On Putin and Parenting

Well here we go again.  From all appearances it seems Donald Trump Jr just pulled off the bone-head move of the political decade and once again the resulting stink from a disjointed White House has all of us anti-Trumpers giddy with anticipation.  Surely this is finally going to motivate any  principled Republican in congress to admit enough is enough.  But I’ve learned not to get my hopes up.  In fact, hang onto your hats folks because on the horizon will be some of the most creatively entertaining political spin Conway, Spicer, and Huckabee Sanders have ever produced.  And remarkably our elected sycophants will continue to enable a man who has no business in the Oval Office.

Ooopsie!

Politics has become so polarized in this country this is where we have landed.  Wave after wave of alarming events pound the shoreline of our consciousness until rock solid principles of democracy and decency are pulverized into grains of indifference.  Instead of considering Junior’s behavior disturbing, defenders are treating it as if it was little more than a glass of spilled milk.  Just a simple mistake by a neophyte.  “Most people would take that meeting” says the President of the United States.

What in the hell have we become?  Put the idiocy and collusion surrounding this episode aside for a moment and just look at the computer hacking aspects.   What keeps getting lost every time one of these mind-bending stories surfaces is the fact there was Russian interference in our election process.  Geezuz H the country has been attacked and this administration is perfectly happy doing nothing about it.  The internet corruption that went on here is not much less frightening than the danger posed by the nut job in North Korea.  You could say what Russia managed to get away with so far is cyber sniper fire.  Besides fomenting fake stories on the internet, they hacked the election system computers in 21 states.  What’s to stop them from pushing the envelope.  It is not out of the realm of possibility that with the tapping of a few keystrokes they could accomplish the near equivalent of a nuclear missile strike- disabling a huge section of our electrical power grid.  They already have their foot in the door  Russia hacks U.S. Nuclear Power Plant  The results would be very similar to a nuclear missile attack. If you are interested in some shit-scary observation about this, read Ted Koppel’s book “Lights Out.”  

Ask the county what their number one fear is and half will say terrorism. Maybe you think it’s a stretch to say that election tampering by an adversarial foreign government is terrorism, but should all the lights go out and hospital ventilators stop functioning and gas pumps quit working, you might concede early intervention might have been helpful.   We know Russia meddled in our democratic process.  The point I am trying to make is we need to direct our  focus on the larger issue.  The reason all these investigations are going on is it is extremely important we find out if any American citizens were involved because they are either guilty of obstruction of Justice or possibly treason, or stunning and dangerous ignorance, all of which  might well serve to accelerate a more heinous foreign agenda. Robert Mueller is likely to expose Trump’s shifty business practices as well, especially if tax returns are subpoenaed, but the president has no one to blame but himself for that investigation.  A cyber war catastrophe in this country is just as likely to occur as a nuclear one.  Why so many people have chosen to regard this Russian intrusion with casual indifference is beyond me.

Most people would take that meeting?  Most people in the Trump family maybe.  Most normal people would contact the authorities.

I can not help thinking  how we have just circled back to the very beginning.  Of course before Trump got elected we had no inkling of how he would govern. Right after he became president I think the majority of us thought the guy should at least be given a chance.  That did not last long in my case.  If you are like me and have nothing better to do than sit on your ass all day, see my previous blog  https://www.asiteforsoreguys.com/gaslighting  .  As time has progressed, about the only consistent thing we are seeing from this administration is what a total clusterfuck it is.  Our democracy is certainly being put to the test.  Undoubtedly it will survive this shit-storm, but if congress is to get anything of substance accomplished its members had better pull their collective heads out of their asses and mitigate the damage.  Get a spine and tell the president he needs to quit deflecting, take responsibility, and start cooperating.  Hopefully Trump’s recent veiled threat against Robert Mueller if he investigates the president’s family business ties will raise your democratic hackles.

However, what we do know now that we knew from the very beginning of the campaign season is how bereft of moral character Donald Trump Sr. is.  Unfortunately it seems obvious what Senior considers good parenting is to make sure the polarity of Junior’s moral compass is as discharged as his is.  “It must be magic to raise children in a household where probity has no meaning.”  That’s a perfect quote from the editorial page of a Cincinnati newspaper.  What Donald Jr. did by biting on the bait offered by Rob Goldstone was reprehensibly wrong, plain and simple.  So comically ironic is the fact that Junior, in the process of defending himself on this very issue,  only made things worse by telling yet another blatant lie- on Sean Hannity’s show no less.   He can attempt to put any spin he wants on all of this, and god knows he’s been out there twirling his best, but it does not matter.  It is obvious the orange does not fall far from the tree.

I know Trump’s most entrenched supporters will believe this is acceptable behavior, that to them the end justifies any kind of means, and the staunchest congressional Republicans will keep deflecting.  But you can not defend the indefensible.  The “family values” plank of the Republican party platform was removed and shoved through a wood chipper the minute it accepted Donald Trump as its candidate.  The man always was and will continue to be a completely amoral narcissist, a whining liar, and as we are now witnessing,  an incompetent leader.  He believes his suspect values are the only proper ones and obviously those are the ones he has instilled in his children.   Every member of congress has  intrusive knowledge of this conduct on a day to day basis.  Maybe the general public has become numb to it. But congressional members have no excuse.  They are directly exposed, and by continuing to enable this president they are displaying a shameful example to their own children.

“Botched collusion is still collusion.”  Charles Krauthammer, syndicated columnist, Washington Post

“Russia is the one country that could physically destroy America,”  Steven Pifer, Former U.S. Ambassador to Ukraine

“Release your tax returns Mr. Twitterbitch,”  me and 224 million Americans.

