Category Archives: Uncategorized

Lying is Trump’s Super Power; Diminished Crowd Size is His Kryptonite

Like Trump or not, I think anyone who watched video of his return from that Tulsa rally found it to be incongruently stunning.  The man so obsessed and aware of appearances looked like someone who just lost his last dollar at a casino.  Antithetical to that perception of disaster to Trump was the glimmer of hope in others that at least some Trump supporters had sense enough to stay away from such an obvious envornment for covid-19 contamination.  But you could tell the half empty arena threw Trump off his game, admitting at one point during his speech that his delivery might be interpreted as only “average.”

Full disclosure I never watched much of the live stream of the speech.  Watching the condensed version of video clips has always seemed like a more efficient use of time to me.  There was the usual casual disregard of the truth that keeps a variety of fact checkers gainfully employed.  But there is one statement he made that his aides were desperatly trying to defend as an untruth, or just a silly joke.  Of course I am talking about that comment concerning his presidential  instruction to suppress viral testing.  In no way should that be considered funny and frankly should be frightning to everyone.

In the days that followed the Tulsa rally Trump has made it clear that he was not kidding.  The comment was all too truthful, and there is attached the dog whistling effect of Trump suggesting the people inside that arena should discard the thought of any testing when they return home, which is about the only way the slightest chance for contact tracing can occur.  Of course none of this should be a total surprise.  From the very beginning of the appearance of covid-19 in the U.S., Trump’s has consistently displayed a total lack of empathy for people affected by it.  Instead, what we see a man consumed by some sort of numbers game.  We all saw that when he bluntly stated he did not want American citizens disembarking from a cruise ship with stricken individuals on board because that would reflect poorly on his  “numbers.”   And now he has unabashedly admitted to that coldly calculated view.

Trump is certainly aware of the importance of our economy to his reelection.  What is particularly dumbfounding is how someone so absorbed with these viral numbers  so consistently fails to understand the basic, underlying connection between those numbers and the economy.  The economy will never recover until the viral numbers are dramatically improved.  Until we have an effective vaccine, they will only improve if we have robust testing and contact tracing, social distancing, and at this point, mandatory wearing masks in public.  If Trump would for once show leadership and just do the simple thing of wearing a mask and promote their use we could probably cut those viral numbers in half.

So we have a president who has a history of hamstringing and gutting our health agencies and procedures,  ignores all common sense guidlines,  and then can’t figure out why the economy is stagnant or in decline.  On top of that, he is insistent on doing something that is understood as dangerously inappropriate throughout the entire world- holding mass gatherings inside of  buildings without regard to any of the recommended saftey precautions.   And now we are finding out the administration has full discretion of billions of dollars of of covid 19 testing and  tracing funds that have not been distributed.  For some reason, stuck in Trumps head is this ignorant belief that fewer tests reflect fewer cases and therefore that will be proof covid-19 is under control.  It is the logic of an incoherent mind.

We should be situated like every other country that has delt with this pandemic- well placed on the downward curve of transmission.  Even with some states opening up early, if the importance of masking and social distancing had been enforced, we might be making progress.  Instead, we are seeing covid-19 spikes all over the country, because of the vanity, ignorance and poor example of the leader of our country. Holding rallys and therefore Jeapordizing the health of American citizens in so many insideous ways just to satisfy one’s uncontrollable ego is abhorrent.  Then to watch this president use these public platforms to further incite division in an already fragile social order by using racially inflammatory language like “Kung flu” is crushing.  Asian Americans are already being denigrated.  What kind of president says that sort of thing for its entertainment value.

Make no mistake, by neglect, mismanagement, and conscious interference,  Trump is responsible for the deaths of a lot of people and the continuation of our economic distress. We are a contaminated country, leading the planet in viral transmision to the point other countries are now restricting U.S. travel to their borders.  There is a rotten apple in our midst, and it rests at the top of the barrell.

