That mysterious illness that has afflicted President Trump has finally been explained.  As reported earlier last week, the president has had to cancel or cut short a number of meetings, group photo sessions and conference calls, not to mention interrupt important television viewing due to an undisclosed ailment.   White House staffers have remained tight-lipped about the situation, but this morning reporters were able to contact the president’s personal physician, Dr. Harold Bornstein.

Dr. Bornstein said that the condition was initially presumed to be a form of stomach  poisoning brought on by some bad burritos the president got ahold of in Buenos Aires during the G20 summit.  But after medical observation of the president for a few days, it has been determined he has a peculiar form of irritable bowl syndrome.  It seems that it is all related to the unconventional use of his gut.  Apparently the president was born with an intestinal tract that is capable of performing many of the decision-making tasks ordinarily delegated to the human brain.  Trump’s Insightful Gut.  “Imagine tossing down six pieces of KFC,  three helpings of mashed potatoes and gravy, a huge, beautiful piece of chocolate cake and a couple of diet Cokes and then asking  the organs responsible for digesting all of that to deliberate the pros and cons of a U.S. ground invasion of Iran.  You have to figure over time the entire alimentary canal is bound to get pretty over-taxed.  It all just finally caught up with hm,” Dr. Bornstein pointed out.

One of the main triggers of the president’s condition is what Dr. Bornstein labeled “Muelleritis.”  As the doctor explained the syndrome, the mere mention of the special prosecutor’s name now precipitates an unpleasant urgency to surge  through President Trump’s bowels and he must  drop everything he is doing in order to attend to his distress.

Though things seem a bit dire for the president at the moment, Dr. Bornstein is optimistic of a positive outcome.  A dedicated team of medical professionals, which includes an internist, a gastroenterologist, and two psychiatric specialists, is working around the clock to  develop a personal exercise regimen for the president  that will help him train his gut to shift cognitive tasks it is presented with upward to his brain, where they are more traditionally dealt with.  Dr. Bornstein said the ticket to a complete recovery is making sure the president adheres to medical advisory updates, cuts his twelve hour work week in half, gets plenty of bed rest and follows a strict diet of Fox News,

The Entire “Cognition Reformatting Cadre” Will Confer With the President Twice Weekly to Monitor his  Progress

i

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.  For sure I’m angry.  This Whitaker appointment is mind-numbingly outrageous.  Is Trump blatantly daring anyone to suggest conflict of interest?  He is practically guiding us through a maze of his obstruction of justice practices that has as its terminal reward an area marked “Conviction.”  Trump replacing Jeff Sessions with Matthew Whitaker as AG is like you replacing a district court judge with your favorite drunk uncle to hear your DUI case.

First of all what are his qualifications?  He’s a crook.  Wantonly Whitaker  That has a certain appeal to Trump I realize, but scamming people,  threatening them and otherwise involving yourself in a company that gets hammered with a multi million dollar FTC fine is something you normally would not want appearing on your resume.  If Whitaker ever managed to go before the senate for confirmation, even the most entrenched Trump sycophant would have trouble agreeing with his unconventional positions on Supreme Court decisions and the Court itself.  

AG Matthew Whitaker (above) seen here dreaming of conferencing with Bernie Madoff and Iowa congressman Steve King for their input on finance, immigration, and the best way to remove stubborn bathroom tile stains 

Second, can Trump even legally appoint his own unconfirmed AG?  NO!  The constitution has a provision for proper succession of senate confirmed members of the Justice Department.   Regardless of constitutional updating, the Sessions firing creates no emergency, and even if that applied, the appropriate person is in place to succeed him- Rod Rosenstein.

Thirdly, appointing Matthew Whitaker as AG stinks to high heaven of obstruction and conflict of interest.  Whitaker has made it abundantly clear he would do everything possible to obstruct or derail the Mueller investigation.

This is the kind of shit that goes on in Central American banana republics- suppression of free speech and the press and autocratic control of the judicial system.  Trump will always expect total fealty from his appointees, and his constant badgering and humiliation of Jeff Sessions would seem to indicate he absolutely demands it of his Attorney General.  Loyalty to Trump rather than judicial integrity is what matters. In Matthew Whitaker he has found just the stooge he’s been looking for.