 

 

Anniversary

I’m up on my roof.  I’m here because this is where my wife sent me.   She noticed some debris had collected between two gables and was sure I was just the one who could take care of that problem.  Between those two gables is a trapezoidal section covered with flashing and is fairly flat, so it is a natural staging area for fallen twigs and leaves to rest.  I am always hopeful  Mother Nature  will sweep them away with a succession of her bouts of stormy temper before my wife notices them.  She is a stickler for detail.  She’s not obsessive-compulsive or anything.  It’s just that there are some particular things that she feels important for appearances sake.  If the pleat of  a bed skirt is not lying flat, a throw pillow out of place, or there are dead bugs inside the opaque cover of an outdoor light fixture, it will get her attention.  And sometimes her concerns eventually mean more work for me.  Unfortunately one of those times is right now because the proper weather patterns never materialized to save me from this death-defying mission.

My work is done.  I managed to knock down all the twigs and leaves without participating  in their decent. Since the incline is minimal in this spot, I feel safe though.  Actually it’s kind of cool here.  I can stand, or I can sit down and rest my ass on the steeper part of the roof and let my mind wonder reflectively, or better yet, scan the neighborhood and mentally make fun of people I see walking around.  You get a different perspective up here.  I have a six foot fence that surrounds most of my back yard, and naturally that inhibits a lot of human interaction.  And that’s the whole point of a six foot fence really.   I don’t care to know your business, and I sure as hell don’t want you nosing around in mine.  Geez, there’s my next door neighbor strutting around without a shirt on again.  My wife hates that.  Usually there’s an accompanying  episode or two of plumber’s crack she feels she has do endure.  I keep telling her she doesn’t have to look at it. Change the channel for Pete’s sake.  But my wife was raised with a strong sense of right and wrong, and coursing  through all of it is a very elevated expectation of common decency.

Man I didn’t realize how nice the neighbor’s yard is behind me.  It used to be little more than a stark testament to what man can accomplish when he completely gives up on ambition- discarded containers and tires strewn throughout the yard, piles of dog shit on the patio, and every once in awhile the smell of a dead animal rotting away in the total concealment of weeds that were knee-high.  That new guy really got the place in shape.  Next to him lives a short, chubby guy who I have been told is an ambulance chasing  attorney and is a total asshole.  That’s the story circulating in the neighborhood anyway.  He has some great power tools though.  He’s always firing something up and waking me from my  afternoon nap. That strikes my wife as being inconsiderate.  If there is one word to describe my wife it’s considerate.  Champion of the underdog.  God don’t get her started on the plight of the Native American, unless you’re game for a rousing psychological bitch slapping.

Then right next to the attorney is-  you know I don’t know who lives there.  But next to that house live the Wamplers.  The boys are a handful and I can’t say I appreciate all the discharged bottle rockets I find in my backyard during the first week of every July.  Old man Wampler is a character though.  He is a neighborhood philosopher of sorts, likes to hand out unsolicited advice, and will surprise with a folksy saying every once in awhile.  One time when he was walking by my house we got engaged in a conversation about vacations we have taken and he made a point of emphasizing how important it was to take one by stating, “No matter what, once every year I pack up all my kids that aren’t in jail and just head out of town.”  That’s a sentiment that somehow just sticks with you.     

   Little Bobby Wampler Pictured Here the Day After Last Year’s Wampler 4th of July Celebration

Well enough of the contemplation.  It’s time to think about getting off of my roof.  Damn I forgot about this part.  At some point I have to scoot backwards to get onto my ladder.  If you think that’s easy, well eat shit.  Except for the section I was resting on, my roof is a series of 45 degree pitches.  God I hate this.  My wife would calm me down if she were up here.  I tend to get all panicky if I’m not reasonably certain of an outcome.  But my wife is forever the optimist, her cup always half full, although this Trump business is wearing on her a bit. It’s almost refreshing to hear her complain about something.  I love that woman.  Holy shit! You know what I just remembered?  It’s my wedding anniversary.

Ordinarily I’m not the romantic type.  I can safely say no one who knows me would argue that point.  I don’t mean to sound like I’m proud of it or anything.  It’s just the way I am.  I suppose I could put more effort into that factor of the relationship equation.  But through the years I’ve managed to convince my wife all  holidays are just a capitalistic scam and if we are smart we should always forgo the pretentiousness.  Basically my feeling is neither of us should have to explain ourselves.  We know how we feel.  For Pete’s sake we’ve put up with each other for 46 years so obviously we are not lacking in communications skills.

That’s me.  Is that wrong?  Right now I’m beginning to think so.  It’s not that I don’t appreciate my wife.  She is a remarkable woman. She’s thoughtful, bright, loving, generous, patient, and holy cow is she a thorough housekeeper.  Very methodical.  And organized.  How did I get so lucky.  Now I kind of feel like a dick.  I don’t know what I’d do without her.

    My Wife is a Housekeeping Wizard

Sometimes we banter about who will die first.  If that topic comes up, it’s usually because we have just reflected on the genetic background of our respective families.  Since my mother is 98 and remarkably spry, we inevitably conclude that I would be the winner.  That’s if you believe there is victory in living longer.  But in fact I would be the loser in our situation.  I have to go out first.  I can’t figure out that damn dishwasher.  And the washing machine?  Just forget about it.  All those cycles and nobs and settings.  Bunch of unnecessary  manufacturer’s  hubris if you ask me.  It might end for me in a few minutes if I and my aluminum ladder make contact with those power lines attached to my house.  With my luck though the only thing I’d take down would be the cable TV service. Then I’d be lying in bed all crippled up without any television.  That would really suck.

