Mr. Trump’s recent emergency landing episode Plane Refuses to Fly to Florida has inspired the former president to explore options available to him in his unique position as the county’s most favored grifter. His Save America PAC is notorious for inundating the entirety of America with money making scams but this latest one takes the operation to the “evangelical level.”
If you haven’t received any invite to extend to yourself the privelige of donating to Save America, hang on because it will shortly be waiting for you in your email inbox. Interestingly the greeting you recieve from this organization from one day to the next (oh ya,once it starts expect one daily) is a bit puzzling, not only because you have to wonder just how they got your email in the first place, but within the wording of the greeting itself. Sometimes you will be labeled as a dear friend, or even exalted as a patriot non pariel. To get you super excited you might be notified you have the honor of being the first doner to a particular cause. Follow the instructions and peaceful slumber is well assured. At other times, you might be admonished, or condemned, and otherwise made to feel like shit for an egregious failure to donate. You could not possibly be more disappointing to Trump. But rest assured repair of the monumental flaw in your character is at your fingertips and the 16 digits of your credit card.
For your donation, one day you’ll be offered a wall poster with the smiling image of Trump emblazoned on it, and the next its a coffee mug or glass, or a hat or tee. Sometimes its a book, the Trumpian kind with nothing but pictures in it, either of Trump himself or of his gaudy material possessions. The wording in the emails can be confusing, like stating you get one of these precious prizes for free as long as you donate.
Until this latest solitcitation for a private jet, maybe the ultimate shake down was the Trump Card, a piece of plastic Trump apparently expects all his loyal supporters to carry around with them if they are to be considered true patriots. No one seems to know what use the cards have. Maybe if your body is burned beyond recognition in a car accident and the card survives, family will receive a Trump condolence letter. It’s similar to the purpose of the PAC itself. No one knows where or how the organization spends the donated money. You would think since the “P” in the acronym PAC stands for the word “political” the money would be directed towards a political intent. But that is not the case with Save America. The reason for that is Save America is a “leadership” PAC, and as so designated it somehow achieves exemption from normal political donation oversight. It’s very much a follow up of how Trump conducted business at the White House and is basically a huge pot of money Trump can spend any way he wants. Apparently there is not enough in it to purchase a jet just yet. But the goal shouldn’t take long, because no doubt there are enough suckers out there who will be enticed enough to cough up $100 just to get a peek at a picture of the new Trump Force One.
And who knows maybe this whole emergency landing business scared the shit out of Trump and he might decide to chuck air travel all together and go full Madden* Plus. So heads up! Coming to your inbox soon might be the thrill of your lifetime- the opportunity to be one of the first to see a picture of Trump Coach One and the yacht Ivanka II**. You can view a picture of either for $100, but you’ll probably get a 2 fer discount and a peek at both for $195
*I have a friend, Marvin, a bat scientist, who long ago gave up on the human race and decided he prefered the company of the bats he was studying and now lives amongst them in their cave. The following information is for Marvin. John Madden was the coach of a pro football team and feared flying so much he traveled about the country in a tricked out monster RV. After coaching, Madden went on to become a pro football announcer and an icon of the sport. My mother in law hated him. My father in law hated Fran Tarkington but that’s another story. I have never figured out any of that. Stay well Marvin.
**Honestly you should have a conversation with yourself about what you can realistically afford. Unless you are inside of an art gallery, paying more than $25 to look at a picture is ridiculous. In the interest of restraining your impulses, below I have reasonably accurate pics of what Trump Coach One and Ivanka II will look like. Save your money! I’m trying to do you a favor for god’s sake.
Trump Coach One- Rear View Ivanka II- Close Enough