There is at least one good thing that will come of the Trump presidency.  He has unwittingly exposed a few flaws in our form of government that obviously need to be addressed.  There should be no question that other than in an extreme emergency the president does not have any power to randomly appoint an AG without senate confirmation.  That there is even the slightest debate about whether or not  Trump has the power to alter the 14th constitutional amendment of his own volition is ridiculous.  If that is the case, I suggest we elect a gun control advocate as our next president and insist he take it upon himself to add a clause or two to the second amendment and end its ambiguity once and for all.   Imagine how that would fly.  Our system has constitutional safeguards that are supposed to prevent those types of autocratic hubris from happening- chiefly the checks and balances of the legislative branch.  They have been abdicated for far too long.   Let’s hope a Democrat controlled House of Representatives restores strength to that proposition.

BREAKING NEWS!  How can you keep up with this guy?  Now Trump is denying he even knows the person he illegally hand-picked to replace Sessions.  As the investigative noose around him tightens, you have to wonder if Trump will deny knowing Don Jr.

Walls.  The perfect metaphor to characterize political discourse and American society in general.  Do we need one along our southern border?  I don’t think so.  Most Democrats and I am pretty sure any fiscally responsible Republican would agree.  We all want border control and immigration reform.  The fear mongering fomented by the White House is appalling.  If we had executive and congressional leadership that is willing to compromise we could constructively solve the border problem.  But we don’t have that.  The Republicans are controlled by Trump and his Scaredy-Cat wing of that party, and for years the Democrats have sat around with their heads up their asses and have consistently failed to hammer out a feasible plan.

You know where we will be needing a wall?  Along our entire coastline if we don’t start taking climate change seriously.  Maybe we should start saving up for that.  Better yet, when you vote please consider your selected candidate’s position on the environment.  Honest to god we have to stop ignoring the detrimental impacts we are inflicting on our planet . Candidates stuffing their pockets with fossil fuel money will not be protecting your best interests, or that of our upcoming generations.

And generationally speaking, please, all you young people who are eligible to vote- get off your ass and do it!  Voting has been a hard fought right in this country, and pathetically that fight is still ongoing.  Voting is pivotal to our entire way of governing.  The more people who vote, the more democratic the whole process is.  You know why you feel like you keep getting screwed by the system?  Because you are getting OUT VOTED!  Guess who looks out for themselves by getting to the polls in huge numbers.  Old people.  And stinking  rich people.  Hey, don’t look at me.  I’m old but I ain’t rich.  I’ve been trying real hard to be a carefully selective voter- I am a proud, registered Independent.

This is the United States of America, the country that shines the light on democracy.  What has made us great is our innovation, our open mindedness,  our freedoms, reasonable restraining rules of law, our work ethic and our religious and cultural diversity that emphasizes and accepts individuality.  E Pluribus Unum. We have shown the world how this “grand experiment” works, and we are constantly tinkering with it.   That usually makes it better. but at times there is an explosion in the laboratory, and we need to clean up the mess.  This is one of those times.

The Formative Political Period of D Trump

Pipe bombs and Synagogue shootings.  Our democracy looks like it’s coming apart at the seams.  We can’t stand each other.  Red team vs Blue team.  No more civil debate about policy. Fist fights and mobs shedding light on our problems with inflammatory rhetoric and tiki torches. Putin’s got to be loving this.

How did we sink to such depths?  Say what you will about both sides stoking the flames,  I am sorry but the plummet started with Donald Trump.  And he simply refuses to put out the fire. There won’t be any phone calls of concern to either of the two past presidents of our country that received pipe bombs in the mail.  He deliberately entices his supporters at political rallies with fomenting remarks that work up the crowd to the point that it could be easily mistaken for one observing a professional wrestling match.  Political opponents and any institution he feels are critical of him are meted out insulting, incendiary verbal body slams  (most affectively applied in Montana).