Shit I hate being up here.  If I make it back to earth I swear I’ll turn over a new leaf.  I’m going to hop in my car and go get my wife an anniversary card, one that is overflowing with syrupy romanticism.  And a present too.  I think she’d really enjoy a box of Swiffers.   I don’t know what they are, but she is always raving about them.

So, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY SWEATHEART!  I LOVE YOU VERY, VERY MUCH. Now please call the fire department and see if they can send someone to get me down from here.

Also, if you believe I’m up here on this roof with my lap top you’re kind of a dumb shit.  If you can’t figure out how I wrote this you’ll have to go ask someone who is a little more perceptive.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Isolation Shield

     

President Trump has established a Monday morning tradition of meeting with Kellyanne Conway and Steve Bannon to review news reports from the  weekend.  This is a transcript of a tape recording from the meeting of Monday 6/5/2017 that was made unwittingly by the president when he accidentally hit “record” on the office entertainment system while he was trying to figure out how to watch a DVD he made of himself dancing.  The recording was discovered by a maintenance technician and has been subpoenaed as evidence related to the Mueller investigation.

***Sound of door opening and closing and shuffling feet***

      

TRUMP:  Good morning.

CONWAY and BANNON:  Good morning sir.

TRUMP:  What have you got for me?  I watched Fox all evening.  I wish Hannity had been on. He should be on more, like twelve hours a day.  I think Fox should think about that.  He has a great, tremendous program.  Lots of people like him.  Like, many people.

CONWAY:  That’s so true sir.  I love that guy.  Well, I channel surfed all evening and didn’t come up with much that’s new, although there was that commentary on DC channel 12.  It was on pretty late so you might have seen it after watching Fox.

TRUMP:  No. I’m tired of watching fake news.  I stuck with Fox all night.

CONWAY:  Well sir, the story was sort of a documentary, and it basically named you the most obtuse president in the entire history of the country.

TRUMP:  WOW!  The most!  Well you know I’m a winner Kellyanne.  I never lose.  Always a winner.  And it was a documentary thing.  That’s good.  Not just some reporter blowing hot air?

CONWAY:  No sir.  It was an hour long documentary.  A  lot of prestigious people contributed.  But I’m not sure you understan…

TRUMP:  Who’s my competition?  I beat out Obama, right?  I must have.

CONWAY:  Yes sir, by a mile.  But…

TRUMP:  That’s perfect.  How ’bout Washington, or Lincoln?

CONWAY:  Not even close.

TRUMP:  All right.  Things are looking up.  I don’t need any more bad news.  I just don’t want to hear any more bad news!  Bad news- NO, NO uh-uh. No more. I think we should really run with this ah, obstruse thing.  How do you suppose this got started, I mean, what put me over the top?

CONWAY:  Oh I’m pretty sure it was an accumulation of things, but my guess is it was backing out of the climate change agreement that propelled you into first place.

TRUMP;  I knew that was a good idea.  Tillerson said we should stay in, but I just knew leaving was the right thing to do.  I have a knack for calling the right shots.  Intinct, Kellyanne, instinct.  That’s what it is.  I have a natural feel for things.  I knew I was going to win the election.  I won by a lot too.  Biggest electoral win since Reagan.  It was huge.  You know that.  I might have to think about firing Tillerson. Ok.  So how can we take advantage of this.  I mean, can we do anything else to really, like, slam the door on it.  I don’t want any of those other guys sneaking up on me and  snatching this away.  Who’s the closest to me?  I know you might think I’m pushy, but I’m a competitor.  And a winner.  Always have been.

CONWAY:  Yes sir I do know that.   Well there’s Buchanan.  He kind of sat around and let the Confederacy take hold.  And Harding played poker all day while his friends plundered the U.S. Treasury.  Those two are right behind you.

TRUMP:  Buchanan and Harding.  Hmmm.  Can’t say I know much about them.  Did either of them play any golf?  I think we should watch out for Harding.  Sounds like he might have been a good deal-maker. He must have had some real loyal people on his team.  You reward people like that.  Loyalty-  very important, very important.  Just like you guys.  Loyalty is big, I mean really huge.  Actually though  it’s all that poker playing that really bothers me. You know about my casino’s.  Everyone knows it was all those ridiculous state regulations that, you know, that’s why I got out.  And look how I made out.  All those investors got stuck and I came out like a bitch.  I know what I’m doing.  It’s how I make deals.   It’s what I do. Now, the dishonest media might start some rumor that Harding would have been better at running casinos.  That just might be a problem.  I think we should come up with something to really cement this.  What do you think Steve?  Is there anything else we can come up with to make sure I hang onto this.

BANNON:  Oh sir, we’ve just got started.  I’ve got you covered, believe me.

TRUMP:  I know Steve.  I have all the confidence in the world in you.  You were right about the climate change deal.  I knew I could count on you.  Of course I was going to go down that road anyway.  I have that instinct thing-  it’s always there.  But you always watch my back.  I appreciate it.  So what ideas have you got?

BANNON:  Well there is a lot we can do on the European front.  We should probably keep pounding away at Germany- you should maybe make an announcement that anyone owning a BMW or Volkswagen has to ship it back to Germany.  And Macron could stand to be taken down a notch.  I know you think he’s a showboat anyway.