 

 

 

 

Trump Requests Minefield Instalation to Improve White House Security

In an effort to increase White House security, President Trump has ordered the U.S. Army Ordinance Corp to start planting landmines around the perimieter of the building, it has emerged.  “After those two new wall structures were put in place and topped with razor wire, the president just felt there was still something missing and hit on the idea of burying some landmines,” said press secretary Kayleigh McEneny.  She was asked if the president was at all worried about  projecting an image of panic-stricken weakness to the entire world with all the extra security measures.  “Quite the contrary,” Ms. McEneny retorted. “Our country is so fortunate to have a brave leader who understands that  the controlling power of domination is the best way to show the world how to unify a country.  And what more impressive displays of domination are there than razor wire and explosives,” she added dismissively.

Paradoxicly one person who might benefit from the mining defensive feature is Defence Secretay Mark Esper.  Considered to be the next cabinet member in line for removal after he contradicted the president over using active military to suppress citizen protests, the concealed explosive devices have produced an unforeseen task that actually might preserve Esper’s job. The president will be needing someone to lead the way through the White House grounds  to the  helipad, and he feels that duty would  most appropriately be performed by the secretary of defense.  It appears Mr. Esper can breath easy for now, and the press secretary gave assurance there is absolutely no reason that will not continue as long as he steps very, very carefully.

 

 

The Real Bible Story

The confusing details of President Trump’s march to St Johns church are finally coming into a sharper  focus.  In an interview with press secretary  Kayleigh McEnany, she explained that the whole event was just the president’s idea for a campaign kick start.  With plenty of time for reflection during his seclusion in the White House bunker, he remembered how successful his 2016 escalator decent had been and thought  the cheering crowd accross the street in Lafayette Park offered a promising campaign opportunity. Son in law Jared agreed and he quickly proposed the idea of substituting the elevator with a presidential entrance invovling fireworks, horses, and a glorius appearance through a gradually lifting veil of heavenly clouds.

Ms. McEneny said there were still details to work out, but the Bible the president was holding is simply part of the campaign package.  This year, with the purchase of a MAGA hat and tee at www.makeamericagreatagain, the president is throwing in a Bible.  Everyone in attendance inside the bunker praised the president for his perceptive genius and assured him that true Americans were bound to be overwhelmed by such a patriotic AND spiritual gesture.

When Ms. McEneny was asked to give her opinion of just how effective the Bible affair had been, she reported that everyone she knew considered it to be a resounding success.  “I saw  people who litterally had tears in their eyes, and I heard several people say the whole event took their breath away and many were all choked up,” she said pointedly.

 

 

 

In Case You Missed It

Hey there!  Just in case you missed it, there have been some recent going’s on you might find enlightening, concerning, agitating, disturbing, or just pick your go-to adjective you find most useful whenever you hear about any manner of dumbfounding activity by the President of the United States.

Another law suit is moving forward. Defendants in this one involve everyone in the Trump clan.  FAMILY FUN

Two more inspectors general bite the dust- Number Four and Number Five

Trump Organization is petitioning Ireland and Scotland for bail out money Better Than Deutsche Bank

Hydroxychloroquin.  Is he or isn’t he?  Hmm.  On the one hand, he is a paranoic germaphobe.  Is the condition so bad a licensed medical practitioner would actually go ahead and prescribe it to pacify him?  On the other hand, extrapolating his fear of getting sick to include dying from heart failure, would he really take that chance?  I think he would rather have others take the risk and then lay back and see how it all turns out.  Unless increased libido or penis size is a listed side effect, I doubt if he is really taking it.

Prepping for his trip to a Ford plant in Michigan, Trump, for the umpteenth time over a four year period, claims at some point in the past he was designated as “Michigan Man of the Year.”  No such award was ever presented.  Why does this goof ball keeping doing shit like this?

Now we have the battle over wearing face masks on the front lines in our culture war.  WTF! Man Defends Right to Infect Others

Hey, fella.  I know not being able to display your average looking face is something that might be considered an infringement of your freedom, (for the record the women in my family judge your look to be a bit below average and believe a mask might improve things) and you apparently feel you are not among those the president considers expendable, but you are not thinking this through.  You strike me as a guy who really likes football.  Though I am guessing I am twice your age and you would consider me expendable, I like football too.  I mean, I really really like it.  And if we have a surge of this virus here and there before September, schools won’t be open.  And if schools won’t be open, guess what- NO FOOTBALL!  What is your hang up with face masks?  Trust me, no one will think you’re less of a man.  Lots of tough guys wear face masks- astronauts, Bat Man, and…FOOTBALL PLAYERS! One important thing we all can do to improve the long odds that schools will be able to open and you and I can then sit in front of our televisions and watch 10 straight hours of football is- WEAR A F*****G Mask your stupid SOB!