Trump!  Words matter.  Addressing these latest assaults on the psyche of this county with prompted generalities of rebuke are not enough.  There are mixed up nut-jobs out there who will take you seriously.  Stop the insults, fear mongering, and for Pete’s sake stop all the LYING.  You complain about unfair treatment by the media, that it is completely unbalanced with negative reporting.  Can you not figure out that the reason for that is you are constantly doing so many stupid things and insulting us with blatant lies.  I kind of want to know if you are using an unsecured cell phone.  The public should know that when you promise a middle class tax cut before the mid-terms you are pulling the whole idea out of your ass in order to garnish votes.  Congress is not even in session.  The media is not the “enemy of the people.”  And I know you are desperate for those votes but how can you say with a straight face that Republicans will save pre-existing conditions when you and the entire party have made destroying the ACA your defining mission statement.

There are no ISIS terrorists hiding amidst the throng of Central Americans slowly trodding their way to our border. Democrats are not “evil.” Democrats aren’t providing Central American gang members with Rolls Royces.  What the fuck is wrong with you? Even though many of both parties feel a wall is over the top, Democrats, Independents, Republicans, we all want immigration reform and a secure border.  There is no rioting in sanctuary cities.  No Democrat senator voted against the new opioid epidemic bill.  Virtually every Democrat and Republican voted FOR it.  It was an almost historic bipartisan outcome of our times.  It was in all the papers.  CNN gave you warm kudos for your accomplishment.  What in the hell do you do all day.? You are supposed to know these things.  Bewilderingly, you turned a media positive for something you did into a media negative all by yourself!-  by LYING about it!  Once again you look like an idiot to anyone who is remotely informed and I for one want that made clear in news reporting.  Do the media and yourself a favor and start telling the truth for a change.

The president of this country is supposed to be a leader for all, not some. In a moment of crisis your pattern is to make a prompted speech that momentarily sounds universally presidential, but at your next rally, off you go again with ridiculous statements and lies.  For god sake control yourself.  I know the emotional rush you get from the rousing applause gives you a boner, but we need you to show some restraint.  There are sick people out there.  You need to more carefully examine those standing behind you at your rallies.  Those people and our country in general would be better served if you told the truth.  It is frightening enough to have mentally imbalanced people just waiting for some famous or authoritative person validate whatever craziness is bouncing around in their mind, but when that person is the president of the United States there is a strong likelihood of a tragic consequence.  Stop stooping to the lowest common denominator to boost your ratings.  Stoking paranoia and fear with deception is not the nature of any kind of responsible leader.

Let’s revisit the Kavanaugh shit storm.  The way I see it, if nothing else, one positive outcome will be an improvement in the whole Supreme Court nomination process.  Let me ask you a question.  Would you ever want to have the entirety of your existence  examined by all the eyes in the universe?    Have you any skeletons in your closet?  I would like to go on record right now and make it perfectly clear that if anyone is thinking about nominating me for a position on the Supreme Court, I respectfully decline.  But thank you for holding me in such high regard.  I did some shit in college I am not particularly proud of.  I confess that had a lot to do with drinking beer.

LEFT:  Though I once felt I took clever measures to conceal my weakness, I realize now my past history of habitual gambling would derail any aspirations for high office.

But god damn it do not lump me in with that Kavanaugh character.  This is hypothetical of course since I have already mentioned I will not, under any circumstances, accept your nomination, but there is no woman on this earth who could come forward and accuse me of assault. The most you would get from any woman so brought forth would be considerable snickering and a smattering of hysterical laughter.  The humiliation would be unbearable for me and to recover would take years of therapy.

Few would deny the Kavanaugh hearings diminished  both the candidate and the institution itself.  The lesson I would hope that is learned would be- if you think you deserve to be a Supreme Court Justice, your closet had better be free of any kind of embarrassing remains, and it would not hurt to make an effort to give it a good dusting.  The acrimonious partisanship was blatantly evident during the inquiries with this nominee.  A lot of that had to do with political frustrations of the past  and the abysmal climate of uncompromising polarization that has gripped our system of governance.  You can blame much of that on leadership at the top. Regardless, this was unprecedented vitriol.  Future nominees hopefully have paid attention.  Brett Kavanaugh endured what many believe was unjust scrutiny.  I say it is now abundantly  clear what we expect from Jurists of our highest court.

