28th Amendment

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Following is the transcript from this evening’s Breaking News story aired on our station.

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Good evening.  There is no reason you should know me, so before I go any further I guess I should introduce myself.  I am Billy Bimble, President Trump’s assistant press secretary.  As you are probably aware, President TrumLayer 1p was arrested this afternoon and is in a Mexico City jail, along with Press Secretary Hannibal, and the president has instructed me to speak to you tonight about his current predicament.  Before I get to that however, the president wants me to assure you that, although he is naturally upset with the Mexican government, he is perfectly safe and is confident the misunderstanding about his situation, as well as the wall under construction along the U.S.-Mexico border, will be all cleared up very shortly.  I spoke with him just an hour ago and he sounded like he was really pissed off, like usual, so that’s a good sign.

An hour really didn’t give me much time to get my thoughts together, but I will do my best to explain what is going on.  Remember, I am just an assistant, so you really shouldn’t expect much.  Actually I was just handed my title during this recent conversation with the president.  What I was before was the guy who carried around President Trump’s can of hair spray.  You might think that is the mother of all sweet jobs, but let me tell you the responsibilities are enormous.  You know how angry he gets.  In the last three years he has fired four people who couldn’t do the job right.  I bet you didn’t know that, did you?  I kind of psyched myself with the goal of hanging on and making it through this last year of his first term.  Now I’m hoping he gets a second one.  When I was handling the hair spray duties, I wasn’t so sure.  I got tired of getting yelled at.  But I have a feeling there will be a lot less pressure now that I am assistant press secretary.

So you are probably wondering how in the heck President Trump got himself into this fix in Mexico.  The details are still murky, but I am sure it had something to do with his anger issues.  He was already upset when he boarded Air Force One for his trip.  That’s the reason I’m still here and not in a jail in Mexico.  If you watched the news you might have noticed his hair flippity-flopping around while he was waving to the crowd right before he stepped into his plane.  He says I should have been prepared for that cross wind and given him a second coat before he climbed up the stairs.  Then he angrily snatched his hair spray out of my hand, said he’d just handle the job himself, and told me to go home.  I bet he’s damn glad that cross wind came up now.  At least he’s got me here to try and explain away all the troubles that are swirling around.

Some say he went a little too far when he challenged Speaker Ryan to that dual, but his approval rating skyrocketed when he fired Vice President Palin.  He did a standing back-flip when those poll numbers came out.  By now you all know how close President Trump was to shooting her.  And who can blame him?  It wasn’t so much the United Nations address she gave this summer, although that was pretty bad.  Even our U.S. translator couldn’t figure out what in the world she was saying.  Shutting the proceedings down for a day so people could go over their notes didn’t seem to help.  I guess Russia was pretty miffed.  Somehow those guys originally thought Vice President Palin called President Putin a “hole of and ass” for one thing, not to mention how upset the entire European Union was when a German diplomat misconstrued something she said to mean “Euro-trash.”  You have to hand it to all those interpreters in the building for sticking together and sorting things out.

But no it wasn’t that bewildering speech.  I tell you it was that which is known to all of us- that voice, the screeching sounds emitted like that of a wailing banshie, inflicting debilitating migraines upon the unprepared and causing dogs to howl and scatter in startled confusion.  It was after enduring one of Vice President Palin’s ten minute, ear drum shattering ramblings in the Oval Office that the president could stand it no longer and threatened her with his Glock 17.  I was in that room when it happened, and make no mistake it was I, Billy Bimble, who saved Vice President Palin’s life.  I take full responsibility.  I am truly sorry, but I was simply reacting instinctively.   Please, everyone!  Give me a break and stop tweeting all the hate messages.

Like I said, what exactly happened in Mexico is still unclear.  What is known, the stuff you know about from news reports, is the president went to Mexico on sort of a pacification mission, I think you would call it, about the wall he is building along our southern border.  And you are probably aware that Mexican President Cabarro got his underwear in a bunch over that thing.  Sixty feet high seemed like overkill to him I guess.  He said he would never agree to pay for a single strand of barbed wire, let alone a wall that blocks out the sun, and if President Trump wanted to do something about it he would just have to come down to Mexico because he sure as hell wasn’t going to go to Washington now that President Trump signed off on Amendment XXVIII.

I know everyone in our great country is well aware of this new constitutional amendment, but as I understand it this is being broadcast in Mexico, so I’ll go over it just in case there’s someone down there that has a TV set.  It was our insightful sitting president that sat around and finally did something about gun control.  Just so you know, our hispanic neighbors, Amendment XXVIII, specifically Section 1, mandates that every citizen of the United States of America carry a firearm of some sort at all times.  No doubt all our guns scare the crap out of you, our Mexican friends, which if you ask me is kind of ironic with all the bullet-riddled  bodies you have laying around in your country.   But you should understand it turned out to simply be the best way to clarify our pesky second amendment.  That stupid thing was so ambiguous.  I don’t know what in the heck our founding fathers were thinking there.  Man, would they be amazed if they could see the nice AK-101 I picked up for my little boy.  It knocks the little tyke right on his ass whenever he pulls the trigger.  Cute as the dickens.  I got that on-line at Fred’s Friendly-Fire Firearms Emporium.  Poor Fred was really taking some heat before section 3 of Amendment XXVIII made sure everyone knows on-line sales are just a sensible way to get guns into everyone’s hands.  And in my experience, Fred’s gun prices are hard to beat, unless you have a neighbor like I do.  Jack Vinivici- he just lives three houses down from me- he always has a garage sale of some sort going on.  Thank God section 4 of Amendment XXVIII came along to protect the rights of guys like Jack.  He likes to have special gun sales in the summer and early fall.  Then he can just lay everything out on tables in his driveway.  I was driving by his house last week and that’s when I picked up a sweet 9mm P99 pistol for my thirteen year old daughter.  She was a little upset I didn’t get her an assault weapon, but I just don’t think she should have a rifle slung over her shoulder.  I know a lot of the ladies like to accessorize with leather, but personally I think it looks a bit trampy.

Anyway, I guess what happened is, like you know, President Trump flew down to Mexico and while this wall conference was going on, apparently at some point he asked one of his secret servicemen to give the back of his head a quick shot of hair spray.  I know from experience touching up the back of the president’s head can be tricky.  If he feels any kind of moisture on his neck he can get pretty cranky.  And sure enough that’s what happened.  Evidently the president yelled out “You’re fired” and unfortunately a couple of President Cabarro’s body guards thought he said “Fire” and then all hell broke loose and after the gun smoke cleared both of President Trumps’s secret servicemen were in the hospital and the president and Press Secretary Hannibal were in a Mexico City jail.  That’s all I know so far.

