Lightbart News report by Doug Furr
In an unusual turn of events, many Scottish communities are suddenly worried about the impeachment rumors swirling around President Trump. Only a short time ago the current U.S. president was recognized as the most hated man in Scotland, usurping the position from Edward Longshanks, the most despised man in Scottish history, The infamous achievement was brought about after Mr. Trump started a smear campaign of intimidation in order to bully local residents who objected to the golf course and gaudy clubhouse he built along the beach of the coastal town of Aberdeenshire.
After a recent national poll was taken however, the president fell all the way to third place, behind the aforementioned Longshanks and Phil Oxenbauls, historically rumored to be the person who disemboweled William Wallace. Why the sudden down surge of unpopularity? It all has to do with the economics of Scotland. It seems the diminishment of Mr. Trump’s unfavorable standing correlates to the increases in sales of scotch, the third largest industry in the country. Ever since Donald Trump became president, U.S. sales of scotch have skyrocketed.
I recently paid a visit to Brokenwinde, a peaceful lowland hamlet situated on Scotland’s eastern shore. There I met up with Peter McDooglestein, president and CEO of H. McMac and Company, makers of McMac scotch whiskey. The company has a long history in the alcohol production business. Peter’s great, great grandfather, Hyman McDooglestein, was the first Rabbi to settle in Scotland, and dabbled in Kosher wine making. The business gradually expanded to include the production of scotch, and over time their scotch developed such a prestigious reputation it was decided the company would discontinue peripheral products and concentrate solely on its single malt.
H. McMac Company employs 94 people, almost a third of Brokenwinde’s population. A mere three months ago there were only 37 employees. Peter McDooglestein attributes the increase in hiring and fortune to Donald Trump. Since his inauguration, Peter said that U.S sales of McMac scotch have increased ten-fold. “I got no understandin’ of what that fella’s s up to, but ever since he took over I ken tell ya it’s been real good for me and most of us in Brokenwinde,” he emphatically explained. “I sure hope ye good people keep him on fer awhile. I hear he’s made some trouble, but ye know how it is. Live next to a pig sty and ye git used to the smell of shit after a bit.”
Mention the word “Trump” and Brokenwinde natives often respond with a traditional Scottish salute.
After a tour of his distillery, Peter took me to a local tavern, where I sampled a dram or two of McMac over lunch. It is a fine lowland scotch, with a solid nutty flavor and just a slight, peaty aroma.. I had just finished my last drink, when another, very offensive aroma, came whiffing about. “Don’t ye worry thar me friend,” Peter said with a grin. “That aint yer president come visitin’. I just had the need to have a blow under me kilt.”
Having been back in the states for a couple of weeks, I have to say Peter McDooglestein is at least partly right. A lot of people really have adjusted well to the smell coming from Washington. Does not seem to bother them at all. As for me, I just can’t seem to get past all the stink. I know it’s just me. Just my constitution I suppose. But as one layer of shit after another piles up in the Trump White House the stench is simply becoming personally intolerable.
If you are like me and you find yourself reflexively gagging from the odor emanating from the White House, you might find my solution to the problem useful- McMac scotch. I don’t want to make any promises, but I can tell you it gets me through the day.