Trump’s impeachment trial centered around the idea of quid pro quo.  During the trial, Fiona Hill hypothetically argued that if the president withheld aid to a U.S. state for a political favor, the outrage would be monumental.  Trump, last week, threatened to withhold federal funding from Nevada and Michigan unless their governors reversed their decisions to implement voting by mail.  And Michigan is dealing with a catastophic flood. He threatened to move the GOP convention out of Charlotte if the North Carolina governor doesn’t allow full capacity in the  arena.  Where’s the outrage?  Sadly I think the answer might be we have become a nation of complacent bitches, numbed by kleptocracy and an overwhelming sense of powerlessness.

As this country’s covid-19 death toll approaches 100K,  it is becomeing alarmingly evident that lack of  presidential leadership is dangerous. So Long Expendables!   In normal circumsatnaces, life works out pretty well for you when you can afford to disregard knowlege, claim ignorance, and shirk responsibility.  But payback for that method of governance is hell in the face of a calamitous event.  Like, for instance, the pandemic we are facing right now. Guess who’s paying for it?

 

 

 

AG Barr Weighs in on Liberty Restrictions and Presidential Criticism

Impressed with the results Attorney General Barr achieved in dismissing charges against former national security advisor Michael Flynn, President Trump instructed him to see what he could do to assure the country that his plan of looking like he is doing something is just the ticket to move the country forward.  Grateful to be of service in any way, the AG eagerly sat down with Fox News and explained some nuances of the president’s pandemic policy of torpid minimalism. .

Mr. Barr mentioned that places like South Korea and Germany hardly put any effort into looking like they are doing something.  “Well, you know some countries have these low numbers of cases and deaths but look at us.  With all the big numbers in our country, it is clear the president is out there doing his absolute best to look like he’s doing something.”

The AG went on to say any criticism of the president should be redirected to President Obama, and reminded everyone that  President Trump is the current president and therefore has immunity from all things bad.  “As you know a former president does not have that protection and therefore it is only logical to conclude that President Obama got us into this mess.”

It was pointed out to the AG that when the president actually tried to do something it seemed to confuse the American public- like establishing defined guidlines and then immediatley encouraging people to ignore them.  Mr. Barr suggested that if you do the math, that is all in keeping with the presidents policy.  “You establish something positive, and then you take it away with something negative, that equals zero.  Same thing.  I will say I have mentioned to the president it would probably be best if he kept it simple and stay away from injecting details.  In this crisis, it’s important that we all help  this president stay focused on looking like he is doing something.”

In a related matter, since the AG had previously stated he would be keeping a watchful eye on any shifty restriction of constitutional freedoms,  he was asked how he felt about people flagrantly disregarding face masking and intimidating public servants with assault rifles and waving confederate flags.  “Not everyone who doesn’t wear a face mask is an inconsiderate asshole, and not everyone threatening you with a firearm or waving a confederate flag is a hyper-insecure racist douchbag.  Basic liberties are involved.  It’s my opinion that people should be free to die and introduce anyone around them to illness and death. After all, death is the ultimae freedom”.

In a closing statement, Mr. Barr said remindfully, “You can all sleep well tonight knowing your president is out there doing everythng he can to look like he is doing something.”

 

 

 

Why a Reality TV Host Shouldn’t be Running the Country

This is why. Move Over Hydroxychloroquine

Are you shitting me?  This is all our ER facilities need right now- treating the pulmonary aspiration of paients who inhaled Clorox or trying to figure out how to remove a string of Christmas lights from some stupid bastards asshole.  I know Trump defenders will say he wasn’t serious about this.  But he was.  Watch the video.  He actually thinks we should start investigating ways to implement these brilliant ideas of his for treating infectious disease.  What have you got to lose?  Possibly your lungs and a few twinkling icicle bulbs.  There are people out there that believe anything this man says. Chalk one corpse up to a misinformed individual who thought it was a good idea to treat his corona virus symptoms by ingesting a fish tank cleaner containing chloroquine.