Now I know all of you want to jump in your cars and head down to Mexico with your guns.  The president has asked me to tell you to stay calm.  He has also asked me to instruct the Secretary of Defense to amass the First and Second Armies along the border.  The president is running out of cell phone charge, so he asked me to pass this information along.  My cell phone battery is running low too, so If you wouldn’t mind Mr. Secretary, please inform the Joint Chiefs of Staff of this request.  The president is confident once the Mexican government sees the potential smack down they are about to get from our men in uniform, they will release him.  He’s pretty sure they’ll remember what happened back in 1846.  Of course if our boys do end up invading Mexico they might have some trouble getting over that wall.  I suppose if worse comes to worse they’ll just have to blast a hole in it.  Man I hope I’m not the one that has to explain that to President Trump.

So everyone, stay home!  We all know you have the guns to do the job, but let’s leave this one to the U.S. Army.  We don’t want things to get out of hand like they did last month.  You know how people blow everything out of proportion.  It’s ridiculous.  If I hear one more complainer say “Now our mass shootings are taking place at mass,” I swear I will shoot them myself.  Sure that gunfight that broke out in St. Patricks’s Cathedral gave our new amendment a black eye, but remember now it’s normal people like us doing the shooting, not all those crazy people.  Who knew the Irish take their Notre Dame football so seriously.

OK!  I think we are all on the same page.  Let’s calm down and holster up.  We have nothing to fear but fear itself- FDR.  And now that we all have our guns, what in the world are we afraid of?  Good night and God bless America.

 

Authors Note:  4 out of 5 people that liked this post also liked “Pre-Class Reunion” (May 2015) and “Female Final Four” (February 2015).  These people also consider the one guy that didn’t like these posts to be a big prick.  Also, 5 out of 5 of these people hated everything else on this site.  They can all just kiss my ass.

Snow Job

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I’ve always been hesitant to buy a snow blower.  For one thing I have a storage problem.  The available space in my single car garage is gradually becoming unavailable.  So I have a big debate with myself about spending money on one every winter.   What it’s come down to is a poker game between me and Mother Nature.  The way I figure it, I win the longer I can put off the expense.  The x factor of the equation is inches of snow per season.  As long as I’m not dealing with an avalanche of snow during the winter, I don’t mind shoveling a few times a year.  And if I decide to gamble the other way and finally purchase a snow blower, and that particular winter sets a five year record for snow fall, in my mind I will have cashed in on a double-downed bet.

My little game of chance has been going on for about eight years now.  That’s about how long I’ve been dealing with the osteoarthritis that has been invading various nooks and crannies of my skeletal structure.  That’s one of the reasons I don’t mind shoveling a few inches of snow, at least up to this point.  You need to get some movement going to keep your joints from freezing up.  No doubt I can stand the work out.  I sit around on my ass all day typing up shit like this.  Some days the only exercise I get is opening and closing the refrigerator door.  Real men don’t need snow blowers.  All my neighbors have one, but to me when they get all show-offie with their machines, if it’s not a validation of self coddling, it is at least a display of hubris.  I generally don’t go for that sort of thing.

Sure there’s the argument that having a snow blower around would save me time.  But right there is maybe the main reason I don’t need one.  Saving time might be important if I had important stuff to do, like go to work.  But I’m retired.  I have no place I have to be.   It’s THE perk of retirement, the life style advantage to which all others are measured. If it snows a foot, big deal. I have all day, all week, to shovel what I need to shovel. The city ordinance about getting the snow removed from a street-side sidewalk does not apply to me because I don’t have a street-side sidewalk. When my wife and I bought this house 43 years ago that was something we did not give the slightest thought to. Sometimes life just works out.

I don’t mind telling you I have been taking Mother Nature to the cleaners.  In the past seven years Omaha has had only one  winter weather event that has produced more than eight inches of snow.  Typically we get a couple of bouts of two to five inches, a few dustings, and that’s about it.  We used to get a lot more winter precipitation, if I remember right.  No doubt what’s happening lately has something to do with climate change.  But five days ago some very ominous weather reports started rolling in.  Three days later I received confirmation from every TV weatherman that the snow storm moving in from the west was going to be a doozie, a virtual white armageddon.  Driving around in my car, radio station KRAP informed me I was going to get at least a foot of snow dumped on my driveway.  I bounced from one of my pre-selected radio stations to another hoping that at least one of them would just keep playing the 60’s music that I had pre-selected them to play, so I could stop thinking about all the shoveling I might have to do.  But every disk jockey was saying the same thing.  Get to the grocery store and stock up.  You won’t be able leave your house for a week so it wouldn’t hurt to check and make sure you have enough of your prescription meds on hand.  .  Better pick up some bottled water because there’s a good chance your pipes will freeze once the power goes out.  Also you might want to drop by church real quick and say a little prayer that you don’t have a heart attack because there’s just no way an ambulance is going to be able to get to you.  Whatever you do don’t go outside and shovel.  You’ll have a heart attack.

So I decided it was time to cash in my chips.  I was certain Mother Nature wasn’t bluffing this time.  I went out and bought a Snow Buster 5000, smugly confident I had outfoxed my opponent once again with my purchase.  The full house of a storm she was about to throw down would be no match for my Snow Buster 5000 royal flush I was going to surprise her with.

There is one thing about my Snow Buster 5000 that is of an inconvenient nature.  It’s heavy.  I made the mistake of removing it from my SUV by myself and tore the flesh away from my shin bone and crushed the small toe on my left foot in the process. I’ll probably lose that nail.  But after filling my Snow Buster 5000 with gas I was confident I was ready for whatever Mother Nature was going to deposit on my driveway overnight.

The next morning what greeted me was not Mother Nature’s wrath, but rather a thumb-nosing mockery- an inch of snow.  Geezuz I can take care of that with my leaf blower, which besides my snow shovel is what I used because my fucking Snow Buster 5000 won’t start.  I could have easily made it through another season without the god damned thing.  You stupid bastard  weathermen can just stick your fancy doppler radar up your ass.  I know you think your incompetence can be easily glossed over by reminding us how lucky we were to have avoided your forecasts,  but I would like to point out your forecasts were the reason I took a personal bitch slapping from Mother Nature.  The least one of you could do is take this piece of shit Snow Blaster 5000 off my hands.

