As part of his ongoing war to reshape history, Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson is about to achieve unparalleled stature as the most significant political figure of the modern era to insufferably waste everybody’s time.  When it was revealed six books written by Dr. Seuss would be discontinued over concerns about racial insensitivity, Johnson interpreted the decision to be the result of liberal cancel culture, ignoring the fact that it was a corporate decision  of conscience.  As a personal protest,  it has emerged that he will enlist the skills of two local area third graders to spend an entire day on the Senate floor reading all the published works of Dr. Seuss. 

The staged event follows Johnson’s day long recital of the entire stimulus bill being debated currently in the Senate.  When asked if there was any issue on the horizon that was important enough to prevent him from egregiousy abusing Senate rules, he mentioned he was looking into passing a law requiring all Mr. and Mrs. Potatoheads to be properly reintroduced as such and retrofitted with gender specific accouterments.