TRUMP:  Ya.  Showboat.  You got that right.  That handshake story- it’s just all fakey.  Fake news. He didn’t lock down on my hand.  I locked his hand up.  He couldn’t get away.  i had such a grip on his hand-  you can see it.  The dishonest media keeps saying what a tough guy he is. I was the one that had the tight grip, like a grip that was so strong and tremendously ah, grippy.  My grip is big league- everybody knows that.  A lot of people say I have the tightest grip like, they’ve ever seen, or ah, felt.  And you know Macron has a really old wife.  Not a ten like Malania. Or Ivanka.  That daughter of mine.  Is she hot or what?  Have you seen her in a swimsuit?  Those froggies don’t have women like we do over here.  I don’t care what they say.

CONWAY:  Melania is beautiful sir.  And of course Ivanka. She…

TRUMP:  You know you could be a ten Kellyanne.  You could!  You just get some of those breast implants- automatic ten.  That’s what it’s all about Kellyanne.  You have to have the breasts.  No tens without those.  Trust me.  Implants- you’d be a ten.

CONWAY:  You’re way too kind sir.

BANNON:  I have an idea I’ve been toying with for quite some time and I am starting to think this would really lock things up for you Mr. President.

TRUMP:  What’s that Steve?

BANNON:  Your tax returns.  Release them.

TRUMP and CONWAY:  ARE YOUR CRAZY!!

BANNON:  I know it’s a radical idea. But listen to me.  Most of the country wants you to do it.  Even half your base.  So right there you make them happy.  Then, when America gets a gander at the returns, we give it the old Trump spin and they will realize what a clever businessman you are by using Russian money to save your business, and then screwing the commies by overcharging them on real estate purchases and hiding the profits in those Cypriot banks. All of that without paying any income tax!  It’s the kind of thing your base will love you for.  And your detractors can only dream of being so financially astute. Their balls will wither from envy.  They won’t know what to do. It’s a complete win-win.  Of course we’ll have to pull Kislyak in and assure him it’s all part of the plan, but Putin knows there’s no way were going to screw him.

TRUMP:  Hmm.  Maybe your onto something there.  But I don’t know.  What about Ryan.  Say what you want, he’s been right out there hitting the dishonest media. He did a fantastic job getting it across that this government stuff is something new to me.  Release my tax records and I might lose Ryan.  I’m a smart business man.  Business.  It’s what I do. I make the best deals, the most tremendous, greatest deals.  He doesn’t understand business like I do and might think, like, I did something bad or something.  Can you believe that?  It’s business!  I have to admit this job’s been a little tougher than I thought.  But you can see I’m getting the hang of it.  I’m. like, a real smart person.  I know a lot of things.

CONWAY:  Yes sir.

BANNON:  Watching you work has been a real eye-opener sir.

TRUMP:  Thank you Steve.  But no, I think you’re wrong on this one.  It’s like a secret recipe, like Kentucky Fried Chicken.  You think Kentucky Fried wants their secret recipe out there for everyone to see.  No way Steve.  You know, I’m getting kind of hungry.

CONWAY:  Shall we take a break sir?

TRUMP;  Yes, I think we should.  I’m going to run down the hall and catch Whatshisname- have him make a McDonalds run.  You want anything?

CONWAY and BANNON:  No sir.

***Sound of shuffling feet and door opening and closing as Trump exits.***

CONWAY:  Should we keep playing him like this?  I’m starting to get nervous.

BANNON:  Kellyanne, come on!   Did you ever think it would be this easy? .  You’ve got to hang in there.  We are getting so close. We can ride the 38 percent into the next term.

CONWAY:  35 percent.  No way I was going to tell him the new number.

BANNON: OK.  35.  Still, we were sent here by them to burn the house down.  That’s the only way we can save it.   Besides, you heard him. You just admitted it yourself.  No more bad news.

CONWAY:  God I hope you know what you are doing.  Are you sure we need a wall along the Canadian border?

BANNON:  Come on.  I’ve explained this.  You said you are with me all the way.  You saw how I got him to work the solar panel conversation into the Mexican wall.  The left eats that crap up.  We just have to keep stroking him.  He loves walls.  You know that.  Strike while the iron’s hot!. We have a congress that’s nothing but a bunch of spineless jellyfish.  They are absolutely terrified of the guy.  It’s just too easy. The Isolation Shield is not just a dream now.  We have the technology and manipulative genius to keep foreigners out of the country and environmentalists out of our business- for good!  We can’t let up.

CONWAY:  I know you’re right.  What about Alaska and Hawaii though?  How are you going to extend the Shield’s electro magnetic field?

BANNON:  Hawaii could be a problem.  But most of those people aren’t true Caucasians.  Bunch of hula dancers and flaming baton twirlers.  I’ll be dropping subtle hints we should cut the whole place loose.  Revert it to Commonwealth status.  They caused nothing but problems when we introduced the travel ban anyway. That really snapped his strap.  And Alaska, are you kidding?  How many camel jockey’s are going to want to cause trouble in Alaska.  And anyone  from either state will be free to move about once they prove their white Christian status like the rest of us and have their radio frequency chip implanted.  Now remember.  The first full cabinet meeting is coming up soon.  Start spreading the word the president does not want any bad news  We want nothing but supplicant praise coming out of their mouths. And  you should get on Facebook and Twitter and start some rumors about  the turbulence from wind turbines causing cancer.  And when you have time throw something salacious out there about Harding-maybe make it look like he was involved in bestiality or something   That will make the president happy.  I’d do that one myself but I have to get cracking on getting Ginsberg off the bench.  It shouldn’t be that hard.  She’s just a sneeze away from a life-threatening pneumonia infection.  The Supreme Court and Muslim ban are within our grasp. Let’s get to work.

