As more details that surround the House impeachment inquiry are revealed, it has emerged that President Trump was so fed up with stories of governmental corruption in Ukraine, he decided it was time to take matters into his own hands and send Energy Secretary Rick Perry to the flailing country to straighten things out.

Spokesperson Kellyanne Conway told reporters that the president’s cabinet is chock-full of members who are exceptionally experienced with corruption, but she personally thinks the president made the best choice.  “Of all the cabinet members I think Rick is the one with the most free time.  His staff gets kind of tired of him constantly asking them if he is supposed to be doing something.”

From all appearances it didn’t take Secretary Perry long to size things up.  Shortly after he  attended  Ukrainian President Zelenskiy’s inauguration, the new government awarded a lucrative gas and oil exploration contract to long time Perry political supporters Michael Bleyzer and Alex Cranberg.  Make Them an Offer They Can’t Refuse

And not about to let opportunity slip him by is Trump personal attorney and self-appointed secretary of state Rudy Giuliani.  With the aid of the local muscle of his cronies Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman, it is rumored Giuliani has carved out a nice slice of Ukrainian energy profiteering pie for himself.  Giuliani Keeps Investigators on Their Toes

“This is a perfect example of how the president is making America great again,” said Conway.  “Those Americans got a sweetheart  gas deal in Ukraine.  They bid millions less for that contract and somehow still managed to rake it in.”  When asked if she thought veiled  threats to withhold U.S. security aid, military weapons, meetings with state officials, or awkward presidential suggestions to join in the frolicking of U.S. politics affected the Ukrainian’s decision making, Conway seemed indignant.  “Everyone knows the president always does what it takes to make the best deals, and if you are implying that there is some kind of nefarious leveraging going on you should be ashamed.  He has no one other than the Attorney General of the United States traveling to foreign countries all over the world explaining how to do things properly.  I am sure the Ukrainians understand by now the president will always keep their best interests in mind when he is considering his best interests.”

In case you missed it and are into corruption, see Trump Junior Book Intrigues Genome Theorists