Snow Thrower Isolated on White Background                                       Layer 1@2x

Show Room Snow Blaster 5000                                      My Snow Blaster 5000

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Time Passages

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I am pretty close to entering the seventh decade of my life.  I am retired too, and so I have a lot of time on my hands to reflect on lots of stuff.  You’re probably too young to have the deep thoughts I have and don’t give a shit about the existential conundrums of life.  So many things are perplexing to me.  Does God really exist?  If there is a God who is the creator of all things, is He sorry about Donald Trump?   Is there life after death?  Are there marshmallows in heaven?  I hope not.  I don’t like marshmallows.  How will I die, like am I going to suddenly drop over from a ruptured  aortic aneurysm with my life’s blood detouring any which way it pleases inside of me till I lose consciousness?   Or will I linger relentlessly in a hospital bed with cancer cells migrating from one organ to another till my insides are just a compressed mass of unrecognizable cell clutter that eventually leads to a grizzly implosion and merciful death?  I’m a registered organ donor, but what a waste that would be if all my organs are enveloped in a neoplastic goo.  That would ordinarily really piss me off, but I’ll  be dead so I guess I won’t worry about it.  So to anyone out there that might have benefitted from one of my fantastic organs if those nasty cancer cells had stayed away and bothered somebody else, just know I tried to help you out.  Now a large vessel stroke would really chap my ass.  A paralyzing stroke or any type of major central nervous system incapacitation  would be the worst.  You just sit around and get in everybody’s way for a really long time before you check out.   I’d probably have to have someone hanging out to feed me and change my diapers.  I hate being dependent on anybody, because anybody is always fucking up my life.

Take the douchenozzles that set my countertop and laid the tile during my kitchen remodel.  I suppose you could forgive them if they couldn’t spell the word “clearance,” but you would think they would have an understanding of its concept, like how far from the floor should the countertop be to fit a dishwasher underneath, or how many lateral inches should be allowed to accommodate the sink.  I made the mistake of counting on them to have a grasp of those basics.  And then there’s the guy who called himself a carpenter that framed out one side of my bathroom door a solid inch out of alignment with the other during my bathroom remodel.  In the long run it’s just better to do the job yourself.  That’s what I’ve learned.  But there isn’t enough time.  We all know that.  If I had the time maybe I would take an on-line course in dentistry.  Then instead  of having to go back to my dentist to have him replace that filling that he just installed in my last  upper right molar two days ago I could just take care of it myself.  Time.  Just not enough time.

So I’ve been watching time go by.  I’ve been watching time go by and taking a look at it to see how I am doing.  We all measure that differently.  Some people go to church a lot to help them figure it out.  Others go through their check book ledger and take a gander at expenses or all the charities they’ve contributed to, or legal fees they’ve had to pay.  Some check out their stock portfolio.  You know how I keep track of the passage of time?  I’ll show you.

IMG_2293 (1)      IMG_2276 (1)     IMG_2277 (1)    IMG_2278  IMG_2279   IMG_2280

1947- circa 2003       2003-2008         2008 -2012        2012-2015      2015-2016          2016—-?

These are my maintenance prescription meds that I take daily.   They are all lined up on my dresser, like soldiers standing at attention, and  I have watched with some alarm as new recruits seem to be mustered into their ranks within an increasingly compressed amount of time.  And that doesn’t take into account the shit that went down in October of 2012.  In medication bottle termsIMG_2281 (1), it looked like this:

Confusing, I know.  Here my bottles look like a bunch of drunken sailors, which is not far off the mark, because in October of 2012 I had total knee replacement surgery.  That involved taking a lot of narcotics and muscle relaxants and sedatives and for three or four days it was easier to just throw everything haphazardly into my night stand drawer and hope when the time arrived to ingest a dose of something,  my eyes could focus sharply enough to help my brain direct my hand to the proper something.   And if you’re thinking of breaking into my house because you would like to get your hands on all the left-over narcotics I never used, I hate to tell you you would be wasting your time.  You’ll have to go to the Omaha landfill to find them.  If you’re interested, they’re in a baggie with a quarter cup of coffee grounds, an ounce of water and a piece of moldy havarti.

If you look carefully at my prescription bottle time-line, you will notice a straggler falling out of formation in the picture at the right.  That one bothers me.  It’s my newest recruit and I am extremely hesitant to push it forward in rank with the others I insert in different ways inside my body.  It’s a statin, a cholesterol lowering medication that for the past two years I have managed to convince my primary care physician I don’t need.  I still believe my recent, uncooperative LDL levels are temporary.  In my mind It’s all simply the result of some over enthusiastic mouth banging of anything that ended up on my plate during our month-long holiday gormandizing orgy I call glutton-fest.  However, my attempt at a quick fix this January evidently was unsuccessful.  Oral cramming for a week prior to my physical exam on Kentucky blue-grass salad and boiled cabbage didn’t produce the lipid results my physician was looking for.  So according to him, it’s a statin or a potential heart attack or stroke.

I’m ok with a heart attack.  Maybe I’d go out quickly.  Hardly know what hit me.  But stroke?  No, no. no.  You know how I feel about that.  But damn it- the side effects of a statin.  I’m already achy enough.  And you’ve got your head up your ass if you think I’ll stop drinking scotch.  Then, once again, what does my doctor really know.  Maybe he’s just another anybody I should think twice about becoming dependent on.  I should probably take a stand.  As general and leader of my army of prescription bottles, maybe it is time to incite it to insurrection and revolt.  I’m running out of counter space.  On the other hand, my doctor and all his questionable statistics could be right.  If that’s the case I guess I would be better off doing as he says so I can put off running out of what I am beginning to appreciate more and more each day- time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beyond Oregon

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I don’t understand.  Some doofuses decided it was a good idea to execute an armed takeover of a bird sanctuary in Oregon?  Does that make any sense?  Does anyone know what is going on here, besides a bunch of good ol’ boy’s desire to show off their shiny new rifles they bought themselves for Christmas?  That just pisses me off, especially since the ringleader of this “militia” is a son of Cliven Bundy.  What a stupid shit he is.  What the heck is going on here.  I guess I’ll have to waste a good chunk of my valuable time and get to the bottom of this.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/01/04/the-mysterious-fires-that-led-to-the-bundy-clans-oregon-standoff/

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OK,  I’m back.  I studied up on this.  But in the meantime so much more has happened in the realm of gun control futility that I can’t control myself.  We’ve got this bird refuge thing going on,  the president was on TV explaining his executive order that will finally at least do something about our gun chaos, and we are greeted by the news that there are already over 500 gun related murders in the U.S. this year and we have only just entered week three.  I apologize to all who are thinking about continuing to read this.  I am overly passionate about this subject and I know this blog is way too long.  You will probably have to get yourself a snack half way through.  You surely have better things to do with your time.  That’s the point.  I don’t.  When I get incensed, I just keep typing.

There are so many things that are interwoven here that just piss me off.  Before anyone thinks I’m a liberal hell bent on taking away everyone’s guns, let me put that idea to rest.  I seriously don’t give a shit if you own a rifle if you use it for hunting.  No one cares. I used to hunt myself.  I will say I am not a big advocate of keeping a hand gun around the house, but if you feel more secure doing so, I am perfectly fine with it.  I am however not a fan of open or concealed carry.  I think we are just asking for trouble if we have the general population walking around carrying heat.  I worked as a retail pharmacist my entire working life.  If you knew how many people walked into my pharmacy on a daily basis that had “potentially unhinged” written on everything about them except their medical record, not to mention those stamped certifiably wacko, I would have to think you would also have second thoughts about passing out hand guns haphazardly. During the thirty years I worked as a pharmacist at my first place of employment, there were two armed robberies.  I had the distressing experience of having a pistol pointed directly at me during one of them.  In both situations, everyone involved was extremely grateful there was no one around to escalate the drama by pulling out a handgun of their own.   Both perpetrators were apprehended.  My only regret is that they were never given an appropriately long prison sentence for using a hand gun to commit a crime.