 

***Sound of shuffling feet, door opening and closing as Kellyanne and Steve exit***

INDEPENDENTCOMMENT:  Readers of this article should take note it might still be considered classified information.  You could face charges of treason should you share its content.  However,  keep in mind it is Mr. Bannon’s intention to let President Trump decide the insertion location of the the RF chips so mentioned above.  Legal consultants are therefore confident that any exposure to litigation will be non-existent, since a just review would most certainly reveal these actions to be an assault on human dignity,  which, many would concur, is an accurate characterization of many Trump policies as well as the man himself.  For the good of the country and protection of your loved ones, you simply must share.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Bannon Doctrine

Geezuz this pisses me off.  I can’t claim to be any kind of expert on the Paris Climate Agreement,  but it seems to me a lot of people are missing the tragic point of United States withdraw.  With all the chaos and insane inhumane conflict going on in the world,  the one thing that every country on earth has come to an agreement on is the planet is starting to fall apart and we need to do something about it.  The Paris Climate Agreement was an affirmation of that fact, and miraculously, every county but two has gradually decided to indeed- do something about it.  Every country is all in except Nicaragua, which did not participate because the governing body of that county thought the agreement did not go far enough, and Syria.  Enough said there.  Ok.  Most of us know that.  But our president decided to pull out because it was a “bad deal” for the country, and he feels obligated to stay committed to a ridiculous campaign promise.

First of all, it’s hardly a deal.  Yes there are financial commitments, but there is nothing binding about them.  There are no non-compliance penalties attached to them and likewise there are not any for failure to meet emission goals.  Sure, if developed countries do not reach goals, they look bad and insincere.  There will probably be a few, maybe many, that fall short.  But one of the reasons the agreement was devised was so that we could help each other out.  That is the point.  This accord is such a good idea there are even sub-states, businesses and individuals who contribute to it.  Our climate is in some serious shit and this president can not seem to get that through his head.  I know he has some clue that there must be something out of whack, because he tried to get Scotland to build a sea-wall to protect his precious coastal golf course in that country.  Reasonable people in charge there told him he could stick that idea straight up his ass. What in the fuck is with this guy and his obsession with walls?

And he is supposed to be the big jobs creator.  I can not believe he does not understand by now that the jobs future rests conspicuously in the area of renewable energy.  That fact comes up time and time again during media discussion.  He watches TV day and night.  We are setting ourselves up for failure, to sit back and live in a century gone by.

I can argue, you can argue back.  Every side has its own set of projections and statistics.  The real point is, the leaders of basically every country in the world accept the fact that there is some very bad shit going on within our environment that we need to get a handle on, and this country has the one leader who is either too dense to realize that fact, or is so self-absorbed  his pathetic idea of the right thing to do is thumb his nose at the rest of the world in order to pacify his political base, and I am willing to bet there are even many within that loyal group that  believe it is borderline insanity to not participate in any world-wide movement that exists solely for the purpose of securing the survival of mankind.  Nothing about withdrawing from the Paris Climate Agreement puts “America First.”  it relegates America to a position far behind China or India, France or Germany, or any country that is more than happy to engage in responsible forward thinking and innovation.  Apparently there were several people in advisory positions with a capacity for common sense, like Secretary Tillerson, that tried to dissuade the president from committing this blunder.  But this kind of recklessness has Steve Bannon’s name stamped all over it.  Unfortunately we are being governed by  someone who is easily manipulated, often by his own hyper-inflated ego or the last person he talks to.

Trump with the Marionette Master Lurking in the Background

Scotland Residents Concerned About Trump Impeachment Rumors

Lightbart  News report by Doug Furr

In an unusual turn of events, many Scottish communities are suddenly worried about the  impeachment rumors swirling around President Trump.  Only a short time ago the current U.S. president was recognized as the most hated man in Scotland, usurping the position from Edward Longshanks, the most despised man in Scottish history,  The infamous achievement was brought about after Mr. Trump started a smear campaign of intimidation in order to bully local residents who objected to the golf course and gaudy clubhouse he built along the beach of the coastal town of Aberdeenshire.

After a recent national poll was taken however, the president fell all the way to third place, behind the aforementioned Longshanks and Phil Oxenbauls, historically rumored to be the person who disemboweled William Wallace.  Why the sudden down surge of unpopularity?  It all has to do with the economics of Scotland.   It seems the diminishment of Mr. Trump’s unfavorable standing  correlates to the increases in sales of scotch, the third largest industry in the country.  Ever since Donald Trump became president, U.S. sales of scotch have skyrocketed.

I recently paid a visit to Brokenwinde, a peaceful lowland  hamlet situated on Scotland’s eastern shore.  There I met up with Peter McDooglestein, president and CEO of H. McMac and Company, makers of McMac scotch whiskey. The company has a long history in the alcohol production business.  Peter’s great, great grandfather, Hyman McDooglestein, was the first Rabbi to settle in Scotland, and dabbled in Kosher wine making.  The business gradually expanded to include the production of scotch, and over time their scotch developed such a prestigious reputation it was decided the company would discontinue peripheral products and concentrate solely on its single malt.

