Ok.  A lot of you out there have been wondering where in the hell is that book I told you I wrote.  No shit.  A lot of people have actually been wondering about that.   What do I mean by a “lot'” you ask?  By a “lot” I mean more than two.  Six might be a little high, so it’s somewhere between three and five.  If I’m doing the math right, that’s an average of four, and that seems about right.  One of the people that keeps bugging me about my book is my neighbor Claire.  I always thought that was a girl’s name, but this is a guy.  That was really bothering me for awhile, so I looked it up and I was right.  It is a girl’s name.  Way back when it occasionally was a man’s name, but it was spelled Clair- no “e” on the end.  The Latin derivative is “clarus”  meaning bright, or clear.  Looks like my neighbor’s folks should have studied up on the name a little bit if you ask me.  Nothing too bright or clear about their thinking when they named their son Claire.  Why do parents do that kind of shit anyway?

Jupiter is another one of the overly resolute.  Kind of looks like there is some sort of pattern going on here, doesn’t it.  Jupiter is an old high school classmate who can’t blame his parents for his name because Jupiter thought that up himself.   His real name is Mike Jones, but  he started insisting we call him Jupiter in high school.  The reason for that is he was a pretty good athlete and he thought the name Jupiter Jones would stand out and provide an edge for him when he competed for athletic scholarships and professional roster spots.   As it turned out, Jupiter was only able to stand out in a variety of police line-ups as his dream of becoming a professional athlete quickly faded and the reality of funding his expensive substance abuse habit set in.  During an extremely awkward conversation with Jupiter at our 50th high school reunion last year, I mentioned my book and he seemed inordinately interested in it.  When I told him it was not quite ready for publication, he was sure I was lying about the whole thing and he became abusively incredulous.   As sometimes happens with many who unfortunately travel down the path of drug habituation, I suspect portions of the inside of his head must have short circuited, because I keep getting emails from him explaining how he is going to burn my house down if he doesn’t see my book on Amazon.

Jupiter Jones 1965- Working Out                               Jupiter Jones 2015- Flipping Out                           in High School Weight Room                                      at High School Reunion Dinner

I am pretty sure a couple of other people have expressed interest in my book, I just can’t remember for sure who they are.  Probably a couple of my relatives.  Anyway, you will now finally find my book on Amazon, Google, and Barnes and Noble if you are interested.  Or if you are like me and are apprehensive about exposing your personal information by using internet ordering, I suppose you can go to your favorite book store and order it.  But then you run the risk of exposing yourself to a nervous breakdown dealing with all the anxious anticipation of its delayed arrival.  But trust me it will be worth it.

This book started out as an autobiography, but I got tired of confronting the fact that I have accomplished very little in my life, so I mixed in a dash of proselytizing and a pound of self-help to spice it up.  Also,  I might have spiced it up by mentioning your name.  Maybe you’re not sure what I mean by “spice it up.”  For that reason you might be smart to check it out.

One caveat about my book.  I wrote it three years ago.   One of the things I could not restrain myself from doing while writing was interjecting an opinion or three.   I’m almost 70 years old, and pretty well set in my ways, and I thought these opinions I had at the time would forever be valid.  One lesson I learned from writing my book is that a lot of shit can change in three years.  Another lesson learned is it’s pretty difficult to retract an opinion when that opinion is published in print.  Overall I have to say I would still stand by almost everything I profess to believe in my book, but there is one glaring statement I made that I have to admit is a bit embarrassing.  Buy my book and see if you can figure out what that one mistake might be.

The title of my book is “Fishing with Bobby and Mike.”  So you have no one to blame but yourself for wasting your money should you ultimately decide to buy my book, I think you can take a peak at a sample for free on a couple of the above mentioned web sites.  Knock yourself out.

*I hope this is Exceptionally Exciting News for you Jupiter.  I would appreciate it if you would now stop with the threatening e-mails.  Please don’t be upset if you don’t find your name mentioned in my book.  There are  many others who will likewise be disappointed, and a few who will wish they were.