There have been several alarming road rage incidents ending in gun tragedy, and there is no doubt in my mind we are headed for an old fashioned wild west shoot out in some busy restaurant or night club one day if enough people subscribe to unbridled gun possession.  But laws in an overwhelming majority of our states have been passed allowing this, so like most I am stuck trying to remind myself to be fastidiously observant to suspicious looking characters as I walk down the street.  It’s the law- how all that happened I don’t know- but it is the law and so I shall learn to live with it.  And please, all you 2nd amendment paranoids out there.  No one is going to take your guns away from you.  Have you any idea how stupid that sounds.  How in the hell would any agency be able to confiscate three hundred million of anything?  That should not be any kind of worry, unless your intent is criminal or you happen to be crazy.

Happy hunter            42                Man with Rifle and Beer

No Problem                                       Might be a Problem                  Definitely a Problem

Which brings me to point number one that has so recently triggered my anger.  Crazy people should not have guns.  Even the NRA agrees with that. Or did. “Guns don’t kill- people do” is their mantra.  Unserved citizens with mental health issues is the definitive argument  the NRA always, underline always, defers to whenever a gun tragedy occurs in this country, or at least it has been in the past.  So what is the big issue the gun lobby objects to in President Obama’s just announced executive action?  A mental health provision.  Before the executive order, the gun  lobby’s position was always get guns out of the hands of the mentally disturbed.  Now, any medical reporting about the state of an elderly person’s mental health is an invasion of privacy.  Where in the world are we supposed to start?  If my doctor believes I am coming unhinged, I don’t care who he notifies, Social Security, state Health and Human Services, relatives, it doesn’t matter.   If I appear to be  a danger to myself or others, someone, somewhere should be following up and probably be taking my gun away from me, if I had one.  Which I don’t.   But under the circumstance I would not care if someone gets nosey.  There’s an appeals provision anyway.  Sure it’s probably a violation of earlier HIPAA rules, but for god’s sake we have to start somewhere.  What in the hell does the NRA want?  If I am a danger to society, society’s right to not get shot would, you would think,  take precedent over the precious right to bear arms.

And this Bundy business, come on!  Best case scenario concerning the Hammonds is they fucked up and let a fire get out of control.  Then the punishment probably does not fit the crime, but they can appeal.   Maybe prosecuting this case under counterterrorism law  was federal overreach, but the Bundy’s and their militia have once again defined overreach.  Over 33,000 gun deaths a year is certainly the 2nd amendment’s embarrassing failure to protect the public, but these clowns threatening the federal government with their macho display of gun worship is, contrary to what they believe, exactly what gives the 2nd amendment a black eye.  Sure, one of the reasons the 2nd amendment was drafted by our founding fathers was to provide regular citizens the recourse of armed insurrection in the event  government is deemed tyrannical by the majority. But this is another one of those outdated considerations of this amendment.https://www.quora.com/Second-Amendment/Would-gun-ownership-really-allow-people-to-fight-back-against-their-own-oppressive-government.  Nonetheless, people like the Bundy’s fall back on this interpretation to try and bully a path to their demands.  And I think if you research the demands of most of the morons participating in these types of armed insurrection, underneath it all you will find their demands are basically self serving attempts to avoid personal responsibility, like repaying loans, paying taxes and legally assessed fines and fees.  Cliven Bundy still has a million dollars worth of unpaid grazing fees.  God damn it that makes me mad.  These are the kind of dim wits that should be prosecuted under counterterrorism laws.

http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/meet-the-militia-the-zealots-cowboys-and-rogue-infidels-of-the-oregon-insurgency-20160107?utm_source=tumblr&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=meet%20oregon%20militia

The younger Bundy, Ammon, an Arizonian who is behind most of the Oregon stink-up, has no problem availing himself to a half million dollar loan from the federal government’s SBA program, and he and/or his family members have undoubtedly partaken in many handouts the government generously extends to ranchers in our country http://usuncut.com/news/5-government-handouts-bundys-receive/.  The Hammond’s don’t appear to know what in God’s name Ammon is doing all the way up in Oregon anyway.  Kind of looks like they’d rather go to jail than deal with a Bundy.  It seems one of the armed protester’s demands is an insistence that the government return all federal lands to their original, rightful owners.  The group is not sure who that is.  It could be this guy or that guy.  If they bothered to think that through, that would be the people below.

gn_01649b                                                     Geronimo, Native American leader of the Chiricahua Apache with rifle

This Guy (Oregon)                                  That Guy (Arizona/Nevada)

I seriously doubt that is the intention they have in mind.

All this supposed tyranny is going on by the government, when possibly the most tyrannical aspect of this armed takeover is suppression of the rights of us normal citizens not participating in this armed fiasco.  It might sound trivial, but I like watching birds.  Bundy, you’re fucking that up for the rest of us.  This bird sanctuary is actually a pretty important habitat for a number of migratory birds http://www.upworthy.com/these-photos-show-why-the-land-currently-occupied-by-armed-ranchers-is-protected?c=ufb1.  Ammon, for Pete sakes go home and mind your own business.  You need to apply yourself to paying off that half million dollar loan.

How about all the Republican presidential candidates and members of congress getting all bent out of shape over Obama’s executive order.  I would like to see how empty the halls of congress get if the decision was ever made to remove the metal detector from their building.  Remember, Ammon Bundy hates you.  If that did happen, maybe congress would invoke the Trump rule.  Stop all gun sales till we figure out what the hell is going on.

 

 

 

 

 

Guns Continued

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There is a lot of shit going on lately that pisses me off.  So much blog fodder.  You probably figured out what is coming here if you’ve been watching the news.  It’s  gun issues again.   I can’t help myself.  I just don’t get why sensible steps to control gun violence are met with so much resistance.  I really feel the sale of guns should have the same, local, state, and federal supervision that is required for drug sales.  Unrestricted internet and gun show sales should not be allowed.  Objection to common sense proposals just incense me.  So once again I wrote another blog that deals with guns, one that is way too long and is adorned with way too many links.  This isn’t it.  My lengthy one is so long I decided to break off a small segment and post it here.  I will finish up the other one and post it next week.  The subject I am posting here is so insulting I just have to get it off my chest now.

