During an interview yesterday Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross said he did not understand why so many unpaid federal employees were failing to take advantage of their drained bank accounts.  “These people don’t seem to understand that just because they are not getting their checks in the mail doesn’t mean they don’t have any money,” Mr. Ross pointed out. “They should use their heads and confuse their mortgage holders and utility providers and so forth by telling them they have nothing to worry about because there are way better days ahead.  Why there was a  time or two when my own bank account dwindled to the seven figure mark  and I really had to apply myself and construct some complicated paperwork so I could get into someone else’s bank account.” The Unbridled Grifting of Wilbur Ross

  Secretary Ross – Could possibly help you make a little extra cash if you don’t mind skirting SEC regulations 

Also willing to pitch in with encouragement for the furloughed employees was Eric Trump’s wife Lara, who is the president’s campaign advisor. Commenting on Bold TV,  Mrs. Trump expressed  heartfelt detachment for those just scraping by, telling the viewing audience that the little bit of pain they were experiencing would be well worth it in the long run.  “Your small sacrifices are just what this country needs right now.  For the security and good of the nation it is your patriotic duty to see that our great president’s  campaign promise is fulfilled, no matter how dubiously useful or ill conceived.”  Mrs. Trump obligingly shook hands with the television crew and then quickly exited so she could meet Eric for lunch at Le Bernardin.

  Lara and Eric Trump- pictured here trying to decide which route offers the fastest ascent to the third floor of their humble home