Brett Kavanaugh, as intelligent as he must be, should have seen this coming.  As far as I am  concerned, if he feels mistreated he has no one to blame but himself.  We should expect our Supreme Court Justices to be unquestionably honorable. Senate  Judiciary hearings are not a trial.  It is a job interview.  These guys work for us.  If you have any reservations about something in your past that might be resurrected, you should think twice before you put yourself through the process.  If you feel confident you can defend any past discretion, take a swing, but you should be able to do so in a composed manner, and definitely not lie about anything you are questioned about.

Brett Kavanaugh lied under oath to the committee.  That in itself should be disqualifying.   Truth is pretty much the foundation of the institution.  Brett Kavanaugh emotionally came apart at the seams, intermittently weeping and launching into tirades and alarming displays of political bias.   Had the candidate being questioned been a woman and reacted as Brett Kavanaugh did,  I suspect a good number on the Judicial committee  would have immediately dismissed her as  an hysterical female unfit to serve.  Now even Kavanaugh’s fellow Supreme Court Justices are questioning his character and fitness for office.  Judge Roberts Requests Kavanaugh Investigation,  That’s a first, and not the kind of distinction you would normally want attached to your name.

This is where we have landed.  In the future it would behoove candidates to carefully examine their past before they submit to the committee hearing process, and it would be in their  best interest to involve an impartial party for verification.  There are those who feel the treatment Judge Kavanaugh received was so deplorable it will be a wonder if anyone with integrity will want to be submitted for consideration.  To me this is exactly the point.  I am confident there are and will be several jurists with the standing required, and now maybe only those confident in their character as well as their ability will accept nomination.  Let’s see.  Let me submit Judge Merrick Garland for consideration.

A quick side note.  It seems ridiculous to even mention, but all of this applies to any current or future presidents as well.  Donald Trump you could safely say is nowhere near as intelligent as Brett Kavanaugh.  But It seems incomprehensible to me that he would not realize the many cess pools of his life would be exposed for all to smell if he ran for president.  His pal, media personality Howard Stern, even told him as much.  When the shit hits the fan, the person to blame for whomever it splatters is Donald Trump.

AUTHOR’S FINAL SUBJECT COMMENT:  This is the last of my three part Kavanaugh series.  If you’re like me you just can’t get enough material to support your day to day feelings of revulsion.  Sometimes alcohol is just not enough to do the trick.  And actually you’re lucky there are only three parts.  This clusterfuck of an administration offers so much more to be amazed about.  So in case you missed the other two parts of what I feel Brett Kavanaugh has wrought, here they are for simple access:  Part 1 Just One Thing I Learned from the Kavanaugh Confirmation Hearings          Part 2  Where Did This Guy Go to School?  

Trump Says Protesting Should Be Illegal   Hey Trump! How long have you been living in this country?  I know you’ve never been one to read a book, but during all your years of schooling I would think if you just made it to class every once in awhile you would have a basic understanding of the constitution’s first amendment.  Protesting and petitioning for change is engrained  in our country’s  DNA.  It’s a tool the people use to let you know what a shitty job you’re doing. You might say it is one of democracy’s inferred forms of checks and balances, used most often when a sycophantic congress  lacks the gumption to use its own prescribed  power to check the executive branch.   Where were you in the 60’s and 70’s anyway?  Without civil rights protests you wouldn’t keep getting slapped with those annoying housing discrimination suits. Remember? And maybe the Vietnam war would have gone on a couple more years and your medical deferment might have expired.  Yikes!  Here is a little something a fellow by the name of Thomas Jefferson wrote a long time ago.  I know you’ve never read much about him, but he authored the Declaration of Independence  and was instrumental in fine tuning the constitution of the United States.  That’s the place where you live. Please!  Have someone read it to you.