H. McMac Company employs 94 people, almost a third of Brokenwinde’s population.  A mere three months ago there were only 37 employees.  Peter McDooglestein attributes the increase in hiring and fortune to Donald Trump.  Since his inauguration, Peter said that U.S sales of McMac scotch have increased ten-fold.  “I got no understandin’ of what that fella’s s up to, but ever since he took over I ken tell ya it’s been real good for me and most of us in Brokenwinde,” he emphatically explained.  “I sure hope ye good people keep him on fer awhile.  I hear he’s made some trouble, but ye know how it is.  Live next to a pig sty and ye git used to the smell of shit after a bit.”

Mention the word “Trump” and Brokenwinde natives often respond with a traditional Scottish salute.

After a tour of his distillery, Peter took me to a local tavern, where I sampled a dram or two of McMac over lunch.  It is a fine lowland scotch, with a solid nutty flavor and just a slight, peaty aroma..  I had just finished my last drink, when another, very offensive aroma, came whiffing about.  “Don’t ye worry thar me friend,” Peter said with a grin. “That aint yer president come visitin’.  I just had the need to have a blow under me kilt.”

Having been back in the states for a couple of weeks, I have to say Peter McDooglestein is at least partly right.  A lot of people really have adjusted well to the smell coming from Washington.  Does not seem to bother them at all.  As for me, I just can’t seem to get past all the stink.  I know it’s just me.  Just my constitution I suppose.  But as one layer of shit after another piles up in the Trump White House the stench is simply becoming personally intolerable.

If you are like me and you find yourself reflexively gagging from the odor emanating from the White House, you might find my solution to the problem useful- McMac scotch. I don’t want to make any promises, but I can tell you it gets me through the day.

 

 

 

Where Are You Howard Baker (R-Tennessee)?

You guys know something about Watergate, right?  At the very least the word conjures up an association of President Nixon with unlawful activity.  As every day of the tumultuous Trump presidency passes the word seems to be mentioned more and more frequently, with attached comparisons between the Nixon and Trump administrations.  And in most of the cases you can argue that such a comparison requires a leap of faith to some degree.  But the firing of James Comey is hard to disassociate from that logic.  When President Nixon fired Archibald Cox, the prosecutor investigating the 1972 presidential election, it was viewed by almost everyone as an unethical act performed by a desperate man. The whole Comey affair brings to mind the old adage “Those who don’t know history are destined to repeat it.”

In the summer of 1973 the Senate Watergate Hearings were in full swing.  I have a vivid recollection of many of the prominent figures that were involved in testifying, like White House counsel John Dean, and Alexander Butterfield. The judicial committee was composed of men we so long for today, a bipartisan group of principled, ethical people- Chairman Sam Ervin, Senators Lowell Weicker, Daniel Inouye and Howard Baker.  My question does not evolve around a similarity between these two administrations, but a difference.  What the fuck is with all the classified material going on now?

During that summer of 1973 my wife and I took a very long road trip.  It is difficult for most to comprehend when I tell the story, but seven of us packed ourselves into my father-in-law’s station wagon, an Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser, and drove from Wesley Iowa,  my wife’s home town in the northern part of the state, to Arizona, and back.  Besides my wife and I, members of that brave group were my wife’s family- her mother and father and three siblings.  It was a fantastic trip, remarkable for many reasons, of course one of which would be how we made it back to Wesley without purposely leaving someone behind.  We saw some of our country’s most beautiful scenery- the Grand Canyon, the Arizona desert, Teton and Yellowstone National Parks, the Black Hills and Mt. Rushmore, and the Bighorn mountains, where I spent many weekends of my youth.

We were so overwhelmed with excitement to start out we gave up on sleeping overnight in Wesley and took off at 10pm in the evening,  took turns driving, and drove 22 straight hours to Albuquerque NM.  The next day we arrived in Flagstaff AZ, the primary destination point of our trip, to visit my wife’s older brother.  After two days there, we were off again, and the length of each day of travel became shorter and shorter.  That was because there were those Watergate hearings, and all of us, especially my father-in-law, became mesmerized by the proceedings.  It was late July, and we just happened to be traveling during the sweet spot of the televised coverage- six days of continuous, riveting witness to history. We had to stop early enough and fire up a television set so we could catch up on the day’s events.

In 1973  the Democrats controlled the Senate, but they needed Republican support to move forward with the investigation of a Republican president. By that point in time there were several Republican senators who realized the right thing to do was put country before party and get to the bottom of Nixon’s malfeasance.  Republican and Democrat senators on that judiciary committee pounded away, and never once do I remember the term “classified material” ever coming up.

That I know of, the official investigation of Nixon was conducted by the Watergate Senate Judicial Committee, and that was it.  There were not multiple investigations, like there are now with Trump.  I don’t recall the word “classified” coming up at all during the  Watergate hearings.  We had a responsible senate that decided enough was enough and bore down on the problem, citing evidence and hearing testimony that was evidently not considered classified, or it was declassified at the time of the proceedings.  All ducks were apparently in an orderly row.

Representative Government at Work During Watergate Hearings

I can’t say that I understand all the legal and technical details of what it takes to initiate a judicial investigation like Watergate.  Maybe changes in procedure have occurred since then.  Maybe involved investigative parties do not want to move forward until everything pertinent  is researched and documented.  I know that during the televised hearings that I have seen this month every time it appears there might be some significant revelation, the word “classified” comes up and then again I wonder where and when will the information be handed off to someone who can unveil its mysteries.  Another thing  I know is there is definitely something wrong that needs a full investigation. President Trump is hiding something, and his entire posture smacks of obstruction.  It’s time to get all this classified material corralled and investigated by one dedicated body, and since the Republicans seem to be intensely afraid of President Trump’s unhinged, retaliatory nature it is apparent we need independent inquiry.

