Cyber Ninja, the cybersecurity firm hired by Arizona Republicans to conduct their 2020 election re-audit of that states Maricopa County, is pulling out all the stops in order to get to the bottom of what is widely perceived in Republican circles to be incomprehensible- a legitimate Democrat victory.  Convinced the American public understands that an election is only free and fair if Republicans win, Arizona Republicans have assigned the task of codifying this new, inovative interpretation of the US constitution to Cyber Ninja.

Though Cyber Ninja has absolutly no experience in elections, company CEO and “stop the steal” conspiracy promoter Doug Logan says that will be no impediment to competent execution of the work at hand.  Logan stated his company has  methods to thoroughly search for signs of fraud that are normally not conducted. Of particular concern to him are the pens filled with disappearing ink that he believes were handed out to Republican voters, and he is confident his knowleged of chemical subsances will facilitate reappearance of markings and detect any traces of lemon juice.

Logan has been even more vigilant in his dogged pursuit of the massive dump of Biden ballots by the Chinese goverment he is certain has occured.  Critical to that exposer, Logan believes, is locating ballots embedded with bamboo filament specific to Chinese paper products.  So far Logan has implemented the use of various lighting techniques, like untraviolet and fluorescent, but says he has not ruled out strobe or backlighting, indoor solar, black, or disco.

Though the rather unconvenional use of bamboo sniffing dogs proved to be a bust, starting this coming week Logan is stepping up that approach. It has emerged that he has clandestinely procured a couple of panda bears that he is certain will turn the tide.  In the words of Mr. Logan, “We’ll just turn the pandas loose and let them go to work. Nothing will deter us from restoring America’s confidence in our electoral system.”  Added Arizona Congressman Paul Gosar, ” It is critically important that people know they can always depend on the Republican Party to do what’s right for democracy by insuring every election has enough Republican votes to make it legitimate.”

During his evening program, Fox News commentator Tucker Carlson commended Georgia Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene for her creativity in promoting white nationalism.  Recently criticized for spouting  “great replacement” rhetoric  by suggesting that the Democratic Party is trying to replace the current electorate with “voters from the third world,” Carlson nonetheless praised Greene for “telling it like it is” with her bold initiative to establish her nativist America First Caucus.

At the heart of the America First ideology is “respect for Anglo-Saxon political traditions.”  When Democrats and a few scatered Republican colleagues voiced criticism of the proposed organization for it’s blatant racism, Greene decided to shelve the idea for now.  But Carlson said that is a mistake, and suggested that with a simple name change  the central idea would have more appeal.

“A lot of what America First emphasizes is already being done in the GOP’s Freedom Caucus,” Carlson said.  Changing the name of the America First Caucus to the Caucasian Caucus would go a long way to clarify things. First of all, America First’s primary objective appears to actually be discriminatory.  Not racist, but discriminatory.  The organization should make it clear our country accepts ALL white people, not just  Anglo Saxons.  Second, believe it or not there is not one congressional organization that is specifically dedicated to voicing only white demands and grievances.  Representative Greene has identified a need that has been neglected for too long.”

When it was suggested what he was proposing was promoting white supremacy just as egregiously as Marjorie Taylor Greene, Carlson  immediatly assumed his ever familiar appearance of profound, cross-eyed confusion and restated his firm belief that no such thing exists.  “There is no white supremacy in this country.  Show me where there is white supremacy.  Yes some people like myself believe only white people should be living in our country and all non-white people here are occupying precious space reserved for deserving white people, but that doesn’t mean white people consider themselves superior.  We just don’t particlarly care for people with a different pigmentation.  The constitution was written by white people, for white people.  Not one black, brown yellow or red person signed the Declaration of Independence.  Those are the plain facts.”

When Carlson was asked what his understanding was of the “all men are created equal” clause in the Declaration of Independence, his deflective reply focused on the importance of the indivdual liberties gauranteed by our foundational documents.  ” We have pleny of diversity in the white American population.  That’s what’s great about our country. The Republicans and this new caucus Representative Greene is proposing is a perfect illustration.   Just look at what Marjorie Taylor Greene herself brings to the table.  She knows the importance of Second Amendment rights and leads by example.  When she spotted an annoyingly unarmed gun safety advocate walking down the street, she threatened and harassed him for an entire city block.  And she was only carrying a concealed hand gun.  Image how intimidating she can be with one of her assault rifles clutched in her hands.  That’s an image that’s American to the core.”

  MTG-  Busy Making America Great

Carlson went on to catalogue the congressmen he was certain the Caucasian Caucus will attract.  Representative Matt Gaetz he believes is a shoo in since he was already on board with America First.  Gaetz represents that segment of the American white male population that, according to Carlson,  believes in the  uninhibited freedom and duty of white men to give counsel and guidance to adolecent females and provide for their interstate transportation needs.