Fox news. Andrea Tantaros and Meghan McCain. Where do they get these people?  They, among others at Fox news, accused President Obama of displaying tears of the crocodile strain as he recollected the slaughter of first graders at Sandy Hook https://www.rawstory.com/2016/01/fox-host-president-obama-put-a-raw-onion-in-his-podium-so-he-could-cry-fake-tears-for-kids-killed-by-guns/

Holy shit even I was tearing up when the president mentioned that harrowing incident. In fact, you mention any kind of death of a seven year old and I get choked up. You have to expect this kind of bullshit from Sean Hannity, but these are women, I believe. Generally that gender produces our more sensitive and caring types. WTF is wrong with these stupid bitches. It’s clear from their statements these women can’t possibly have children of their own. I guess that’s the one positive thing we can conclude from their insensitive remarks. Andrea and Meghan. Please don’t let your birth control prescriptions lapse. As souless as you are, extracting any parenting skills, let alone any emotion except enmity, out of your cold, black hearts would seem to be such an impossibility you would pose a danger to your prodigy.

 

 

 

 

 

Second Amendment Sanity

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If you recall, when I left off my friend and neighbor Farhad and I were both absorbed in the task of solving one of our country’s most perplexing problems- how not to get shot. We decided we need some nice gun-restricted space.  See my previous blog “San Bernardino” if you are interested.  We have progressed through initial planning and haven’t worked out all the details quite yet, but we think we are getting a handle on things.  Starting us off in the right direction is the name for our program.  We think it’s pretty catchy.  It is called Second Amendment Sanity.  SAS is the logical acronym, which should not be confused with ASA, the chemical abbreviation for aspirin (acetylsalicylic acid in case your are confused) which works pretty well for headaches but won’t give you a lot of pain relief if you get shot.

Here are the basic steps we think will be required to provide us with an environment of gun-restricted space.  The list is kind of long, but if you pay attention, no doubt you will realize our logic is unflawed.

The first thing is a petition.  We need to get that going.  I’m not sure how you go about that, but I will google it.  Can’t be too hard.  That google business.  I wish I would have thought that up.  Everybody’s using it, but I thought I heard somewhere it’s not going to be called google anymore.  That might fuck me up.

The next thing we need is the space.  Farhad’s original thought was a city ordinance in Omaha.  No guns in Omaha.  That’s the way he would really like to go.  Check your guns as soon as you cross into city limits, like you saw in the movie “Unforgiven.” Gene Hackman really laid a beat down on Richard Harris and Clint Eastwood for noncompliance of that statute.  We don’t want shit like that to go down.   I had to tell Farhad he was off the beam here, but not because Gene Hackman might show up and go ballistic   It was because Farhad wasn’t seeing the big picture.  Omaha is all filled up.  There is no doubt in my mind this thing is really going to catch on and we are going to need a much bigger space, for new housing and such.  I finally convinced Farhad we might as well go long and zone the entire state of Nebraska.  There are a couple of logical reasons to do so.

First of all, there’s that tricky legal business.  We need some laws passed, and since our U.S. congress can’t seem to get its shit together on gun control, we need the accommodation of a state legislature, and we need a state legislature that has the balls to tell the NRA leadership to stick all their guns up their asses.  It’s a long shot in a conservative state like Nebraska I know, but Nebraska has something not going for it that all the other states do- two legislative bodies.  Nebraska has a unicameral.  There’s no shifting responsibly back and forth between a senate and a house.  All the bickering gets done in one place so they can’t pass the buck off to another school of spineless jellyfish.  Another possibility is Hawaii. Hardly anyone in that state owns a gun anyway, so overcoming 2nd amendment paranoia would be less problematic. If worse comes to worse, Farhad and I would have no problem relocating to Hawaii. That move would certainly have a sweet side to it. Sandy beaches and hula girls. Whoa baby!  My kids are all grown up and on their own, so my wife and I have been downsizing anyway. Farhad has two teenagers that are a little sensitive about all the school site harassment they get over their religion, so he figures the move might be advantageous. So we might get a petition drive going over there too.

Female agriculture farmer success                                      Woman in hawaii costume drink juice.

———-GOOD————-                                         ——BETTER——-

Then we have to secure our borders.  I don’t think we have to go nuts on this and build a gigantic wall around the entire state of Nebraska or anything.  Farhad and I have both seen how slick state patrol monitoring operates on our western border.  We are pretty sure regular policing with that agency will work out nicely.  That seems to be the case with marijuana possession anyway.   You ought to see all the cars frantically pulling off to the shoulder of Interstate 80 when their drivers are suddenly confronted by the big “Canine Patrol Ahead” sign that greets Nebraska visitors coming across the Colorado/Nebraska state line.

Depositphotos_10600799_s-2015                                                      Officer With Trained Dog Smelling The Bag

A Day in a Park                                                           A Night in a Jail

But Farhad and I really don’t care about restricting marijuana.  The intent of our plan is to make sure what you don’t posses in our gun-restricted space is a hand gun or assault rifle.  So here we go with the trickiest part of the whole deal.

I am sorry, but the second amendment needs a serious revisit.  That thing has been collecting cobwebs for over two centuries.  There is no doubt in my mind that if our founding fathers, during the process of drafting the second amendment,  had been able to foresee the savage mayhem created by the current gun culture of this country, they would have utilized all of their collective wisdom and devoted a significantly more number of words, paragraphs, and attention to detail to it than that which exists in its original twenty seven word, one sentence form.  When that first session of congress threw the second amendment down on paper it was as if they were in a big hurry to leave the city of New York and get home.  Actually, they kind of were.  New York was  a shit hole at the time I guess.  I think if they were around today they would admit they should have spent a little more time on it.  In fact, had James Madison seen this coming when he first proposed the Bill of Rights, he would have made sure the only future ambiguity involved in the second amendment would be the sorting out of all the specifics of its entangled legalese.

If our founding fathers were around today, here are some specifics of our gun-restricted space that they would not only consider constitutional, but that probably would convince most to pack their bags and relocate to our space.

Hand guns and assault rifles- sorry, but if you have one or ten of these, tough shit.  You have to give them up.  What our founding fathers would make clear in no uncertain terms is any firearm manufactured for the sole intent of killing people will be a  prohibited possession of the general civilian population.  In the case of a hand gun, that intent may not have been something original, but that is the intent to which it has evolved. Look up the crime statistics yourself if you don’t believe me.  And I know what you’re thinking.  What about self defense?  It’s always nice to be able to shoot somebody if he breaks into your house.  Well that’s the beauty of our gun-restricted space.  You can’t have a hand gun, but neither can the intruder. You should be able to take care of him with a Louisville Slugger.  Go  to the park and hit a few fungos.  You’ll get the hang of it.

In the case of an assault rifle, killing people is its original intent, period.   Therefore, hand guns and assault rifles shall be retained by trained, enrolled law enforcement and military personnel only.  Shooting people is part of their job description, not yours.  And you should know blatant, unrestrained use of firearms by law enforcement will not be tolerated in our gun-restricted space.  But you should also know  that if you point a hand gun or assault rifle at a police officer, expect the worst.  In the interest of fairness, should you own these types of firearms,  we will have a buy-back program in place.  We aren’t total assholes.