This is dangerous.  This man is becoming a threat to public health.  And to compound the problem, the few experts Trump has are constrained knowing full well anything he interprets as criticism is bound to be met with retribution.  We are a country in crisis, being led by an incompetent ignoramus.

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The preceding I wrote last night.  What follows I began jotting down a few days ago.  Sort of reverse chronology.  The reason why is, who would have thought the president of the United States would say something so ridiculous. My bad.  Below is stuff you already know.  What I saw last night supprised me so much I wanted to lead off with it before I forgot about it.  That’s the world I live in.  I am afflicted with a compulsion to journal thoughts and events, and the political topics, with this administration, are so boundlessly available and confusing it is difficult to keep up with them. You think about something presently, and forget tomorrow there likley will be something just as bazaar. So what I am saying is, my point is basically made above.  If you are bored, read below.  I imagine you have time on your hands at the moment.   

OK.  We are all frustrated and anxious.  Being cooped up all day is taking a toll.  Well actually I’m not doing anything a whole lot different than what I have been doing the last 7 years.  I’m retired, and my perspective of the world pretty much pivots around the narrow space where my ass meets my recliner.   That doesn’t mean I’m not staying informed.  Did you know some lions and tigers at the Bronx Zoo got infected with covid 19 from a zoo employee? So many questions here. So zoo animals are getting tested but I can’t?  I just had my annual Medicare funded physical and I’ve had some unfamiliar aches I was concerned about but my doctor said tough shit I don’t qualify for any covid-19 testing.  Is that fair?

Then there’s all those stay-in-place protests going on at various municipalities.  People losing it because they’re losing their jobs, they are discovering haunting things abouth their spouse, they have permanent images burnt into their retinas from Netflix binge-watching. That all sucks, sure.  But geezuz man, cover those holes in your face.  And when you do, choose something that’s half way effective rather than that thing you retrieved from your rebellious teen ager’s stash of Halloween costumes.  And I know turn out was disappointing at a few locations, but keep in mind though you couldn’t actually see them, members of the coronavirus family were in attandance and cheering you on in significant numbers, like in the order of 10 to 20th power. I gotta ask though, is it really necessary to lug around an assualt rifle?  I appeciate the fact that you feel insecure at this moment, but you can spray fire all you want, you’re not going to bring down the coronavirus.  You know what works?  STAYING HOME!

Stay home, as much as possible.  Let’s not congregate in unecessary  gatherings.  The president said so.  It’s right there in his own guide-lines.  Oh shit.  I forgot.  I guess the president said there are three states out there where it’s ok to go flouncing about.  If you have a Democrat for a governor, go right ahead.  See.  It pays to have a Democrat in the state house.  Now who are you going to vote for?

God damn it.  Is this really real?  A president of the United States inciting civil disobedience? And to disobey his very own directive? Does that make sense?  Does that seem responsible, presidential, normal?  Is this guy off his rocker?

Try as he might, President Trump is having a hard time plastering the blame for his failings on others.  The scapegoats so far are the media, Democratic governors, Joe Biden, China, government watchdogs, the World Health Organization, and of course, Barack Obama.  As we know by now Trump sheds responsibility like a collie sheds hair.  For me it is the worst of his character flaws, but then as a supreme narcissist he has many.  His denials and deflections are infuriating, but his personal failings  in dealing with this pandemic are well documented Our Modern Day Nero

He should have seen this coming.  Typical of his vacilation and confusing statements, on the one hand he said “Who could have known this would be this bad,” and on the other is his claim that he knew all along a pandemic was headed our way. Which is it?  He says he is all powerful, declaring himself to be a wartime president, then informs state governors it’s on them to fix things.  One day he is supportive of the governor of Georgia’s decision to open up state businesses, but the next day reversing himself completely (a decision undoubtedly influenced by poll numbers that reveal 80% of the country supports sheltering in place).  What kind of schitzo are we dealing with here?  Where is my Excedrin Migraine?  Shit.  Target is out of it.  You can’t get it anywhere.

