Last week’s polling results seem to indicate President Trump’s favorability ratings are on the upswing.   Though his Vehemently Enthusiastic numbers slipped 2 percentage points into the Mildly Disappointed range, it would appear that modest decline is offset by the dramatic 12 point shift from the Despondently Suicidal upward to the slightly less unfavorable Mind-numbingly Apathetic.  It is unclear if these polling deviations were due to recent intensive investigative probing or if there is some kind of psychological adaptation occurring.  Those polled were asked to give a response to several questions related to the president’s governing policy, administration, and past and present conduct.  Topics covered included:

Nepotism and related corruption, repetitive failure of administrative officials to complete federal disclosure forms,  Stormy Daniels, cover-up, hush money, rampant cabinet corruption and abuse of power, bloated personal and family travel expenses, Russian involvement in democratic processes, campaign involvement with Russians, obstruction of justice,  personal involvement with Russians,  the Mueller investigation in general, hypocrisy of Asian production of Trump products,  administrative staff turn-over, administrative staff incompetence, ignoring proper personnel vetting processes, Access Hollywood tape, hiring former lobbyists, the Steele dossier,  Karen McDougal, juvenile name-calling and bullying, Steve Bannon, personal “fixer” Michael Cohen, political/personal conflicts of interest, violations of the emoluments clause, refusal to release  tax records, tax evasion, Carl Icahn, condoning insider trading,  admiration of diabolical despots, professional hiring/firing practices, grasp of basic domestic policy, grasp of basic foreign policy, mocking the physically handicapped,  inconsistent Middle East military strategy,  multiple sexual assault allegations, reading competency level, incomprehensible ability to convince white evangelical Christians to abandon Christian principles, understanding of scientific data and inquiry, acceptance of responsibly, Paul Manafort, money laundering, distorting reality, paranoiac criticism of media and law enforcement, obsessive/compulsive television viewing, creepy physical attraction to daughter Ivanka, incoherent rants and tweets, inability to tell the truth, threats against political opponents, threats against common citizens, demonizing minorities, condoning activity of known hate groups, demolishing public safety safeguards, expansion of religious exemptions to anti-discrimination protections, James Comey, undoing expansion of overtime pay,  endangering worker safety, stifling consumer protection agencies and thwarting financial industry safeguards, hypocritical hiring of undocumented workers, concealing White House visitor log, withholding DC Trump hotel documents, Michael Flynn, narcissistic and self-congradulatory rhetoric, multiple bankruptcies, stiffing creditors and contractors, tenant intimidation, housing discrimination, mafia ties, Trump University fraud, inordinate number of golfing excursions, self-dealings of Trump Foundation, estate tax repeal and other tax breaks for the wealthy, misleading the public about who benefits from tax plan, lying about how tax plan affects personal finances, duping the general public by insisting Mexico will pay for a border wall, caving to hedge funds and private equity firms, massive cuts to student aid, allowing big companies to pollute our air and water and otherwise inflict irreparable damage to the natural world.

When people were asked how they were able to extract themselves from the group considering suicide, poll participant Troy Smuckers suggested folks do what he did and enlist the help of a local mental health facility.   “It’s all pretty overwhelming and I came real close,” he said.  “Fortunately I got in touch with Steve at the Trump Help Line downtown and he said what has been helping a lot of people is simply taking a 20 pound sledge hammer and knocking out a wall of their house.  Guess what?  Steve was right!  Now that huge hole in the side of my house is a lot bigger problem then all this fucking bullshit Trump is shit-staining the country with.  Ya. I feel pretty damn good!”

Mr. Smuckers attributes his more positive outlook on life to the purchase of a 20 lb sledge.

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