President Trump at Work with Governmental Machinery

My personal feeling is there will be little in the way of anything subversive at the end of a competent investigation.  I think what it will show is something President Trump is afraid of more than anything- fear of looking like an incompetent loser.  His tax returns simply have to become publicly available.  There lies the answers to most of the questions.  I think what will be revealed is documented proof that Trump is a shifty, but very poor businessman who might possibly have been bailed out by a shady Russian loan.

The Republicans must quit acting like ass-kissing sycophants and do what is right.  They are supposed to be working for us and the majority of us want to know if the Trump campaign was involved in illegal activity, and to what degree Russia was involved.  Regardless of the outcome we deserve to to know one way or the other if what transpired during the 2016 election is the kind of thing our founding fathers feared most- foreign interference in our democracy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where’s Bill?

Once again I find myself in Bill O’Reilly land.  My mother had a heart attack and I am in St. George Utah helping her out while she is in rehab.  She will be 98 next month and is remarkably adaptable.  The woman barely weighs 100 pounds, but a total hip replacement two years ago was merely a small setback.  As I am observing the progress of her cardiac rehab I suspect she doesn’t know what all the fuss is about, and considers the whole thing to be a mild inconvenience at the very worst, only because she now has to wait a week to get her hair shampooed and styled.

But what the heck is going on with Bill O”Reilly?  I know he is involved in that sexual misconduct scandal, but geezuz I though the president pardoned him.   After all, President Trump believes Bill to be a genuinely good person and did nothing wrong and publicly asserted the point.  The president has to now feel he is really getting somewhere with his pussygrabbing agenda.  Couple that with his “I’m going to bomb the shit out of em” policy he has to be giddy with a sense of accomplishment. Never mind he seemed to have misplaced an entire carrier strike group that’s roaming around somewhere in the Pacific Ocean.

If you visited St. George previous to this week, what you saw in the early evening on every television set in the city was this:

          

Typically Bill follows you around wherever you are in St. George.  In order of above TV screen shots left to right, here is Bill two months ago on my hotel lobby TV, on my mother’s TV, on my mother’s living center TV, on the TV of the bar I went to to get away from Bill, and son of a bitch there he was on my fucking cell phone!

This week what you see at the same time slot on Fox News is this:

            

I can see why Bill likes his job. But speaking as an unwitting observer of the television viewing habits of the residents of St George, it appears Fox New is getting along just fine without Bill.  My mother, who admittedly might not have an exact understanding of all the indelicacies of Bills discretions, put it this way, “I don’t understand the attraction.”  Hopefully 13 million in law suits and losing a very lucrative but overhyped job will help Bill realize he’s not the big attraction he thinks he is.

 

TRUMP AID ACCUSES PRESIDENT OF TELLING THE TRUTH!

 

Reince Priebus sobs uncontrollably after committing uncharacteristic blunder

During his interview with CNN commentator Wolf Blitzer last night, President Trump’s Chief of Staff Reince Priebus let it slip that telling the truth is something the president does sometimes.  When pressed by Mr. Blitzer for a specific example of such incongruous behavior, Mr. Priebus seemed to be caught off guard and a a bit flustered, replying “You can’t expect the guy to just pull something out of his ass all the time.”

The stunning comments evoked an immediate defensive response from close White House staffers.  Speaking to a Fox News reporter the following morning, Presidential Counselor Kellyanne Conway tried her best to tamp things down, stating “I am not sure what conversation Reince was referring to.  He was probably just joking around with the president on one of those buses or something.  What I can tell you is I have never known the president to tell a non-lie.  Never.  It is amazing to me how he can just off the cuff not tell a non-lie.  He knows what America needs and his truths and facts are what the people want to hear.  He’s a man of his word and it’s what makes him such a great president.”

It remains to be seen what impact the fall out will have with the president’s supporters.  The commander in chief took things into his own hands however, tweeting from the third hole of his Virginia golf course, “I just heard around that someone somewhere said many members of congress might be making bad deals laundering money in Cypriot banks and funding ISIS.  Now I have to demand a full congressional investigation of itself.  SAD!”

When approached by the press and asked how long such an investigation would take, befuddled Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said he had no idea how to even go about the process, but his best guess is it could easily take a decade to accomplish.  So for now it looks like the president has avoided catastrophe and has firmly reestablished his fundamental policy once again.

FYI: Jackie Paper Will Spend Rest of His Days Behind Bars

My wife recently attended the National Art Education Association Conference in NY City.  Like me, she is retired.  Unlike me, she enjoys staying involved in her profession.  There are a number of pharmacy related conferences here and there that if I wished I could attend as a retired pharmacist.  Doesn’t interest me in the least.  My wife really has fun during her sojourns though.  She finds the speakers entertaining and topics educational.  She visits art museums and so forth, and usually has a small group of fellow teachers to commiserate with while touring and dining.  I heard from a reliable source that during this recent  trip my wife and her friends liked to frequent a particular restaurant for its “attentive service,”  provided by some steroid sculptured guy by the name of  Adrian. If I find out he was passing out anything other than free tiramisu I will be making a special trip to NY myself.

