Continuing his unremitting rage against French President Emmanuel Macron and anything French, President Trump today announced his plans to blow up the Statue of Liberty and replace it with something better. After unleashing a barrage of anti-French twitter tirades, banning French toast and French fries from government commissaries and placing a 50% tariff on French wine, White House staffers are hopeful leveling the iconic French gift to America will finally appease the president’s wrath.
The president revealed his plan during a meeting with Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke and members of the National Parks Service, which he oversees. Zinke indicated he is in complete agreement with the president. “I met with the president this morning and I understand how he feels. Dynamiting Lady Liberty would be the perfect response to those insulting remarks Macron made about President Trump during his World War I Commemoration speech. We get rid of a decaying eyesore plus I can then lease out New York Harbor to some of my Manhattan friends for oil exploration. It’s a win-win,” Zinke stated.
Zinke went on to explain that the president has never really cared for Lady Liberty, and has been contemplating his idea ever since India unveiled its 600 ft statue of Indian independence leader Sardar Patel. Zinke mentioned it is the president’s feeling that since the statue that universally symbolizes American patriotism does not even clear the knee caps of the one in India, he would see to it his “America First” policy was implemented appropriately and erect something more manly.
“Patriotism is when love of your own people comes first; nationalism, when hate of people other than your own comes first.” Charles de Gaulle quoted in Washington Post