Reminiscent of biblical prophet Isaiah’s call to “beat swords into plowshares,” President Trump has ordered the 1st Infantry Division to arm themselves with rakes instead of rifles and head for the California hills.  The purpose of the deployment, which is being called “Operation Clean Sweep” is to prevent future forrest fires in the Sierra Nevada Mountains by removing all the pine needles and other debris that is invading the forrest floor.  The soldier’s attack will begin with a flanking maneuver at the southern foothills and terminate at the northern end of the range.  The unit’s commander, General George McMacalaney, stated he was confident his men would have the entire forrest floor cleared by early fall of 2025.  “We’ll have some rough winters up there, but my men are tough as nails.  The president made it clear he wants everything brown cleaned out of the country, and the United States Army intends to do its part to achieve that objective.”

On the horizon is the even more ambitious project of raking out the Rocky Mountains.  It is rumored the president will assign that task to the Marines.

1st Infantry Members Engaged in Raking Drill