“I am not an advocate for frequent changes in laws and Constitutions. But laws and institutions must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind. As that becomes more developed, more enlightened, as new discoveries are made, new truths discovered and manners and opinions change, with the change of circumstances, institutions must advance also to keep pace with the times. We might as well require a man to wear still the coat which fitted him when a boy as civilized society to remain ever under the regimen of their barbarous ancestors.” – Thomas Jefferson.

Like all dictators, you approve of something only when it suits your personal interest.  But the way it works around here is if enough people don’t like the way things are going, we protest and petition to make a point and hopefully make things better.  We’ve been doing that since the Boston Tea Party.  You should read up on it, or, er, watch the History Channel or something.

Hey! Fox News.  Ask Sean Hannity  which of these two images more accurately projects mob violence in his world.

Group of Senate Building Protestors                        Group of Charlottesville Protestors

Well it’s finally happening.  The end is near.  I had my annual physical last week.  It’s a free medical service compliments of our nations Medicare program.  It’s one of the perks of retirement.  I bet you can’t wait.  For the uninitiated, you should be aware the exam has a component that you don’t ordinarily experience in those conducted during your pre-retirement years.  During your Medicare physical your medical practitioner will throw out some questions to see how you are holding up cognitively.  It is a government program after all, and those in charge naturally have to have some standards in place so people can be held accountable. It just makes sense.  All the poking and prodding and sophisticated lab work will be a big help with your medical evaluation, but it’s what’s going on inside the ol’ noggin that is probably more impactful when it comes to deciding if someone should tell your kids to take away your car keys.

A lot of you are probably thinking if Trump aced his mental acuity test how hard can it be.  Not so fast.  You aren’t going to get to identify pictures of animals. Any idiot can do that.  Obviously the test Trump took was dumbed down so he could walk away thinking he is a genius.  You won’t be so lucky. You have to bear down and concentrate on the original, unmodified version.

One of the things you have to do is draw a clock with the hands pointing to a specific time.  Sounds simple but you will probably fuck it up.  There is really no time constraint so don’t panic.  Of course you can’t erase because what you are given to perform the task is a ball point pen. So just do your best by scribbling over any line that doesn’t look right, or maybe write “oops” along the side of it and draw another line.  You should probably make sure the new one you draw is reasonably accurate though because at this point your medical examiner is starting to calculate how long it will be before you are chronically drooling all over yourself and walking around with shit in your pants.

What you will find more challenging though is the deceptive word game.  You’ll be given three words and asked to remember and repeat them later on during the examination. It was easy for me to remember my first word during this year’s exam because it was “finger.”     That’s what my physician earlier jammed up my ass  to see how my prostate gland is getting along.  I didn’t have a problem remembering my other two words at that time either, but to be honest with you I don’t recall what they were now.  The fact that I could later only remember one of my words bothered me for awhile.  I hope I’m not getting Alzheimers.  I do remember  none of my words were “gerbil'” “flashlight,” or “beer bottle.”  Those are some of the things I’ve heard people  stick up their ass for reasons  I don’t particularly care to know about, so no doubt under the circumstances I would not have had difficulty recalling any of those.

Overall I think  my physical went very well this year- except for one thing.  One year ago I was five feet eleven inches tall.  This year I am five feet nine and three-fourths inches tall.  I am missing one and a quarter inches of myself.   I have been five feet eleven inches for the past five decades.  Where did that one and a quarter inch go?  I am shrinking and as we all know that is a pretty good indication a person is on the downside of existence.  Son of a bitch!  You better know I’m not taking this sitting down, with the exception of sitting down for a half hour each day with my old cervical traction device strapped to my head.  I figure if I max out the capacity of the water- weight bag, after a couple months I can stretch back most of what I have lost.  The grim reaper can just kiss my ass.

UPCOMING HEALTH TIP: How to deal with that smart- ass doctor who keeps rudely fat-shaming your liver.  

Think of somebody besides yourself for a change and SHARE