Are you ready for some FOOTBALL?!  Autumn is close approaching, so it’s that time of year you know.  But are you ready for some FALLOUT?!  Armageddon is just around the bend, so you might want to prepare.  Have you stocked up on bottled water?  How about your basement?  You could be living down there for a bit, so you should think about making it comfortable.  I wouldn’t delay sealing off your basement  windows much longer.   Home Depot is already running out of cinder-block.  Damn I just thought of something.  I don’t have any kind of generator.  It’s football season for Pete sakes. I simply must have ESPN access.  I know for a fact the NFL is not about to let a little nuclear attack interrupt its cash flow.   My big screen is in the basement at least, so I’m in good shape there.  But if my only electric power source is a gas- fired generator, do I have to step outside to fill it up?  Maybe I can trick my wife into taking care of that.

What else should I get?  Of course I need some snacks.  I really like those lime chips.  I want to reserve all my generator output for my TV, so I probably can’t afford the power drain of a refrigerator.  It would be nice to have ice for my scotch, but there are worse things.  Of course I have plenty of scotch on hand.  Geezuz I hope you’re not one of those dumb bastards that’s never prepared for a scotch emergency.  I have a shower in my basement, but I have no idea how long I’ll have running water, so my guess is it could get kind of stinky down there.  Do you think two cases of Febreze will do?  And while I’m on the subject of stink, what about taking a dump?  How do you handle that?  Sure I have a toilet in my basement, but again it’s bound to stop flushing at some point.  I think what is commonly recommended is a bunch of buckets.  So I’ll get some of those. But at some point you have to empty them, right?  Son of a bitch!  I suppose I’ll have to be the one to quick-step outside and take care of that.  It’s just fair.  My wife handles the generator and I take care of the squat buckets.  If you know anything about marriage, a stable one is all about compromise.  Please don’t let my neighbor know I’ll be  emptying my buckets over the fence.

The bad thing is there won’t be football on all the time, so I need some other form of entertainment. My wife and I aren’t terribly fond of card games.  But we both really enjoy reading.  At least we have plenty of books.  It would be nice if the two dip shits that seem intent on doing all they can to get us into this mess were so inclined An Incurious President