Carslon also believes all indications are that Ohio Congressman Jim Jordan will also  be eager to join the organization.  Jordan recently confronted the GOP’s enemy number one, Dr. Anthony Fauci, and in typical bombastic, jordanary fashion,  solidly established himself as the future of Republican public health information with his whithering rebuke of Fauci implanted socialistic practices like wearing protective face masks.  Jordan’s showdown with Fauci more importantly cemented him as spokseman for all liberty loving caucasians who are sick and tired of big government imposing rational public health guidelines that selfishly protect the health and well being of the nation at the expense of freedom loving Americans who are simply seeking to do whatever they want.   Carlson is confident the GOP will continue asserting this primary perogative- that the freedoms of individual white people should always take precedence over the common good.

With two mass shootings in the past week, the American public received possibly the most encouraging sign yet that the covid scourge is in rapid decline.   The nation has been cooped up inside so long people seemed to have given little thought to the colossal carnage a couple of assault weapons can inflict.  “It’s hard to get your head around a half million deaths from a virus,” Dallas resident  Tex Wesson stated. “That’s just not something you see in this country.  But a dozen or so people mowed down in a grocery store, now that’s something you can hang your hat on.”

An even more satisfying sign that things are back to normal is the typical Republican stonewalling of any reasonable gun safety measure proposed by congress and favored by 95 percent of the voting public.  With mass shootings in abatement during the pandemic, nothing in the way of saving American lives from ongoing gun violence has even remotly been addressed legislatively.  Now that Republican Senator Ted Cruz has once again assured the nation that absolutely nothing can be done to stem the slaughter, it can be confidently stated that the U.S. Senate is safely ensconced in its pre-covid cocoon of fruitless stagnation.

Welcome back, America!

Well here we are.  January’s come and gone and I haven’t accomplished shit.  My New Years resolution was to put Trump in my rear view mirror and head down any scenic highway that leads to normalcy.  And then January 6th happened.  Now it’s Valentines Day.  Wouldn’t you know it it’s 5 below zero and there’s at least three inches of snow in the drive.  Actually it’s seven or eight in some places if you count the drifts by the garbage cans and the ridge of what is now an impenatrable barricade  of ice at the end of my driveway thanks to the asshole driving the city snowplow.

So that’s just my luck and now I can’t get out and buy that Valentines Day gift for my wife.  This year I was going to make it super special.  Like, it’s our 50th or something like that. I know she would never want me to take the chance driving around on these slick streets, and then you throw in covid and, well of course it just doesn’t make sense to take those kinds of risks. It’s a shame.  I know she really looks forward to this day every year, er, I mean we do.  I guess I’ll just have to make the best of it and watch basketball all day.  It all just sucks.

These are not the words and deeds of a normal human being.  These are not the words and deeds of a normal human being.  These are not the words and deeds of a normal human being.

This is me, gaslighting. I’ve heard it’s a great way to get your messaging across. I thought I’d give it a try.

Geezus crapp where to start.  I am smothered with blogging material.  I have typed up pages of shit the past two days and it’s more disorganized than the Trump response to the pandemic crisis.  So what I intend to do is try and address one topic at a time.  Here goes.

First off, just a quick shout out for Rick Wilson’s book “Everything Trump Touches Dies.” It would seem to be a perfect companion read to what follows.  Hold off your purchase though.  I would guess there will be a second edition coming up. Certainly the Republican party should be added to the list of things Trump has sent to the grave. Here is my blog about that.

And in a freakishly twisted fashion, Donald Trump has actually initiated the demise of his own political career, and subjected himself to criminal charges of insurection in the process.  If you are president of the United States, these are not the words and deeds of a normal human being.

Before I go through a compressed time line of Trump’s crazy behavior on the 6th of January, I should point out the ingrediants for self implosion have been obvious for a long time- Trump’s narcissistic tendencies and a consuming compulsion to lie are primary.  Secondary are all the enablers and contributors of misinformation- Republican sycophants and social media trolls.  I could detail that in muliple pages but in the interst of time I will save that for later. Maybe. If I can summon any enthusiasm.

OK, so Trump has his crowd in front of him and things are looking good.  Acolytes address the throng one after another.  Rudy Giuliani: “trial by combat.”  Congressman Mo Brooks: “time for kicking ass.”  Donald Jr.: “we’re coming for you.”  After a suitable period of priming has passed, the president himself addresses his minions with catchy phrases like …the election is an “egregious assault on our democracy” and “you will never take back our country with weakness.”  Trump’s got ’em where he wants ’em now, and sends them on their way to the U.S. Capital. At this point you could easily say these are not the words and deeds of a normal human being, but regardless, Trump is quite pleased with the way things are going.

Although Trump told his MAGA army he would be tagging along with them, he changed his mind and decided to return to the White House and watch events as they developed on television. I can just imagine him sitting on a couch with Stephen Miller munching  popcorn.  Now, how things proceeded next is detail related by Senator Ben Sasse.  I want to emphsize I am not making this up.

According to Sasse, Trump was “delighted” when he saw  the initial breach of the Capitol building.  Apparently, things were going precisely as planned.  In fact it has been reported he was surprised when others (admittedly “others” have not been identified) didn’t seem to share his enthusiasm.  These are definitely not the words and deeds of a normal human being.

But it got even worse.  In the middle of all the mayhem, with the members of congress hiding in terror inside building bunkers, Trump and Giuliani made phone calls to senators, not to offer help or inquire about their situation, but to ask if they might do the president a favor and overturn the election. These are not the words and deeds of a normal human being.

