The good news here if you are disgusted with the Trump presidency is it really appears Mueller has something on Trump he will not be able to deny.  Whether it is collusion, corruption, obstruction, conspiracy, treason, or egregious financial misconduct, Trump’s Gordian Knot of malfeasance  is so complicated that at its untying there is bound to be something personally embarrassing.  One thing for sure.  Whatever the outcome of the Muller investigation, Trump and his family will be laughing all the way to the bank.

SHARE AND YOU COULD WIN A BRAND NEW CAR!

 

Recent Polling Tilting in President’s Favor

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Last week’s polling results seem to indicate President Trump’s favorability ratings are on the upswing.   Though his Vehemently Enthusiastic numbers slipped 2 percentage points into the Mildly Disappointed range, it would appear that modest decline is offset by the dramatic 12 point shift from the Despondently Suicidal upward to the slightly less unfavorable Mind-numbingly Apathetic.  It is unclear if these polling deviations were due to recent intensive investigative probing or if there is some kind of psychological adaptation occurring.  Those polled were asked to give a response to several questions related to the president’s governing policy, administration, and past and present conduct.  Topics covered included:

Nepotism and related corruption, repetitive failure of administrative officials to complete federal disclosure forms,  Stormy Daniels, cover-up, hush money, rampant cabinet corruption and abuse of power, bloated personal and family travel expenses, Russian involvement in democratic processes, campaign involvement with Russians, obstruction of justice,  personal involvement with Russians,  the Mueller investigation in general, hypocrisy of Asian production of Trump products,  administrative staff turn-over, administrative staff incompetence, ignoring proper personnel vetting processes, Access Hollywood tape, hiring former lobbyists, the Steele dossier,  Karen McDougal, juvenile name-calling and bullying, Steve Bannon, personal “fixer” Michael Cohen, political/personal conflicts of interest, violations of the emoluments clause, refusal to release  tax records, tax evasion, Carl Icahn, condoning insider trading,  admiration of diabolical despots, professional hiring/firing practices, grasp of basic domestic policy, grasp of basic foreign policy, mocking the physically handicapped,  inconsistent Middle East military strategy,  multiple sexual assault allegations, reading competency level, incomprehensible ability to convince white evangelical Christians to abandon Christian principles, understanding of scientific data and inquiry, acceptance of responsibly, Paul Manafort, money laundering, distorting reality, paranoiac criticism of media and law enforcement, obsessive/compulsive television viewing, creepy physical attraction to daughter Ivanka, incoherent rants and tweets, inability to tell the truth, threats against political opponents, threats against common citizens, demonizing minorities, condoning activity of known hate groups, demolishing public safety safeguards, expansion of religious exemptions to anti-discrimination protections, James Comey, undoing expansion of overtime pay,  endangering worker safety, stifling consumer protection agencies and thwarting financial industry safeguards, hypocritical hiring of undocumented workers, concealing White House visitor log, withholding DC Trump hotel documents, Michael Flynn, narcissistic and self-congradulatory rhetoric, multiple bankruptcies, stiffing creditors and contractors, tenant intimidation, housing discrimination, mafia ties, Trump University fraud, inordinate number of golfing excursions, self-dealings of Trump Foundation, estate tax repeal and other tax breaks for the wealthy, misleading the public about who benefits from tax plan, lying about how tax plan affects personal finances, duping the general public by insisting Mexico will pay for a border wall, caving to hedge funds and private equity firms, massive cuts to student aid, allowing big companies to pollute our air and water and otherwise inflict irreparable damage to the natural world.

When people were asked how they were able to extract themselves from the group considering suicide, poll participant Troy Smuckers suggested folks do what he did and enlist the help of a local mental health facility.   “It’s all pretty overwhelming and I came real close,” he said.  “Fortunately I got in touch with Steve at the Trump Help Line downtown and he said what has been helping a lot of people is simply taking a 20 pound sledge hammer and knocking out a wall of their house.  Guess what?  Steve was right!  Now that huge hole in the side of my house is a lot bigger problem then all this fucking bullshit Trump is shit-staining the country with.  Ya. I feel pretty damn good!”

 

Mr. Smuckers attributes his more positive outlook on life to the purchase of a 20 lb sledge.

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Facebook Shenanigans

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As you are now well aware one of the best places around to get fake news is right here on Facebook.  Well guess what?  Apparently my fake news is too fakey or not fakey enough, or something.  My secret sources are telling me they never saw my last two posts.  Something fishy is going on here.  I am reposting both- Trump Organization To Test Lucrative Pornography Market and White House Tragedy    If you enjoy great fake news click on these links. You don’t want to miss out.  I know Facebook is in the process of taking measures to restrict bad fake news, but my fake news is the most honest fake news you can get.   I intend to get to the bottom of this and if I smell discrimination believe you me there will be hell to pay.  You deserve the best  fake news and as always I am committed to delivering it.

                                     

Purveyor of shitty fake news                      Count on me for accurate fake news