Gadzooks do I feel like a piece of shit.  You should too.  You watched a movie last night didn’t you?  God I hope you didn’t stream one of those stupid vampire films.  What is wrong with you?  Let’s face it  we all need to take a hard look at ourselves.  I know you.  Every time you score a  $10.00 birthday gift from your grandmother you dash off to check out the specials at the Quick Trip beer cooler.  Get a grip for Pete’s sake and make a credit card payment.  No wonder all the wealthy donors are getting all  those juicy tax cuts. They know where to put their money and it’s high time someone in congress stepped up and showed us where we went wrong.  Someone like oh, say, Iowa senator Chuck Grassley. Working Class Needs to Wise Up.  

I’ve been trying to figure out how I can improve my self worth and esteem and have zeroed in on a couple of things.  I am definitely canceling my Netflix account.  That’s a no-brainer.  And frankly it’s not that big of a sacrifice.  I pretty much just watch sports programs on TV anyway.  I only made it through a couple seasons of VEEP though, and will miss that.  But right there I am saving about seven bucks a month.  Not a bad start if I do say so myself.

I love my wife, but it looks like birthday and anniversary and Christmas gifts are a thing of the past.  And Valentines day.  I always thought that was a stupid holiday anyway.  Who thought that one up?  Hallmark I bet.  My wife always wants to do the right thing, so I know she’ll understand.  Wow this one could really ad up.  Ka-ching!  Money in the bank baby!  It’s no secret if I have a fault it’s that I’m way over generous.  One year I gave my wife a deluxe hedge trimmer for our anniversary and threw in one of those gigantic boxes of Whitman’s Samplers. Those are good because they have that  helpful diagram on the inside of the lid.  It’s particularly useful if you like to avoid those shitty cream-filled ones like I do.  Boy am I glad ol’ Grassley didn’t put the kibosh on my wife spending money on me.  That would really suck.

Now where I think the senator went a little off the rails is that thing about booze.  It’s how I get through the day.  But I don’t want Chucky G to be disappointed in my effort, so I guess I can cut back on my single malts.  There are some blends out there that won’t perforate  your stomach.  But I figure it can’t hurt my bottom line if I’m pleasantly surprised with a gift, so from now on all I want for Christmas is something nice from the Lowland region- Glenkinche or Auchentosan are favorites, but an offering from Speyside like Glenfiddich or Maccallan will more than do.

You’ve probably heard by now most of the trickle in the new tax plan will be going up, not down, so if you are really serious about improving yourself, consider renting out a bedroom in your house.  The way I understand it, the hands-down winners in the new tax bill will be rental real estate owners, like, ah, Donald Trump.  Godamit!  Do you suppose the president is trying to pull some sort of shenanigan here?

Hold on there buckaroo.  Don’t be so quick to judge.  This is where Chuck and his boys  really stepped it up.  As the “Grassman” has stated, it’s really important to note there are investors out there that can show us how it’s done.  What better way to provide an example of investment opportunity than to  cut the estate tax.  That’s a half billion that will eventually land in Ivanka and the bros laps. And Chuck’s clan felt it was just the thing to reward the president himself with a more immediate pile of investment cash by way of a nice tax deduction for every golf course he owns.  That’s how jobs are created my friend. With this windfall on the horizon  the Trump family will  be doubling  their payrolls in China quicker than you can say sweatshop.

At least old man Grassley didn’t say anything about donuts.  I love donuts.  I guess that’s a treat we can yet indulge in.   And after all, that’s kind of how the new tax plan breaks down.  You have your donor class, and you have us, the donut class.   There is nothing much new in what congress is proposing.  Esteemed  NY congressman Chris Collins flat out admitted there is no way he could face his donors without making sure they have a merry Christmas.   It’s a plan that ends up supplying us with just what the Republicans know we need- more income inequality.

  Everybody Likes Donuts

Now I know some of you out there might be getting discouraged.  It is truly a helpless feeling to realize that for every governmental violation of our donut holes there is a corresponding shrinkage of our dough.  But we must stay the course.  Remember, this is what it’s all about. It’s our duty.   So bend over and Make America Great Again!