Then we have to deal with hunting rifles.  It’s a large gray area we have to narrow down.  They are supposed to be used for hunting game.  I have lost interest, but at one time I even liked to hunt.  I understand the attraction.   But sometimes hunting rifles are used to shoot people.   That is a very sadistically twisted intent of their use.  Once again I defer to our founding fathers.  By way of helping everyone understand why our founding fathers left so much ambiguity within the second amendment when it was transcribed, take a look at the examples below.

Royal Guardsman during the re-enactment of the War of Succession                                          rifle and pistol both hands isolated on white

Example Number 1                                                              Example Number 2

Of the two examples above, which one represents the person best equipped to conduct a   psychotically induced shooting rampage in a busy shopping mall?  Of course.  Number 2.  No brainer.  About all that our founding fathers knew concerning rifles is what you see in example Number 1.  If they would have had any inkling of what would transpire in firearms development they would have shit their capri pants.  So there’s our solution.  You will be able to own a rifle for hunting, but only if it is classified as a muzzle loader.  All that dicking around with a ramrod and wadding is just the safe way to go.  Your aunt Sally could take out almost anyone in the process of reloading a muzzle loader in a shopping mall with a good swing of her purse.  So for game hunting, it’s a muzzle loader. It’s what our founding fathers intended.  That’s it.  No exceptions.  Farhad and I are through pissing around with this.  We both also think this regulation will provide a more level playing field for the hunted.  It makes the whole experience more sporting.

Finally, the punishment for possession of a hand gun will be a 50 year prison sentence plus a gun shot in the hand.  Should you posses an assault rifle, punishment for that will be wherever the bullets end up in you after confiscation.

I know the list of prohibited firearms seems overly restrictive, but that’s just the way it’s got to be.  Just like people who want their firearms, there are people like us who don’t.  We deserve the right to live where there are zero or limited firearms, just like others deserve the right to live where they can get shot.  We aren’t saying you can’t have all those guns.  We are just saying you can’t have all those guns in our gun-restricted space.  You simply need to go away to some other space.  Texas has a bunch of space reserved just for you, and if you are really into getting shot, there is an extremely favorable chance Louisiana and Mississippi will work out nicely for you.http://247wallst.com/special-report/2015/06/10/10-states-with-the-most-gun-violence/4/

Well there you have it. That’s our SAS program in a nutshell.  If you are inclined to live your life in a less anxious state, I suggest you support our SAS initiative. Farad is working on our petition at this very moment. He has three computers all networked in his house.  I think I’ll pop over and see how it’s going.  That son of a bitch is a computer genius.

 

 

San Bernardino

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Home of the brave?  Not so sure.  Looks to me like we are becoming the home of the scaredy cats.  I’ll be the first to admit all the mass shootings going on make me a little jumpy.  That San Bernardino business has to make you wonder if those crazy bastards blowing shit up and mowing people down overseas haven’t decided to move their entertainment venues onto  our more ostentatiously fertile shores once again. We are the land of conspicuous consumption and instantaneous gratification after all, and I think that really bothers them.  But contrary to what you hear it’s not because they consider all the superficial materialism abhorrent..  My theory is they are obsessively jealous over it.  Religious extremism has little to do with religion.  It’s about power.   And I think those looney jihadists calling for a reestablishment of a caliphate like to dwell in the past. They want to bring back what they once had, like lots of superficial materialism.  Muslims ruled much of the civilized world during a good portion of the first millennium.  As I understand the Muslim past, an increasing entrenchment in culturally restrictive religious practices resulted in excessively exclusive institutions and sets of laws that ultimately led to the Muslim world’s inability to keep pace in the industrialized world.  I think I did a pretty good job compressing centuries of history into one sentence.  In the end it all came apart for the last caliphate when leadership decided to back the wrong side during World War I.  Goodby Ottoman Empire.

My friend and neighbor Farhad could not give a shit about the Ottoman Empire.  He is a Muslim and loves his Islamic religion, in a regular, religious way.  He goes nuts with all the kneeling down and praying, like a gazillion times a day.  It makes me feel like shit.  I only get around to that once a week, if I’m lucky.  That happens on Sunday, like normal, but usually it’s more of a plea to let the Packers score so they cover the point spread.  And Farhad really likes the Huskers.  He’ll drop over sometimes and watch a football game with me, but only for a short time.  Then he disappears because he has to go home and pray again.

————Muslim Praying In Mosque                                                         man sitting on couch

Farhad- during his before meal prayer                  Me- during my 4th quarter field goal try prayer

Farhad and I shoot the shit a lot.  I consider him to be a deep thinker, and even though our religious affiliation couldn’t be more dissimilar, I have found he and I have many other things in common.  One of those things is we’d both like to get through the day without getting shot.  Farhad has an extra burden to bear though.  Besides not wanting to get shot, there likely are some people out there who believe Farhad is going to shoot them.  He worries himself sick.  He is certain all of our neighbors are suspicious of him and think he is up to no good.  During the first conversation he and I had after the San Bernardino catastrophe he turned into an emulsified pudding of psychological despondency right before my eyes.  To bolster his psyche, I told him what I always tell him.  I start off by telling him the truth.  People who are intelligent and generally observant at all understand the odds of getting shot by a Muslim are fractional compared to getting shot by a  plain old white American, probably with some distinct but little practiced form of Christianity as a religious background.   I mention that I am certainly not afraid of him, and anyone who knows him is not afraid of him.  Hell, he won’t even let his kids play with water-guns, and in fact he is terrified of anything potentially explosive.  Because he is so deathly afraid of guns, I skip over the fact that I am more concerned about the three white Christians in my neighborhood who go out of their way to brag about the arsenal of weapons they have at their disposal.  One of them lives across the street and proudly professed to me one day this summer that he has a firearm of some sort in every room of his house, all of them lying around unsecured.  He said he always wants to be ready, just in case, and he said this to me while he was eyeing Farhad while Farhad was mowing his lawn.

Is this what we have become in this country, so overwhelmed by fear and paranoia we have to have a gun in every room of our house?   It never ceases to amaze me how worked up we get over what is reported as a terrorist attack and who we associate them with, when all the day to day mayhem caused by firearms is considered normal.  What the fuck is wrong with us?  If you ask me all shootings, mass or otherwise, are terrorist attacks.  The two constant components are the same- guns and dead people.