If he is, as he has always boasted, the only guy who can fix everything, he should have seen this coming. Putting  aside all the articles you can google about Trump’s ineptness, if he had paid any attention at all in any basic U.S. history course he should have been exposed to in his life, he should have seen this coming.  It is a NOVEL virus.  Maybe he thinks the word “novel” means he might have to read a book about it or something.  Ok.  Then go ask Jared.  He can explain it.  It was a series of viruses and bacteria that was novel to indiginous Americans that wiped out over 90 percent of their population.  What is keeping the covid 19 virus from taking a similar toll now is that we have an understanding, now, of viral transmision that Native Americans did not have.  This virus is new to the entire world. It will be awhile before we know how to frame its virulency.

Beating a dead horse, what we understand about this type of viral transmision is mitigating it with social separation is about all we have until a vaccine and treatment therapies are developed.   But we can gradually extend out social contact, when we have enough testing available.  But not until then.  It is around this issue that Trump is so infuriatingly out of touch, inconsistent, and dangerous by misinforming the American public.

We are in urgent need of diagnostic and antibody tests. Contrary to what the president keeps saying, every health expert I have heard says we need to be testing at a rate 5 times what we are doing now,  and we will  need to be testing more than that if we intend to lift social bariers.  By fall, we will need to test in the tens of millions.  Trump keeps saying health experts are overstating the need for testing. Sometimes he says the tests are out there.  To some extent that might be true.  But they are so scattered, have different diagnostic methods and require different equipment and adjunct components, and the stability and time it takes for results varies,  not to mention some are not very accurate. Lab capacity needs to increase. We need to be able to identify the effectiveness of newer procedures and promote those tests that are uniformly the best.  It is a capitalistic clusterfuck that requires  central, federal, supervision and coordination.  And this applies to PPE for medical staff as well.  When states end up competing with each other and the federal government, and driving up prices, it’s a clear indication market economics needs some intervention.

We need one guy in charge. A leader, and a leader who actually knows how to surround himself with the best people.  We really need that now, not the president’s son-in-law mucking things up with more confusion and very probably personal conflicts of interest. Re-wording the mission statement of HHS’s Strategic National Stockpile website just to suppress Jared’s feelings of incompetence is an exercise in incompetence itself.

Look at the countries that have had the most success in mitigating this pandemic- Germany, S. Korea, Vietnam, Singapore and Taiwan.  All have federal systems that assign the national government to a coordinating role.  They trust their government to relay the facts, and have a high degree of social trust.  They don’t rely on private companies to process the vast number of completed tests.  Instead, labs at public universities and hospitals have taken the lead. And they all ramped up test production and instituted agressive contact tracing.  S. Korea was so effective at mitigation they were able to isolate infected people without imposing sweaping lockdowns.  Germany developed the first Covid 19 diagnostic test, acing out even China, and now are conducting the first nationwide antibody testing.  Why aren’t we number one?  And it’s wartime.  There are all those German scientists out there just waiting to be snatched up. It’s just a hunch, but between you and me, that seems like something Trump might actually be quite good at.

To safely re-open the country, it will take strong governmental leadership with the courage to nationally mobilize.  We know now that is not in the works with Trump at the helm.  By taking the position he has- voicing supreme authority while actually passing real authority to state governors- he obviously wants to look like he’s taking charge without being held accountable.  Typical Trump.  As the days go by, he gets more evasive with questions from the media.  Twice now I have seen him answer a pointed question about how poorly he has handled the pandemic by saying “A lot of people love me.”  And that is how he imagines the moment, reflecting on days gone by when he was able to stir up a crowd with invective rhetoric.  But he is not performing in front of a political rally now.  His audience at present is a more diverse cross section of voters who are intersted in answers to questions rather than doling out fervent applause.  His view of the country through a prism of economic figures obscures his vision of public health.  It is all about ratings and poll numbers and crowd size. It’s about paying homage and showing gratitude to him for his limited accomplishments in this time of crisis, and he is singularly inept at dealing with it.  What is important to Trump is only that which promotes or protects him.  That’s his reality.  It should not be ours.