Wait, there’s more. When Trump finally showed some alarm, it was not because of all the destruction and chaos going on. The optics that bothered him were of the insurrectionists themselves.  He didn’t appreciate their “look.”  There has been no reporting that I know of that has clarified what appearance is expected of a true Trump vandal. My guess is modified buffalo skull headgear is a bit put-offish for him.  You probably shouldn’t count on any production of MAGA hats sized and constructed to accommodate that type of accessory. Anyway, these are not the words and deeds of a normal human being.

So to sum up, what unfolded at the U.S. Capital building on January 6th was planned and instigated by the President of the United States, and all pretty much went according to his plan.   The execution of violence, carnage and death upon and inside the building that most of us hold as our nation’s most sacred, and emblomatic of what our country stands for, is the perfect revenge for a sick autocratic president bent on airing his grievance of failing to be re-elected.  These are not the words and deeds of a normal human being.

That book I mentioned at the beginning- “Everyting Trump Touches Dies.”  If the title seems a bit hyperbolic, consider the fate of Mike Pence. To him I imagine there  is something chillingly literal about it when you hear an angry mob’s chant  that includes your name and the word “hang” in it.

It is so ironic that Trump’s final MAGA rally as president, his favorite vehicle for pumping out his lies and airing his grievances, the place where he could do that so successfully and with such resouding approval and applause, turned into a political  Frankenstein that threatens to shatter the reality he created with all his lies.  How he became so absorbed in the moment and found it so despirately necessary to keep feeding his ego because in his mind all the chaos was  justifiable, and was such a riveting form of entertainment for him, is something  psychologists will be studying for years to come.

There is a lot to unpack here.  As incomprehensible as it sounds , we have got to figure out how to persuade people to grasp and appreciate what is true.  And after all of this I think we will have to institute some sort of mental competency assessment of our presidential candidates. I mean this guy was just too much. He has left an odorous trail of things we need to fix. I keep saying that, Trump commits something else nefarious, and I repeat.   As we know, the repetition is desensitizing.  But between the phone call to Secretary of State Raffensberger and this “in your face” sedition, Trump has flat out proven beyond a shadow of doubt he is unfit to hold any elected office of any kind. This is not something we can just let pass, as we have been accomstomed to doing.  These are not the words and deeds of normal human being.

Lansing MI:  Citing yet another example of governmental restriction of constitutional liberty, over two dozen robustly armed patriots charged into the Michigan State Capital Building this morning to demonstrate against all forms of regulatory hand washing.  “We are sick and tired of our governor telling us what to do,” said local resident and free lance sperm donor Fred Wickster, as he nervously fidgeted with the safety switch on his gleaming 60 round Saint AR-15.  I’m not about to wash my hands just because some bureaucratic bitch says I ought to,”  Wickster loudly and confidently informed his surrounding confederates, and any of the other unfortunates who were in the building as the result of lamentably bad timing . “It’s time we stopped washing our hands and get back to normal.”

These  Michigan men seem well equipped to remind the public of their constitutional right to not wash their hands 

Herb Ridgewetter, a septic tank cleaner who lives on the Eastern Upper Peninsula, said he is taking the protest to another level by refusing to bath altogether.  “This is BULLSHIT!  BULLSHIT,” he  proclaimed, not realizing he also managed to take the discussion to another decible level.  Holding a semi automatic short barrel in each hand and brandishing crossed leather bandoliers that stored 100 rounds of ammunition acrosss his upper torso, Ridgewetter understandably commanded attention.  Whether it was this lethal appearance or his  overwhelmingly odious presence, even the stallwarts in attendance were ironically obliged to extend him the courtesy of six feet of separation recommended by the CDC. “These hands are instuments of the Lord,” Ridgewetter went on to forcefully profess.  “And only the Lord , not some phoney shit-assed politician or prissy scientific know it all, can tell me what to do with my fucKING HANDS!!”

Conspicuous for his comparatively understated display of explosive armament was Arnold Flackman, an unemployed man from rural Battle Creek.  He was holding only a Remington Wingmaster 16 gauge that he uses for bird hunting, although he also had a 20 inch machete strapped to his belt, “Just in case,” as he put it.  Flackman said he was at the event on behalf of all the restuarant workers of America.  As a recently terminated Chipotle employee, he recalled being constantly berated for failing to wash his hands.  “It was mortifying,” he said   “My hands were always dry, even bloody, from all the washing.  You don’t know what resaurant workers go through, all the constant badgering.  I mean what’s next in this country.  Are we going to have dentists showing up on our doorsteps to check if we’re brushing properly.  Who’s going to stop all this harassment?  My free hands are not going to be constrained by the shackles of some random civil decree,” he said, as he used his free hand to wipe away nasal mucous dribbling downward from the nose hole in his modified ski mask.

While he twirled the barrel of one of his Vector CR-21’s in rythmic circles,  Mr.  Ridgewetter seemingly made clear the mission statement of the entire group.  “This isn’t about hand washing or mask wearing or any of that bullshit.  It’s about freedom.  You mess with our freedom, we mess with you!”