I feel sorry for Farhad.  But I can console him with the fact that getting shot in this country is totally random.  It doesn’t matter if you are a Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Hindu, whatever.  If you extrapolate all the data, each and every one of us are lucky enough to have the same odds of being mowed down by gunfire.  It’s democracy in action.  Well shit, I guess I forgot about the black population.  They are getting picked off at a pretty high clip.  I was kind of fixated on religious preference though.  And that’s how I generally approach my discussion with Farhad when the topic of getting shot comes up.  It seems to calm him down a bit.  Geezuz I forgot about Baptists too.  I don’t know this for a fact, but I think most blacks are Baptists.  That might skewer the data a bit.

Anyway Farad and I are in total agreement that something has to be done. Congress has been sitting around with their heads up their asses way too long.  We shouldn’t have to have second thoughts about going to a movie or shopping mall, or ball game, or a church, mosque or synagogue.  Or anyplace.  So he and I are working on our safe place, a place as gun-free as possible.  He’s home in front of his PC sifting through information about gun violence and the second amendment right now.  That son of a bitch is a computer dynamo.  He’s always dicking around with a computer, or worrying, or praying.  He has a really hot wife and to lighten things up sometimes I like to  tell him that instead of all the praying, he might find  some timely corn grinding to be more relaxing.  And she always has a snack for me whenever I go over there.  As a matter of fact that’s where I am headed in a couple of minutes.  I’m going to see how Farhad is doing with his research.  Maybe I’ll get lucky and snag some baba ghanoush.  I don’t know what’s all in that stuff but I will say it is pretty darn tasty.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CRUZing

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I was a little nervous at first, after Ted Cruz made his big announcement.  He knows for a fact Democrats commit more crimes of violence, like way way more, than Republicans. http://www.politicususa.com/2015/11/30/ted-cruz-completely-insane-claims-democrats-commit-violent-crimes.html.  I’m a Democrat, I think.  Or at least I have voted for the Democratic presidential candidate lately.  And after thinking about what Ted Cruz said, I started to worry a little bit.  Just the other day when the Packers lost another game I was really, really pissed.  I mean really.  I was seriously thinking about sending a hate letter to Aaron Rodgers and giving him a piece of my mind.  But then I had second thoughts and realized I really should be sending my hate letter to the entire offensive line. Their protection was leaking like a sieve and he was getting clobbered.   I was going to tell them how much they sucked, but again I stopped myself.  I was suddenly struck by how out of control all my hatred had become.  It had escalated from hating one guy to hating six guys.  I counted the tight end too.  I know he’s not really an offensive lineman, but I thought he was doing a pretty shitty job as well, so I threw him in the mix.  So there you go.  You can see how I would be concerned.  This is so unlike me.  At least when I’m sober.  I didn’t reach the point where I wanted to go out a buy a gun or anything, but still.  Maybe Ted is onto something.

Depositphotos_35650171_s-2015     CRUZing OUR AMERICAN POLITICAL PARTIES  Fat angry man

REPUBLICAN                                                                                                           DEMOCRAT

That all happened last week.  Today I just remembered something.  I’m a Republican!  At least I should qualify as a Republican in Ted Cruz’s eyes because I am officially registered as a member of that party.  I rarely admit that, but that’s how it all went down back when I first voted.  Why I did that is a long story.  For now let’s just say I made a mistake.  But the fact remains every time I go to vote, there I am, listed as a Republican.  It’s kind of amazing to me how that keeps following me around.  Should I be worried about that?  I know I should go somewhere or get online or something and change things around.  But the simple fact is it just doesn’t matter, I don’t think.  I’m really not a Democrat either.  I have problems with both parties.  I guess I could register as an Independent, but it seems like the end doesn’t justify the means since everything is working out fine for me at the voting booth anyway.  I suppose there is that tiny, remote possibility I could fuck over some poor Democrat that ends up loosing in a primary by one vote because I didn’t get the correct party ballot.  Let’s not go there.  The point here is I am sort of a Democrat disguised as a Republican, safe from Ted Cruz’s scrutiny but thanks to Ted Cruz wondering if I am safe from myself.  Who knows when I might pull out a screw-driver and attack someone. Or I might use my rubber mallet.  It’s pretty big.  Here’s a picture of some things laying around my house I might be able to hurt you with.  I know because I have hurt myself with all this stuff.  And this is just a short list.  Some close calls I’ve had with lawn and garden equipment come to mind as well.  IMG_2232

I was kind of bothered about all of this so I started making a few phone calls. I figured anyone who has been in jail at some point in their lives would be able to help me out.   The best I could come up with were acquaintances of mine who got hauled in for DUI when they were in college.  I know that’s actually not a violent crime, unless you happen to be really plastered and cause some horrific accident.  Thankfully that was not the case with my two buddies.  But still they shouldn’t have been driving around.  Anyway I asked them if they remembered filling out a form or something when they were in jail that would document the fact that they were a Republican or a Democrat.  That’s all I really wanted to know.  I figured if you end up in jail all those forms have to be the same, right?  Doesn’t matter if you are in there for shoplifting or assault, the form would be the same.

My friend Bob (below) said he didn’t recall any such question at all, just address and phone number and 60s Game Show Host Wearing An Ugly Sports Coatstuff.  But he did remember right after the sex question he wrote “Last night, if a date with Rosey Palm counts.”  He was always like that, especially when he was tooted.  Unfortunately for him all that scribbling on the form got him cited for defacing county property and he had to spend an extra night in jail.

The other friend I called was Johnny (at right).  I am pretty sure when he got hauled in to jail for DUI when he was in college there was something other than alcohol influencing his Friendly hippie with long hair making peace signdriving.  Back in the 60’s he experimented with anything he could get his hands on, uppers, downers, LSD, PCP, peyote, you name it.  As he recalled, there actually was a question about being a Republican or Democrat, and it came right after the question about being a citizen of Neptune or Saturn.  Then he said he really had to go because he wasn’t feeling too hot and thought that might be related to his snacking on a bad batch of brownies he had recently brought back from Colorado.

Realizing I really wasn’t getting anywhere with my research, I called up Henry (below) an attorney friend of mine,  He emphatically stated there was nothing on any form you would fill out for any crime you committed, violent or non-violent, that would ask you a question about your political Rude manaffiliation.  He then went on to emphatically state what a piece of shit Ted Cruz  was, and that progressed to a savagely hateful tirade about the presidential hopeful that went on so long I had to hang up.  I took that as verification of what I suspected all along, that there is not a politically oriented question on any prison intake form.  From that conversation I also suspected that first, Henry was a Democrat and second, there thus might be something to Ted Cruz’s basic premise that Democrats are more inclined to violence than Republicans.