It’s not all bad.  Here are some fun facts about living in a pandemic world: A barrel of oil is now worth less than an off-brand roll of toilet paper; fewer mass gatherings means fewer mass shootings; and your kids are finally washing their hands.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nation Faces Critical Shortage of Common Sense

Ok.  It’s been a week and you’ve reached the point where you have to leave your bunker.  You’ve got no choice.  You’re out of scotch. So, will you head out the door determined to show the world you are the manly man you always wanted to be and boldly give covid 19 the finger by not wearing a face mask, or resign yourself once again to the fact you’re a big pussy who is constatnly assessing risk and strap one on. Wake up! This isn’t the time to be dwelling  on your own self awareness or protecting yourself. It’s about protecting others, which means me.  Don a face mask you stupid prick!

I know it’s confusing.  Even our healthcare experts intially said the public shouldn’t use one, and in fact would be barely useful, but that was early on when those people knew that if everyone went out and bought face masks it would further deplete our already inadequate supply that health professionals would be depending on.  Now that that is understood, most of the experts are saying essentially it’s a good idea to start wearing them. Of course knowing we can’t find any at retail outlets,  they are implying we need to conceive something of our own.

Here’s what I have come up with.  The simple solution is to grab anything available and make a bandana out of it.  Here’s a picture of me heading on over to the liquor  store.

If you google “homemade face mask” you will see there are many options people have come up with. This method is so simple even a dumb shit like you can figure it out. Simple Safety

Now if you have a nice sister-in-law who is handy with a sewing machine, she’s busy making her own version and if you’re fortunate will send a couple to your wife for her birthday.  Of course you have to have a spouse who is willing to share.  Believe it or not, all three of those tricky pieces of criteria -resoursceful sister-in-law,  cooperative wife, providential birthday- fell in place at this particular moment in the space time continuum for me. Naturally  that’s something you can not always count on. Here is a picture of the two of us about to step outside and do some yard work, appropriately adorned with gifted protective gear.  Thanks Cindy!

To underline the importance of this developement, the CDC has issued a public recommendation that we all wear face masks.  President Trump even anounced that fact during a recent press briefing.  As the president is inclined to do, he confused everyone by also anouncing he would not be complying.  It’s the kind of consistent inconsistency we have come to rely on from the president.

It should be obvious we have little at our disposal to combat this virus   We should enact a federal shut down of all non essential businesses, and initiate mandatory face mask usage and shelter in place policing.  A national program- every state- now, at the same time. However we have a  president who despite saying so still has little understanding of a novel virus.  We are sailing on a ruderless ship.  It’s up to each of us to be personally responsible.  Right now, we should all be wearing face masks.  Think about it this way, with an analogy the president himself can easily relate to   A face mask is like a condom for your head.  You don’t know where I’ve been and I sure as hell don’t know where you’ve been. You probably don’t even know where you’ve been. Don’t be such a self centered twat.  Wear a face mask!

Trump Confident He Has What It Takes to Perform Brain Surgery

Adding to a long list of his incredible areas of expertise, Preisdent Trump indicated he is certain he has all the knowlege necessary to perfomr brain surgery.  The surprisng information emerged during a conversation he was having with a despirate man who can’t afford an expensive surgical procedure.  The president  assured the man that because he once had a third cousin who was a brilliant veterinarian he could step up and remove his aggressive rhabdoid tumor and would be willing to do it free of charge after the gentelman voted for him in November.

This revelation came on the heels of the discloser that President Trump had an uncle who was an electrical engineer at MIT and somehow taught him all there is to know about microbiology. Microbiology Summa Cum Laude    When asked if she could clarify how critical  intuition through family association works, spokeswoman Kellyanne Conway explained that it is all just part of the president’s stable genius.  “The president just automatically knows it makes perfect sense to fire the entire Pandemic Response team and gut the EPA of all those unnecessary scientists when he knows so much about everythng.  Some of it’s hereditry and some of it is just natural ability.  The president is capable of doing anything he wants to,” Ms. Conway stated.  Something we are regretably becoming to understand.

