In an effort to increase White House security, President Trump has ordered the U.S. Army Ordinance Corp to start planting landmines around the perimieter of the building, it has emerged.  “After those two new wall structures were put in place and topped with razor wire, the president just felt there was still something missing and hit on the idea of burying some landmines,” said press secretary Kayleigh McEneny.  She was asked if the president was at all worried about  projecting an image of panic-stricken weakness to the entire world with all the extra security measures.  “Quite the contrary,” Ms. McEneny retorted. “Our country is so fortunate to have a brave leader who understands that  the controlling power of domination is the best way to show the world how to unify a country.  And what more impressive displays of domination are there than razor wire and explosives,” she added dismissively.

Paradoxicly one person who might benefit from the mining defensive feature is Defence Secretay Mark Esper.  Considered to be the next cabinet member in line for removal after he contradicted the president over using active military to suppress citizen protests, the concealed explosive devices have produced an unforeseen task that actually might preserve Esper’s job. The president will be needing someone to lead the way through the White House grounds  to the  helipad, and he feels that duty would  most appropriately be performed by the secretary of defense.  It appears Mr. Esper can breath easy for now, and the press secretary gave assurance there is absolutely no reason that will not continue as long as he steps very, very carefully.