So it was back to square one.  And actually I am still stuck in that square.  After all my research I figured out one thing though.  The conclusion I arrived at was that this was one more example of the political genius of Ted Cruz.  I’d seen it before (see my July 2015 blog “Trouble in Texas”).  Ted is after all a presidential candidate, and except for Donald Trump those people aspiring to the highest public office in the land don’t go around just making shit up, at least without a motive.  And Ted recognizes opportunity when he sees it.  Fact or fiction what Ted has going for him here is a chance to close the gap he has with Trump in the polls by utilizing one of Trumps own tactics.  To protect our citizenry, Donald Trump  has the Muslim community in his sights to federally surveil, and now I can only conclude Ted Cruz is about ready to unveil his program of surveilling Democrats if he is elected.  And the best part of his plan is he already has a database of registered troublemakers, something Donald Trump has yet to work out.  And the numbers!  No comparison.  You’ve got maybe ten million Muslims in the U.S., but over one hundred million Democrats to select from.  I guess that will require a lot of policing manpower, but just like his tax plan, numbers are of little importance.  What counts is what sounds good at the moment.  Anyway, if you’re a Democrat and in January of 2017 we have Ted Cruz as our president, that funny clicking sound you hear on your cell phone is just Ted listening in.  And as far as my political party registration goes, well I am going to leave well enough alone till the dust settles.  I might as well play it safe.  I have a feeling there will be an irritating cloud of some sort enveloping our political landscape for a very long time.

 

How History Repeats Itself

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We are getting creamed!  ISIS has taken us to the cleaners and it seems the war against them is lost.  This is the United States of America for god’s sakes.  There is not a country on the entire planet that can match our military might.  How can we be taking it in the shorts by a bunch of lunatics living in the 8th century.  Somehow there has to be an explanation.  There is just no way we should be losing any kind of war to any kind of transgressor.

This very scenario is starting to look eerily similar to one that transpired before.  I read about it somewhere, I think it was back in grade school.  I kind of forget.  It might have been high school.  Oh Ya!  I am starting to remember now.  There was this guy who came out of nowhere and took over not only his own country but several surrounding ones.  It was an extraordinary rise to prominence if I remember right, an unparalleled accomplishment in the annals of history.  Here was this guy, with absolutely no  formal qualifications, who somehow slipped through the cracks and took over a political group of extreme nationalists and become their leader.  He was able to capitalize on that coup and become the leader of his entire country by taking to the streets and working up the masses with perplexingly vitriolic speeches about a particular religious group that he felt was responsible for their country’s defeat in a previous war it had recently been involved in.  Do you guys remember this?  I think it all happened back in the mid 20th century.  I just did a little research and I found a picture of this remarkable individual.   Believe it or not, we have a similar rising star right here in America.  He has an amazingly comparable political background and is using amazingly similar acts of fomenting speachafying  to amazingly be tracking politically in the same manner his mid twentieth century mentor did.  I found a picture of him too.

Just so you see where I am coming from, here are those pictures of these two political look-alikes.  Test your knowledge of history and current events and see if you can identify which one of these guys lived back then and the one moving along nicely in U.S. political progression now.images-1     Donald Trump Holds Campaign Rally In Richmond, VA

How did you do?  I kind of gave things away I guess.  Color film developing was pretty labor intensive in the mid 20th century.  Of course the guy in the black and white picture has to be older.  And if you recall in the end things didn’t work out so well for him or his country.  Maybe this other guy will study up on stuff and be able to maneuver history down a different path.  I kind of doubt it though.  History just has a way of repeating itself and I have to tell you this kind of history makes me kind of nervous.

Related:

http://www.smirkingchimp.com/news/64909/donald-trumps-9-11-celebration-claim-widely-disputed

Student Protests Then and Now

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What an interesting development all this campus unrest has created.  So many memories for me.  Ah, the 60’s. and 70’s  Who can forget.  Protests galore.  Vietnam and flag burning.  Selective Service and draft card  burning.  Women’s rights and  bra-burning.   Gay rights.  Civil rights.  Campus rights and rules.  Academic restrictions and practices.  You name it and we were there for the revolt against it.  Compared to today though we were severely handicapped.  What we would have given for all the social media avenues available now.  Only thing is none of it would have done any good anyway on my campus.  All the screaming and shouting and phoning and texting would have lost traction and evaporated like always.  That’s because Creighton University suspended its football program in 1942.

employees group

smiling friends with smartphones in city park

 

 

 

Student Protest 1965       Student Protest 2015

Football rules.  Yale, Princeton- wake up!  You have the blueprint for successful  protesting right before your eyes.  Your rebellions need a serious upgrade.  Get your football team involved like those Missouri students did.  You should know this.  You’re going to school at Yale and Princeton for Pete’s sake.  What was your SAT score anyway?  Same goes with Ithaca College.  Oh shit!  Sorry.  I forgot.  Your football team sucks and you probably hope to keep the limelight off of that dismal bunch.  But Yale and Princeton, come on.  Your guys aren’t doing too badly.   I guess I don’t know for sure if records hovering just above mediocrity fill up your stadiums,  but that Ivy League tradition has to count for something.  I bet just like Missouri your administrators aren’t about to kiss off a million plus bucks by not playing a football game.  I know it’s the Ivy League and maybe contractually a million dollars per game is not exactly the standard that the league signs up for, but if your football team doesn’t show up there has to be some kind of very serious penalty, not to mention the lost revenue and fan hysteria.  You should grab that leverage by the balls and run with it.  You would get what you want before the sun sets.

The power of football is so glaringly obvious I am surprised it has taken this long for someone to utilize it.  Sure there is that ongoing threat of student athletes unionizing, but that shit will be tied up in litigation for years.  The real iron in the fire readily available to strike is not the unionization thing.  It’s simple modern student activism coupled with confusingly germane athletics.  If something is  bothering you, pick up your cell phones and get the word out to your football team.  They’ll give those administrators such a fucking migraine your demands will be boxed up and gift-wrapped and delivered right to your door.

 

Nerd in eyeglasses and bow tie says Hello                                                           Mad Football Player

Student Advocate  1965                                               Student Advocate  2015

The threat of a football game being canceled has so much potential.  Outside of a nuclear bombing,  from my perspective there is nothing in existence that possesses the negotiating leverage of football.  Its attraction is so powerful I think there is a distinct possibility we could harness that energy for the common good.  Every country in the world should have a football team.  And I’m not talking about that soccer shit.  That just won’t fly here.  Well maybe if we want everybody to take a nap it would work out.  I know that sport is huge everywhere except here in the U.S., but believe me if we get everyone on board with American football the sky is the limit.  We’ve already been infiltrating Europe with NFL games  If we are persistent enough we can get the whole world exposed and addicted.  It seems to me we are doing a pretty good job on that front.

When every country finally has its own national football team, the world is bound to be a better place.  If some country feels there’s some kind of shenanigans going on in another county all that needs to be done is to threaten to cancel the upcoming football game.  Dignitaries will be making phone calls and flying all over the place to broker a quick resolution.  And think about it.  If some shit-ball organization like ISIS comes around fuckiing with our football, the entire world will raise up in indignation and exact hell-bent revenge.  This is just one of my really good ideas that I think should be given some serious consideration.