 

Congressional Republicans All On Board with Fresh Ideology

Citing recent polling numbers and referencing their stunning ability to coalesce into a unified body of pusillanimous sycophants, congressional Republicans have decided to abandon past democratic  concepts like patriotism, honor, freedom and justice and move forward with what they consider to be the more progressively simple and pragmatic ideology of corruption.  When Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) was asked if he was concerned about labeling his entire political party with such a customarily  defamatory term, he responded by pointing out corruption is just what Republican polling numbers seem to indicate the country wants.  “Our president, if nothing else, is consistently corrupt.  You have to admire that, and we have taken notice how well he is received publicly.  We have decided it just makes sense to accept the will of the people and tell it like it is.  Our party appreciates all President Trump has done for the country, and if he dabbles here and there in corruption, well that’s certainly ok with us if it gets the job done.”

Senator Ron Johnson (R-WI) took exception to Senator Graham’s statement.  “I’m not sure “dabbling” in corruption is how I would describe it.  I mean the country hasn’t seen this kind of corruption since Harding and the Teapot Dome scandal.  Just look at all the cabinet members that have had to resign for improper conduct. You’ve got, Flynn, Price , Pruitt, Zenke, Shulkin, Acosta, I mean what more do you want.   Let’s face it.  The president, when it comes to corruption,  really knows how to pick the best.”

But Congressman Kevin McCarthy  (R-CA) was not sure that was fair to the president.  “Sure all those people resigned, but that doesn’t take into account all the graft going on in the cabinet right now.  There’s Wilber Ross who’s involved hand over fist with insider trading, and Mnuchin and Betsy DeVos are smothered in conflict of interest violations.  And how about Ben Carson?  Not only did he stiff the government for fancy office furniture, he managed to stuff his family’s pockets with department access. And I have to put in a good word for Mitch McConnell. Taking advantage of his wife’s cabinet position to bring federal bacon to his home state was a stroke of financial and political genius that just takes your breath away.  So, I think it’s important to see the whole picture.  Just sayin'”.

When Representative Matt Gaetz (R-FL) was asked if he had any qualms about the new direction of his party, he had this to say. ” Look, the people of this country aren’t stupid.  They know corruption when they see it.  It’s obvious that’s what they want, and by god the Republican party is perfectly positioned to give it to them.  But you should remember.  Corruption is not so much what you do for others.  It’s what you do for yourself. I mean you should be able to take a dip in the swamp too, right?   Look at what the president did just last month.  He doubled the rates at his Doral resort ahead of his visit to address the RNC. He’s always doing stuff like that- billeting military personnel at his resort, bilking the government with inflated charges for secret service protection at his hotels, using his office to get free publicity for his properties.   I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone more capable of spotting avaricious opportunity. It’s amazing.  Not only are his hotel room rates overpriced,  but it’s where all those foreigners like to stay just to make him happy, so he’s got to be overjoyed making all that dough and screwing foreigners at the same time.  The guy truly is a “stable genius” when it comes to corruption. America can count on this president, and trust me when I say Republicans in Congress are listening to your concerns about corruption. With the experience and help of our great president, you can rest assured we are doing everything possible to make sure we learn how to do it right.”

Senator John Barrasso (R-WY) said he has always been impressed with the resourfulness of Trump family members.   “I think it’s important people realize just how well the president takes care of his family.  How grateful they must be to have a father with such extensive experience with corruption.   Jared and Ivanka wasted little time taking advantage of the Oportunity Zone program and you sure don’t notice any tarriffs on anything Ivanka makes.  There are so many examples of nepotistic favoritism it’s really easy to forget all that this family has accomplished.  Right out of the gate there was the nepotism thing that saved his son in law from bankruptcy. Qatar buys Jared’s billion dollar Manhattan money-pit and the president tells the Arab states involved in a Qatar blockade to back off.  You gotta believe the president’s favorite movie is “The Godfather'” right?  Speaking of that, did the job search for a compliant AG pay off or what?  With Barr in the bag, you’ve got a commander- in-chief with the infallibility power of the pope.”

