Ok.  It’s been a week and you’ve reached the point where you have to leave your bunker.  You’ve got no choice.  You’re out of scotch. So, will you head out the door determined to show the world you are the manly man you always wanted to be and boldly give covid 19 the finger by not wearing a face mask, or resign yourself once again to the fact you’re a big pussy who is constatnly assessing risk and strap one on. Wake up! This isn’t the time to be dwelling  on your own self awareness or protecting yourself. It’s about protecting others, which means me.  Don a face mask you stupid prick!

I know it’s confusing.  Even our healthcare experts intially said the public shouldn’t use one, and in fact would be barely useful, but that was early on when those people knew that if everyone went out and bought face masks it would further deplete our already inadequate supply that health professionals would be depending on.  Now that that is understood, most of the experts are saying essentially it’s a good idea to start wearing them. Of course knowing we can’t find any at retail outlets,  they are implying we need to conceive something of our own.

Here’s what I have come up with.  The simple solution is to grab anything available and make a bandana out of it.  Here’s a picture of me heading on over to the liquor  store.

If you google “homemade face mask” you will see there are many options people have come up with. This method is so simple even a dumb shit like you can figure it out. Simple Safety

Now if you have a nice sister-in-law who is handy with a sewing machine, she’s busy making her own version and if you’re fortunate will send a couple to your wife for her birthday.  Of course you have to have a spouse who is willing to share.  Believe it or not, all three of those tricky pieces of criteria -resoursceful sister-in-law,  cooperative wife, providential birthday- fell in place at this particular moment in the space time continuum for me. Naturally  that’s something you can not always count on. Here is a picture of the two of us about to step outside and do some yard work, appropriately adorned with gifted protective gear.  Thanks Cindy!

To underline the importance of this developement, the CDC has issued a public recommendation that we all wear face masks.  President Trump even anounced that fact during a recent press briefing.  As the president is inclined to do, he confused everyone by also anouncing he would not be complying.  It’s the kind of consistent inconsistency we have come to rely on from the president.

It should be obvious we have little at our disposal to combat this virus   We should enact a federal shut down of all non essential businesses, and initiate mandatory face mask usage and shelter in place policing.  A national program- every state- now, at the same time. However we have a  president who despite saying so still has little understanding of a novel virus.  We are sailing on a ruderless ship.  It’s up to each of us to be personally responsible.  Right now, we should all be wearing face masks.  Think about it this way, with an analogy the president himself can easily relate to   A face mask is like a condom for your head.  You don’t know where I’ve been and I sure as hell don’t know where you’ve been. You probably don’t even know where you’ve been. Don’t be such a self centered twat.  Wear a face mask!