When she got home my wife showed me the pictures she took on her i-phone and we had various discussions about her trip- her shitty airline experiences, the NY cuisine she sampled, the art museums, and- Peter Yarrow.  No shit.  He was headlining in her hotel ballroom I guess.  You remember Peter Yarrow.  Peter, Paul and Mary.  Geezuz I wonder how old that guy is?  I know Mary is dead.  Not sure about Paul.  Anyway Peter sang all the hits- ‘Blowin’ in the Wind,’ ‘If I had a Hammer,’ ‘Puff the Magic Dragon.’ etc.

Peter, Paul and Mary (In this photo, L  to R, Peter, Mary and Paul, although it could be Paul, Mary and Peter.  I’m forever getting those two guys mixed up)

I always wondered what happened to little Jackie Paper.  He kind of shit on his dragon friend Puff, just discarded his friendship like a self-centered, rebellious teen sometime does.  I’m not sure I believe it, but I’ll take Peter’s word that Puff is still alive.   However as with Paul, I began to wonder if Jackie Paper was still living.  My wife kind of had her head up her ass and didn’t think to ask Peter, but in her defense, once she heard the story of Puff and Jackie again she got terribly upset and left the premises in tears.

I could never find out how to get ahold of Peter Yarrow myself, but I have some pretty good sources I use to do personal research, a couple of which have that new microwave surveillance technology.   ‘Somebody’ and ‘Heard Around’ are two of my favorites, as well as Rightbart.   Well you won’t believe it but I found out that little prick Jackie just up and  ran away from home and really got into trouble.  Broke his parent’s hearts.  It’s not like he bolted from an abusive environment or anything.  His parents, Doris and Harvey Paper, managed a very successful real estate business and gave the spoiled brat anything he wanted.  Christ how many kids have a fucking pet dragon?

Doris, Jackie, and Harvey in Happier Times

The story is Jackie hated his parents even as a young boy. No one really knows why. He started hatching a plot to kill them, and desperately tried to enlist the services of Puff. His thought was since Puff was a dragon he must have fire breathing capability so he could easily torch his parents house and either burn them alive or at least help destroy evidence after the heinous deed was done. When Puff informed Jackie that the fire breathing gene was absent in his species, he became enraged and, at the age of 16, that’s when he left home.

Jackie wandered the streets for a couple of years before joining the Klan and a motorcycle gang and then spent five years in jail for armed robbery.  When he got out, he embarked on a really bad acid trip that initiated a series of psychotic episodes involving childhood flashbacks.  Evidently at some point the bad chemicals surging through his brain triggered hallucinogenic instructions to go finish what was yet undone, so he traveled back to his childhood home, murdered his aged parents, and set their house on fire.  He is presently in prison serving a life sentence for first degree murder and arson.

1984 Photo of Jackie Paper

Though Peter Yarrow still features the song ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’ in most of his concerts, I found out during my research that if you ever press him about anything related to Jackie Paper’s personal life he will immediately walk away without comment.  I thought you’d like to know.

Fake News II or What are the Swedes Putting in Those Meatballs?

Well this really pisses me off.  Once again our president says something and the dishonest media gets a cob up its butt over it and makes the man look bad.  Totally unfair.  I’m not sure those Swedes know what’s going on in their own back yard.

Swedes of Every Sort Scatter in Confused Panic over President Trump’s Assertion that Their Country was Attacked by Terrorists.

Fox news was there!  When have you ever known them to get something wrong?  Fake News  God, if you listen to main stream news they make it sound like the president was just nonchalantly channel surfing or something when he saw all that trouble in Sweden that night.  He takes his channel surfing very seriously believe you me.  Between Fox News, Breitbart, and InfoWars who needs those bloated security briefings.  And for your information he quit speed surfing a long time ago- ever since Kellyanne stuck those 4×6 photos of the president in the corners of all the White House television sets.  She’s pretty sharp and realized that whenever he sees himself anywhere on those TV screens he takes extra time to pay attention.  That trick worked so well she had wall to wall mirrors installed in all the White House bathrooms so he could stare at himself while he was backing the brown bus out of the garage.  Not being in such a hurry there mitigated his constipation problem as well as improved his self esteem.  Gotta hand it to that Kellyanne.  Where in the heck has she been lately.  I sure hope she’s OK.

What chaps my ass even more is how the dishonest media keeps harping about the president’s amazing electoral  college victory.   So many times he has politely pointed out what a  record smashing achievement it was, and then you see the press crabbing about it.   It happened again during the president’s first press conference   So typical.  For Pete’s sake how many times does President Trump have to tell these guys how tremendous his landslide win was?  It was huge!  There has never been a public appearance of his that he has not mentioned it.  When will these morons start listening?  He got 306 electoral votes!  There was something fishy about two of those votes, but that just goes to show there’s voter fraud going on.  And then that dick reporter had the gall to nit-pick over some past election results.  Fake News  If the president of the United States says he won by the largest margin since Ronald Reagan, then he won by the largest margin since Ronald Reagan!  End of story!  He was given that information by somebody, so there you go.  Even more importantly, he has seen that information around. What more proof do you want?  You can’t deny somebody and around are impressively credible sources.  The dishonest media should take notes from our president and quit pulling unnamed sources out of their asses.  Further more, take a look at where his win total stands with respect to all presidential elections.  Out of 58 presidential elections, President Trump’s ranks 46th in win margin.  That is almost exactly where he falls numerically in presidential sequence.  That is fucking amazing!

So take heed news media.  Start paying attention to what our president says and report his facts, which are the true facts and best facts you can get.   We are sick and tired of all the fake news you are putting out.  He knows exactly what’s going on and he knows lots of big words that in the past have apparently confused you.  Sad!