Senator Joni Ernst (R-IA) stressed the importance of party unity and she said she was looking forward to the next nine months. “Now that we are all on the same page with this corruption incentive, I think it’s safe to say we are poised to significantly change the course of the country.  Sure we have work to do.  There are still people out there that don’t believe it’s ok to direct a lawyer to pay $280,000 in hush money to cover up extramarital affairs, or influence the investigation of a presidential campaign, or invite foreign government interference in our elections, or ridicule a physically disabled person, to harass the chairman of the Federal Reserve or denigrate a war hero and Gold Star family, divert money from a charity fouindaion for personal use, and undermine basic democratic institutions like our jury systemn and inteligence departments.  I know some people just can’t let go of the idea the president is always lying, like when he reneged on campaign promises to release his tax returns and get Mexico to pay for a border wall, but that’s what regular people love about the guy.  Everyone knows lying and ignoring the truth are how he gets things done.  It can be crucial when you want to do something like make the planet we live on less livable. In time, all those people who consider his racist, mysogynitic, homophobic and religiously hypocritical comments and policies abhorrent will realize it’s just his way of getting the country on the right track. President Trump is the perfect man for our times.”

Senator Rick Scott (R-FL) said he has always been impressed by the president’s ability to distract attention from one egregious action with another. “He keeps America ahead of the curve with all the flummoxing.  It took people a little bit of time to accept all the corruption, but after awhile it just became normal. That is no small feat.  I mean even the members of congress were a little sceptical at first.  We didn’t think anything like the corruption dreamworld the president has pulled off was remotley possible.  Of course we are certainly grateful.  But think of all the possibilities now with an attorney general ready to sign off on any whim the president conjures up.  Who doesn’t want to get in on that!  You sure don’t want to tick him off now.  The country wants a leader who can create real change.  Our archaic laws and institutions are outdated.  Some of them are over 200 years old for Pete’s sake, and they just aren’t working out for our president.  How can you expect him to make America great again if he can’t do anything he wants!  The  Republican party has the right idea embracing corruption and can see the advantages of encouraging the president to keep moving forward with his unique vision of democracy. It’s improtant to  make sure our leader is equipped with the necessary tools to complete his utopia. The people now understand that when you are president of the United States,  you just can’t have people criticizing what you do. We won’t get anywhere doing that.   He knows what’s fair and who to lock up.  The way the president pulled off the acquittal over the Ukraine scandal was impressive you have to admit.  Lot’s of big time players involved in that loop, right?  You got a VP, a secretary of state, an attorney general, a secretary of energy. It just doesn’t get any better than that.  Move over Harding!  You might not get all of us to agree the president made a perfect phone call but I know we all agree it’s pretty close to perfect when you all stick together in the name of corruption.”

 

 

 

Trump Confident His Christian Values Will Inspire Others

Fresh off the roaring success of his address to the attendees of the March for Life protest at the National Mall last month, it has emerged President Trump is exploring the possibility of expanding his outreach to any religiously affiliated group interested in receiving the enlightenment of his rich, moral conviction.  Presidential aides have recently contacted a number of Catholic organizations and evangelical leaders to gauge their interest in hearing the president speak about any of his deeply held spiritual beliefs.  Presidential aides are promoting a varied menu of topics to consider, like “The Sanctity of Marriage,” and “Do Unto Others- The Importance of Mutual Respect and Humility in Our Daily Lives.”

Spokesperson Kellyanne Conway mentioned a joint family venture is in the works.  “America is naturally interested in knowing more about the president’s well documented concern for the underprivileged  and the impact this admirable attribute has had on his children,” Ms. Conway stated.  She went on to mention Ivanka and Donald Jr. had just recently conferenced with a council of U.S. Catholic bishops and were very pleased with the enthusiastic response they received for a project they call “Giving Back: Tips on Conducting a Charitable Foundation.”

“Religious communities across the county have embraced President Trump because they all know what a righteous and caring person he is,” Ms. Conway explained. “His profound faith guides his every action and his grace is on display every day.  If people want an example of how to live a rewarding Christian life, look no further than the god-fearing man occupying the White House”.

Let’s Make a Deal