While addressing his plans to cut the defense budget to procure border wall funding, President Trump said he is inclined to do away with the tradition of honoring the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier at the National Cemetery in Arlington Virginia.   “I mean who is this guy anyway?” the president queried.  “We guard that thing day and night.  Why?  It’s not like he’s going anywhere.  It’s just an unnecessary expense.  If you think about it the best soldiers are the alive ones.   I especially like to watch them parade down Pennsylvania Avenue.   Frankly I don’t have much use for dead soldiers or captured ones.   I like winners. If you get captured or killed you’re just a loser.  Not good.  Not good for America.  Great soldiers are trained to avoid capture and getting shot.”

The president suggested the remains of the enshrined soldier should be exhumed and have his DNA analyzed.  “We have all this great technology now,” the president stated.  ” At least find out who this guy is.   We need a name.  I mean how stupid is it to guard something 24 hours a day that’s unknown.  Unknown!  Get some testing done and then we’ll see what happens.  Maybe he was a real hero.  If we find out he never got captured, then maybe we put on a real show for him.  With fireworks.  And a parade- down Pennsylvania Avenue!”

The president is confident the Unknown Soldier would send a grateful note of appreciation to the White House should he one day qualify for a Trump celebratory parade.